Unsolicited Advice: The things women want men to know.

Jen & Christin’s Top Ten ~ What we wish (some) guys would understand.

Jennifer

1. If a woman is with you, whether as a wife, a girlfriend, or you and she share a friendship, she is with you because she wants to be with you. She has found something in you that she enjoys. Do not overthink it, do not question it, just go with it.

Christin– Oh, this is a good one! I think in a marriage or relationship, a friendship is a key factor in how you relate to one another.

2. Women need more daily communication than men do. When a man wakes up, he may shoot his girl a “good morning” text, and continue on his day. He is caught up with work, family, whatever the case may be. MEANWHILE, the woman is spending her day checking her phone, seeing if she missed any texts, and has already convinced herself that a breakup is coming. Now of course not ALL women are like this, a majority are. If a man can maybe find twenty seconds in the afternoon to shoot his girl a “thinking about you” text, then that goes a long way….and odds are, she will show you her appreciation in any number of ways.

Christin– I have something more to add to this. If she texts you, text her back within a reasonable time. No, a week later isn’t reasonable.

Jennifer~ It’s like that one movie I made you watch many years ago. “He’s Just Not That Into You.” A must see for anyone out there dating.

3. We all know about the “three-day rule” and we all think that is a stupid rule. If a first date has been had, and you kinda wanna see where this may go, text her. Do not make her wait the three days… because, even though we know about the “three day rule” you run a very high chance of not hearing back from us.

Christin– You already know my thoughts on this. 3 day rule= a damn fool

4. Physical affection is great if done correctly. Grabbing body parts in public are a turn off, putting your hand on the small of our back, is a turn on.

Christin– Agreed. This is better saved for another, more private time.

5. Do not allow you ego to get in the way if we offer to pay. If we offer, take us up on it. Odds are it is more about us than it is about you, we just want to feel like it is equal, care about us enough to allow us to do that.

Christin– I like this one. I think us women like to pay sometimes. However, women if you find yourself paying EVERYTIME, you got a scrub on your hands and if that’s the case you need to be like TLC and make sure he doesn’t get no love from you.

 

Christin

1. NO DICK PICS! Most women don’t want to open up their email or text to see a picture of your “man parts”. Not only is it disgusting but it also is a disdainful show of disrespect. This vulgar display doesn’t make women want to jump into bed with you, it makes them want to jump out of their bed and wash their eyes out with soap. Just don’t do it,men.

Jennifer~ Ewww. D-pics are gross. I am not speaking from experience. I have never had one sent to me, and for that I am grateful. If you want to send us a pic, send us a pic of your cat or dog….we will be puddy in your hands.

2. Listen!! When a women wants to tell you a story or about their day, listen to them. Don’t pretend to listen because we know when you are, but really listen to what they say, how they feel and maybe, just maybe, muster up a response of some sort. If you can’t find a response at least nod and make eye contact. It’s simple guys, we don’t ask for much.

Jennifer~ And…if I may add……if you feel the need to yawn because you had “a hard day at work” be a little discreet about it!

3. It’s the small things that matter. Women don’t want diamonds everyday (ok, maybe we do) but the small things like a handwritten sentiment or a card from the dollar store goes a long ways in connecting with a women. Other small things that mean a lot are putting away the dishes, putting the toilet seat down after you use it and of course, instead of placing YOUR clothes next to the empty hamper, you actually place them INSIDE. Thanks guys!

Jennifer~ Picking the kids up from school, taking them to school, cooking dinner, putting gas in your car, getting an early start on laundry, letting her sleep in, and most importantly….chocolate.

4. PSA: The 3 day rule no longer applies! That’s right men, you no longer have to wait 3 days to text a lady back after a first of second date. You can do it an hour after the date, the next day or even right after the date. Let her know you had a great time and would like to take her out again without making the poor women incessantly check her Facebook, text, Instagram, email, Pinterest or phone. There is no need to play it “cool” or hard to get, because let’s face it, if you don’t call her, someone else will.

Jennifer~ Yep! I guarantee while you are trying to play it cool NOT calling her, your girl is venting to someone else about “why is he not calling me” then before you know it, homeboy took your girl, want to know why….because he called her!

5. If you are married, going through a divorce or “separated”, please don’t waste our time. There are too many uncertainties when dating a man who is “waiting for his divorce to be finalized”. This could be code for “my marriage sucks and I need an ego boost” or I just want to see if I still “have it.” Don’t ask us out, don’t befriend us, JUST DON’T. It will get complicated and chances are when you go back to your wife and your divorce doesn’t go through, we will be the one in therapy, not you.

Jennifer~ The only time any of the above would be okay would be if the girl is in the SAME EXACT SITUATION. Then you two fools need to work that one out on your own.

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The Picture of Love

Four days into 2017 and I am finally getting around to posting the first blog post of the new year. Between Christmas break, getting my kids back on somewhat of a schedule, trying to buy a house, and just life in general, I feel I need at least three more hours to my days.

There is a woman I know. A beautiful, strong, brave, courageous woman.  She is a few years younger than I am. She has three beautiful daughters. The youngest daughter is in first grade and the oldest is a third grader. This woman has an equally strong, brave, courageous husband who is a very proud father to these three beautiful girls. These are good people, one of the very few I enjoy being around.

Hospice is coming into the picture. This beautiful strong courageous family have been fighting the fight of their life, and sadly, it looks like this particular battler is over. It’s horrible, and if I allow myself to think about it too long, then I break down. None of this is fair and I just do not understand it. What do you say? What is there even to say?

So I blog…or try to anyway. I try to make sense of it all. I try to understand the ridiculous that I see on pretty much a daