Thursday night. As always, it’s hectic. I am rushing to get everything ready for the following school day.

Everyone is slowly starting to wind down. This is my opportunity to go take a shower in peace, and I desperately need to take a shower in peace, mainly to do some maintenance….if you know what I mean.

About 45 minutes later I come out of the shower, kids are asleep and husband is watching t.v. I grab my drink, my phone, and my notebook and plop down next to him on our sofa.

Husband~ You smell nice

me~ thank you

and then he goes back to watching TV, and I play words with friends on my phone.

About 15 minutes later he reaches over and gently rubs my leg.

Husband~ your skin is so soft

Me~ thank you

and he goes back to watching TV. I make a second drink and continue to play words with friends.

Another 15 minutes passes

husband~ it’s getting late, are you ready for bed?

Now, I am thinking to myself “huh, it’s only 10:30. very rarely do we go to bed at this early, what’s going on???

and then it clicked.

Me~ Oh! I get it, yeah….sorry…….we cannot have sex tonight.

Husband~ but you shaved your legs….and took forever in the shower.

Me~ that was not for sex…..or for you….you know what I mean.

Husband~ actually, I don’t.

Me~ Don’t you remember, I have my pap-smear appointment tomorrow. You know the drill!

Husband~ Oh that…..I’m in the wrong profession

Me~ Well duh!!

And that was that. How funny that he thought he was going to get sex just because I shaved my legs. Please! It is still winter over here.

Now……fast forward to today. My pap smear.

Everything is going good. My good ole Dr, who I have been seeing for 8 years now is super fast. I mean he is in and out of there before you can even blink.

Love this guy. And for what it’s worth, he literally saved my life and Gracie’s life. So I figure the least I can do is shave my legs for the man….right?

After the exam he tells me to get dressed and he will be back in to talk with me. Well what the hell does that mean? He has never needed to talk with me before. I have always had a clean bill of health. Great. Just great. Something is wrong……cancer. It has to be cancer, it has to be cervical cancer because he said my boobs felt fine (well duh!) Now I am going to have to go home and break the news to Joe, I have cervical cancer. I should have had sex with him last night. Agh!!! Why Meeeeeeeee????? Will I need chemo??? I have always wanted to try a hot pink wig, maybe now is my chance….and OMG what I am I doing to myself?

yes folks….this is how my mind works.

So.. here I am sitting in the chair. Biting my nails, shaking my legs, trying to prepare myself for “The Talk”

Finally….he comes in. Okay……I am ready. Whatever it is, I am sure it was caught early enough, I can totally beat this.

DR~ Jennifer, I just have a few questions few you?

Me~ “sigh” okay, shoot……

DR~ How long is your menstrual cycle?
        Do you ever experience pain?
        Especially during relations?
        Do you have regular bowel movements?

Again, I am thinking to myself……this must be worse than I thought. What kind of questions are these? I have a normal menstrual cycle, no pain, what the hell is relations? And,,,girls do not poop!!!!

But somehow, I did not think he would take me seriously. He is old school Korean…..if that matters.

I answer all the questions, and once again prepare myself. The news is coming. Maybe he needs to do further testing. Maybe I need to see a specialist, maybe……

Dr~ Well, Jennifer, I wanted to let you know that in August, I will be retiring. I have enjoyed having you as a patient all these years. You have been a pleasure. I can recommend a new Dr to you if…..

Me~ THANK YOU JESUS!

Dr~ I’m sorry?

Me~ Oh! Well, okay first….I thought you were going to tell me I had cancer or something, but now……really….your retiring???? What am I going to do?!?!?! Why do you have to retire? I mean I know your 70 and your wife probably wants to spend time with you but what about your patients? Do you know how hard it is for me to trust a new Dr…….should I have brought cookies or something? Ugh…this is just too much for me!

And this folks, is a classic example of how I have a tendency to make everything about me!

Who wants to pour me a drink?

Sunday nights are always crazy here. And by crazy, I mean I wait till the last possible minute to do everything I have to do to get ready for the school week.

This past Sunday was no exception. I am in the kitchen, cooking dinner, washing dishes, and making school lunches for the girls.

The girls are in the living room “playing” and by playing, I mean pretty much driving me crazy.

Vinnie comes home from playing outside.

Vinnie~Mom…. I’m home!

Me~ Okay Ricky Ricardo (that joke went completely over his head)

Vinnie~ You’re drinking already?

Me~ Okay, really? It’s only 5………Actually, it is 5, time for a drink!

Vinnie~ Why can’t you be normal?

Long, long long pause as he makes his way to the living room.

Vinnie~ Mom?

Me~ What?

Vinnie~ Why are the girls playing with your bra?

Me~ Oh, because it sparkles.

Vinnie~ okay, that’s weird.

  Me~ yeah well…..if my sparkly bra keeps them entertained, then more power to my bra.

Vinnie~ What’s next? Your underwear??

Me~ Whatever works. When you grow up and have kids of your own, you will get it.

I am not quite sure what the girls were using my bra for. Slingshots, a purse? Those were just a few of the words I had heard that night. As I told Vinnie, whatever works, and if that means me becoming a loyal Victoria Secrets customer, just so I can have Sparkly Bras stocked up, then I will do just that……because, that’s what us moms do.

Another round of Mama Kat’s Writing Prompts This week I decided on…. 1.) The ladies at MomSmack listed their top 10 faves of 2012 here. Use their list as a template and fill in your own answers! (inspired by MomSmack)

1. Favorite 2012 Movie: Well, if we are talking movies that were seen in an actual movie theatre, I would have to say Breaking Dawn Part 2……because unless my memory is going,  that was the only movie we saw in 2012 in a real movie theatre. (Yes, I know, I need to get out more. Team Edward, Woo-Hoo!)
2. Favorite Album: Ummm, that’s funny that you would think I actually have time to listen to a full album, from start to finish, without any interuptions. Can’t we do favorite song??
3. Favorite Song:Ahh, ask and ye shall recieve. No questions asked, favorite song of 2012 is my girl PINK, “Try” awesome song, awesome video.
4. Favorite Tweeter: What the heck is a Tweeter? Is this drug related??? If so, I do not do drugs, that would be my sons department.
5. Favorite Blog: Momastry, and Enjoying the Small Things.
6. Favorite TV Show: The Walking Dead!!! Oh…and The Voice. Adam Levine anyone??
7. Favorite Instagramer: Me. Seriously, I have instrgram, I do instagram, but I do not follow anyone else on instagram (again, I have no freakin time to do anything!) So, yeah, I will just go with me…..and look, I will not even plug my instagram.
8. Favorite Moment: That would be one lazy summer morning in July, when I was able to sleep in.
9. Favorite Conference: Ummm, well……my 11 year old had a really good parent/teacher conference in which I learned he is above average in Science. Does that count? I mean Science of all things?!?!
10. Favorite Viral Video: The only one I can remember is that one video where that guy proposes, and all his friends/family were involved. Marry Me or something like that. HOWEVER, if I had my choice, the video I took of the girls singing to Justin Bierber would have made it viral, but it did not….so I am bitter.

11 hours and counting.

After two very long weeks, my kids finally go back to school. Their Christmas break is done and over with.

Holy Mother Mary of God, THANK YOU!!!

Now, it goes without saying, I love my kids. But, holy hell this has been a long two weeks, it feels like months.

Just today I dealt with the girls taking it upon themselves to paint their bedroom wall……in nail polish.

While giving them a bath, somehow, in the span of like 5 seconds, they flooded the bathroom.

I was scolded by Sofia for not putting raisins in her lunch box.

Vinnie is determined to see if he can get away with wearing his royal blue skinny jeans to school tomorrow. Yeah……he goes to a uniform school. I better not be getting a phone call about how my “daughter” is wearing too tight of jeans, and the wrong color.

Our gas gage on our car is broken, so , pretty much we are on “E” and now we have to just “gage the tank ourselves”

My house is a mess, and by house I mean our apartment that is just too small for us.

Christmas tree is still up, and I do not foresee it coming down anytime this week.

Perhaps I can make time next Monday right after my pap smear appointment, right before we go see my brother in laws new baby.

Sofia found some Halloween decorations I never got around to take down.

Vinnie found a crap load of weed in AJ’s backpack…Joe wants to sell it.

I cannot find my comb….I need my comb to cut my horrible split ends, because it will be at least a good two weeks before I can go to the salon.

My cat who I thought was dying, is now causing as much trouble as a little toddler.

Seriously….I need a break, and tomorrow, thank you God, I get my break. I am counting the hours till my alarm goes off.

Again, this has been a long two weeks, and now, now I have no freakin idea what I am going to do when summer comes.

Perhaps I can commit myself into some kind of psych ward? That would give me what, a good two to three weeks of vacation???

Just a shout out to my beloved vodka, I would not be able to get through this without you.

P.S

Truth, Sofia just informed me she pooped in her pants.

SHE IS 5?!?!?!

I figured since this is my first post of 2013, and I will be blogging more often, and I have a slight case of writers block, that a “reintroduction” of me would be fitting. You know, for all my new and amazing followers I hope to have in the next few months.

1. I pretty much base all my decisions on “gut feeling.” Forget logic, forget reality, I ALWAYS go with my gut feeling.

2. My husband only reads my blog post when I have had too much to drink, and we are bored. I like it that way.

3. I drink every single day. Sometimes one drink,sometimes three, but I do have a drink every single day.

4. When I talk to my cats my voice goes up at least three octaves, when I talk to my kids, it goes down.

5. I get jealous very easily, trying to work on that.

6. I NEED my routine, if my routine is broken I cannot function (see #3)

7. I believe in God, I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins, I believe in faith. Yet, I need to do better.

8. My husband is very private, so, I need to find a new way to tell my “funny husband stories” without you guys knowing I am talking about “Him”

9. I always lie about my age.

10. I am way too trusting.

11. In 30 years from now, I most likely will be one of those crazy cat ladies you see on Animal Planet.

12. “Goodfellas” best movie ever end of story.

13. I always wanted to be an actress, and then I got pregnant at 19.

14. I believe I am “a little bit” psychic, but not when it comes to my life, only others.

15. NY GIANTS, that’s my team, end of story.

16. I feel like I am a bad mother (on most days). I feel one day down the road some shrink will be able to buy his dream home because my kids will keep him in business.

17. I have a temper, sometimes it s very hard to keep it in check.

18. I want to say I am a recovered bulimic,but I do not like the word “recovered” it is a day to day, hour to hour struggle. Recovery does not sit well with me.

19. You will not meet a more stubborn person than me.

20. I want to do good things for people, randomly, anonymously.

21. I pretty much wear a scarf 365 days a year.

22. It is easier for me to fall into the negative than fight for the positive.

23. I used to be a cutter

24. If I have your trust, I am loyal to you to the end.

25. I do not have an easy life, but it’s good, I am blessed.

Happy New Year!!!

(okay, so I am two days late, but, whatever)

Time for another round of Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop. If your interested, go read her post and link up this Thursday.
For this week, I chose the prompt

5.) Share an embarrassing moment

A few weeks ago my family came out here, to Seattle, for our once a year reunion.

And…I just happen to have a picture to prove it……kind of.

near the Space Needle, my sister, brother and brothers boyfriend.

So I am sure all of you are wondering why I am not in the picture. Right?

I said RIGHT???

I wish I had an answer to that. All I remember is

1. No one asked me to be in the picture

and

2. I “may have” been forced to take a picture with my husband for my new Facebook profile pic.

Well, the other day, my brother posted the above picture on Facebook. He said something about what an epic pic it is blah blah blah.

With my quick witty humor I left a comment along the lines of “Oh, you should photo shop me in this pic, you know, me, the FORGOTTEN sister”

and because my brother knows I can be a tad bit dramatic at times, he shot back with “Well, take a picture of yourself jumping in the air and I will see what I can do”

I only needed to be told once.

I am home, by myself. Husband is at work, kids are safely at school, just me and my cats. I can totally take a picture of myself jumping in mid air, and send it to my brother in hopes that he would photo shop me in. Easy enough, right?

As I am surveying my living room (I cannot take the picture outside, people may actually see me) I realize that I need to clean. Because otherwise, the background of my jumping in the air picture will be of old Halloween decorations surrounded by laundry and cats.

I quickly made an executive decision. If I put a chair in front of the sliding glass door and jump off the chair, then it will kinda look like I am outside, and no one will see the mess.

I had a plan!!!

A little too excited, I moved my computer chair to the front of the sliding glass door, opened the curtain, checked it with the camera on my cell. Perfect background! I can so do this.

Slowly I step onto to the chair while my cats are wondering exactly what it is I am trying to accomplish.

I extend one arm as far as it can go, cell phone in hand. With my other arm I kinda sorta just throw it in the air as I jump of the computer chair and snap the pic.

Fail.

The picture was a big blurry mess.

Five takes later, I was not getting anywhere. All big blurry messes.

So I had another idea.

What if I just pretend to jump in the air. Not really jump, but pretend, so to the untrained eye, it looks as if I may be jumping. Kinda like this.

me, pretending to jump in the air

Yes, I know, do not even say it….another FAIL.

I HAD to get this shot. No questions asked, I just HAD to. The same way I HAVE to have my coffee in the morning.

One last time. Up on the chair, arm extended, the other arm is doing some kind of fake pose and here……..I ……….go………….Ouch!!!!

For some reason I did not land on my feet as I had previously done. Well, I did, but only for a second, and then, I fell.

Great.

I do believe at this point even my cats were laughing at me.

As I was trying to get up, I realized my ankle did not feel right. Actually, it kind of hurts. And….I cannot stand on my own. I need the chair to brace myself.

I end up sitting down in the chair, slowly and painfully I take off my adorable new knee high boots and realize my ankle is incredibly swollen.

This cannot be happening to me. I still have to pick the kids up from school, go grocery shopping. I can probably get out of cleaning, because I am a master at that, but still.

Slowly, I limp my way to the kitchen, grab some ice and figure out a plan B.

Guess what, there is no Plan B.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I make it through the remainder of the day by sitting on the sofa, watching old episodes of The Real Housewives of New York and icing my ankle.

It did no good.

I pick up the kids from school. Of course I get the “Hahaha, Mommy can’t walk” bit.

Whatever.

Then comes the part that I am dreading.

I have to go pick up my husband from work. Now, I am thinking if I get there early enough, I can quickly switch from the drivers seat to the passengers seat without him noticing that I am now limping. Of course I will have to bribe the girls to keep their mouth shut, but food will take care of that.

Once again, FAIL.

The only time in history my husband is ever off early, was today. He is seriously out in the parking lot waiting for me.

There is just no getting out of this one.

As I open the drivers side door, I slowly (and painfully!) make my way out, and walk around to the passengers side while my husband gets in.

Joe~ What did you do? Why are you limping?

Me~ Well……I think I sprained my ankle.

Joe~ What? How did you do that, are you okay?

Me~ Oh yeah, I am fine, sore but fine.

Joe~ How did you sprain your ankle?

*insert laughter from the girls*

Me~ I just fell.

Joe~ Again?

(what does he mean “again?” It has been a good three months or so since I last sprained my ankle)

Me~ Yeah…again. (??)

Joe~ The cats?

Me~ Umm, no, not this time

Joe~ Are you going to tell me or not?

Me~ I was jumping and landed wrong, no big deal. I think it was my boots, if I had not had my boots on I would have been okay.

Joe~ What?

Me~ My boots, they are new and I am still breaking them in, and they are a little tight. If I was not wearing my boots I think it would have been fine.

Joe~ You were jumping?

Me~ Yes, jumping.

Joe~ Did you go to the gym?

Me~ What? The gym? When have I ever gone to the gym? The gym in my boots? See, you’re not listening to me again, my boots sprained my ankle!

Joe~ oh…yeah….the boots…..not your jumping or anything.

Me~ Exactly.

Joe~ And just because we have another 5 min to kill before we get home, can you explain to me where you were jumping from/

Me~ A chair.

Joe~ What chair?

Me~ The computer chair.

Joe~ You were jumping on a chair?

Me~ Nooooooo, I was jumping off of a chair, the computer chair.

Joe~ I see

Me~ It sounds worse than it really is.

Joe~ Yeah?

Me~ Yes, I was trying to get my brother to photo shop me into a pic, but I had to be in mid air jumping, so that’s what I was trying to do, off the computer chair because I did not want to go outside and have people see me. I did it a few times and no issues, except the pic was blurry and I had to re take it, but then the last time, something went wrong……my boots, and I fell, and now my ankle hurts, and I am not in a good mood so can we talk about something else? How was work?

Joe~ Do you need to go to a Dr?

Me~ No, I am fine, I just need to ice it, and someone needs to do the dishes.

Joe~ Okay….but I was thinking more along the lines of maybe a mental health Dr?

long pause.

me~ So how long were you just waiting to use that line?

and there you have it. my most recent embarrassing moment…..which ironically happened just three days ago.

Tomorrow is the first of November. It is hard to believe Halloween 2012 will be over in just a few short hours. My kids are on a sugar high, and most likely will be keeping Joe up all night because I am ready for bed and he is not. In this house, whoever goes to bed first gets to actually sleep, while the person who is still up gets to watch the kids. I love making my own rules as I go along.

In a few short weeks, families will be gathered around the table for Thanksgiving. Some will have family fly in to visit, others may be the ones making the once a year trip to visit their family. Sadly some may be alone on Thanksgiving, no place to go, and then others are happy to be alone on Thanksgiving, just staying put, no pressure to cook a big fancy meal, entertain the family drunks, and their equally annoying kids.

And then, then there is me. I have no idea what we are doing for Thanksgiving. Here is the thing, both my husband and son work retail jobs…..which means they never have the holidays off. EVER! In fact, the icing on the cake is they are both working 11-8 on Thanksgiving. They go in too early to have a nice sit down dinner, and they get off too late to have a nice sit down dinner. But…..I do not care. I refuse to be a slave to the calendar. I will have my own Thanksgiving when I am good and ready to have it, and I will not be cooking the traditional Thanksgiving food, I will have homemade chicken tenders, garlic mashed potatoes, corn, salad, a little bit of pasta, and whatever I want for desert. Go me!

I will spend the actual day of Thanksgiving putting my Christmas decorations up and well, being Thankful. Which kind of brings me to the point of this post (yes, there was an actual point I was trying to make) The month of November, for me anyway, is a time to reflect, appreciate what you have, be thankful for where you are in life. Look at Hurricane Sandy. Some of these victims may not even be able to have a Thanksgiving this year. It’s sad, I want to do something to help, yet I am really not in a position to do so. I mean I can pray for them. Some may say that is the best thing I can do for them , so I will pray, every day. I will pray that their life, although may never be the same again, hopefully it will one day be better. If that makes any sense. And, I am not talking about big fancy houses, winning the lottery, I am just talking about being at peace.

Geez I cannot stop rambling! Anyhow, because of these thoughts that are going on inside my head, these thoughts that my therapist would have a field day with, I have decided that tonight is my new New Years Eve. It’s time for me to change the way I think, act, feel about certain things. It’s time for me to get focused on what really matters. It’s time for me to regroup. So dear faithful readers (all two of you) hang in there with me. You may notice a change in my future post. I mean I will still be my witty charming self, just with a little more….truth.

Happy New year!!

Cheers.

This piece came together both by my sister and myself. I knew I wanted to write about The Accident. I knew I wanted to get it right. I wanted the reader to feel exactly what it was my sister and her family were feeling. My sister and I spent many night emailing back and forth. I came up with a rough draft. Many more nights were spent with her going through the emotions of reliving The Accident. She told me the facts, and I was able to put it all together. I hope this impacts you all.

November 22,2000

The unthinkable happened. I know it sounds cliche. Something you may read as the first line in a Steven King novel, but no, my life was forever changed. There have been many of nights where I wish I could go back in time and change that night. So many nights I have cried myself to sleep. So many nights where I just wanted to close my eyes and never wake up. The guilt was too much. I blamed myself. I have spent the last twelve years blaming myself, although it is true that times helps, it never make you whole again.

My husband Dan and I decided to spend Thanksgiving with my parents in Oklahoma. We were currently living in Denver, Co and figured we could pull off the twelve hour drive. Early in the morning of November 22, 2000 we packed up our car with our six year old daughter, Alyssa, and everything else that comes along with a road trip.

Alyssa was in her own little world in the backseat, coloring in one of her many coloring books and I thought to myself how lucky I am. Dan and I were teenage parents. I had just barely turned 16 when I found out I was pregnant. To say that our family was disappointed would be a huge understatement. There was talk of of adoption, but Dan and I knew we could do it. It may not be an easy life, a life that we would never chose for our own kids,yet we knew we could do it.

It took some time, Dan working odd jobs, factory jobs, whatever it took for him to support his new family. I was able to pursue my GED and later go on to dental assisting school. Times were hard but certainly rewarding. We had a beautiful daughter, Alyssa Faith.

Dan had always insisted on the name Faith being in there and well, me being a child of the 80’s I was obsessed with Alyssa Milano and that’s how we chose the name for our beautiful daughter, Alyssa Faith. A beautiful little girl with chestnut colored hair and skin like Snow White. She was our angel and there would be nothing we would not do for her if it was within our power.

Again, such a great visit. Just too damn short. Family…..we need to fix this. A couple of highlights…..

1. My 7 yr old had her first little crush….it was on Matt. He was a pure gentleman. My husband did not enjoy seeing her head over heels infatuated with another boy, but like I told him “Really, what’s safer than a gay guy?!”

2. My sister introduced me to my first white russian….the drink, not a person.

3. When my parents met Matt for the first time, my dad thought it would be appropriate to go up to him and give him a huge bear hug…..that may have also involved a slobbering kiss. Don’t ask.

4. Mom, as always, cooked amazing food, and I have the proof, up 10 pounds on my scale.

5. Once dad found his comfy spot on my sofa, he was oblivious to everything. Which is how we like it, Wuhahahaha!!!

Thank you family…..

Lisa~ Thank you and your husband for allowing the time and money to fly out here with my sister. Thank you for the wonderful gifts, the kind heart, and feisty spirit.

Matt~ Thank you for being patient with my kids (and brother). You really hit it off with all of us, and I do believe Gracie was the most sad seeing you leave.

Anthony~ Thank you for the special bond you have with Vinnie. Sometimes Vinnie feels a little lost in the crowd, you really made him feel good.

Carolyn~ Thank you for being there. Thank you for understanding me without me having to say a word.

The Parents~ Thank you for everything, thank you for all you do for us, for making this trip happen, for talking to me through my mini breakdown (or is it break-through?) Thank you for always being there.

I will leave on this note, thanks to Dr Seuss and my dad…

“Do not cry because it’s over, smile because it happened”

Cheers!!

It’s Thursday, which means another round of Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop

The prompt I chose…

Tell a story (based on truth or fiction) where someone is playing with fire–literally or metaphorically–and probably shouldn’t be.


When I was my late 20’s I was nowhere near where I thought I should be, A single mom of two little boys living with two awesome roommates. I had just gotten out of a very abusive relationship, and even though that was not only the best thing for me, but also the best things for my kids, I felt lost. I was lonely. I felt broken.

My roommate, my very gay roommate, Alphonso introduced me to the show Sex and the City. You guys remember that show, right? He made me watch it as a form of therapy. I saw Carrie and Big break up,I saw Carrie and Aidan breakup and makeup up and then breakup again, Miranda and her tough as nails I am an independent woman personality, Charlotte waiting for her Prince Charming, Samantha and her love of sex from the opposite sex (except that one time with the female artist.) It was a very therapeutic show.

When I first started watching, it was clear I was Charlotte, I had faith that dreams do come true and my Prince Charming was out there. I just hit a bump in the road. Then, the longer I watched, something shifted in me. I no longer wanted to be Charlotte, I wanted to be Samantha. I wanted to be sexy, confident, I wanted to know what it was like to walk into a bar and command the attention of the other male patrons, and, I will admit, I wanted to know what it was like to have a one night stand. And so, I decided right then and there that from this point on I was going to be Samantha. Good-bye Charlotte, hello Samantha!

I had informed my roommates of my new change. And, even though they may have secretly laughed at me behind my back, they were nothing but supportive. So we planned a night out, a night where I could finally embrace my Samantha.

There was a sitter lined up for the kids, while Alphonso, Christin and I headed out into the night, to find my new Samantha. I made sure to dress sexy, like Samantha. Not cute, not reserved, like I usually did, but sexy…..and when I say sexy all I mean is I did not have on one of my usual cover-up jackets on.

I am such a rebel.

We are at the bar, sitting back, having some drinks while listening to the cover band. Not bad, and here was my moment. I was going to go scope the place out, all by myself, no wing man, just me. I was confident, I was Samantha!

Slowly (and hopefully seductively, but probably not) I made my way, from the bar, to the dance floor, to the pool tables, just taking it in, taking all the men in, trying to find my prize. I was determined to make Samantha proud.

Ah-Ha! I saw a tall dark stranger, standing near the darts. I think he was checking me out, but my one too many long island ice teas may have fooled me. I made my way over to him, all by myself (which is something Charlotte would never do)and, thankfully,he initiates conversation, because between you and I, I have no idea what my opening line would have been. Most likely something corny like “Hi, what’s your sign” no joke.

So the tall dark stranger tells me how good I look in my jeans. Okay not the best compliment, but, still a compliment. He then orders me another drink, as if I need another. We sit down to the table, and he actually pulls the chair out for me. I thought that was cute, and so would Charlotte……but what about Samantha? Samantha would pull her own chair out, or, just sit on his lap. Tall Dark Stranger and I make small talk while sipping our drinks.

Then before I know it,he reaches over and kisses me. Not a peck on the cheek, but a full on tongue down my throat and all kiss. Charlotte would have been grossed out, Samantha would have loved it. Then, things got weird. It went from him kissing, to him touching areas that should not be touched unless I was married, or had a ring, none of which had happened. I mean I did not even remember his name.

In pure Charlotte form, I excuse myself and go to the restroom. I needed to regroup. I splash some water on my face, taking extra special care not to ruin my perfectly applied makeup, and next thing I know, Tall Dark Stranger is there, literally there, right behind me in the ladies restroom.

This was not good.

Thankfully, my parents did not raise no fool, and I was taught early on what to do in situations like that, and I did. My adrenaline was going. Screw Charlotte, screw Samantha, this is me, my life, my morals, my character and I fought the bastard off. One of the bouncers heard my screams, came into the ladies room and threw the Tall Dark Stranger Out.

I felt sick to my stomach. I came so close to being raped. All because I wanted to be like some stupid character on some stupid show.

This was a moment for me. I decided right then and there, I cannot be anyone else other than me.

I was playing with fire and by the grace of God, I did not get burn.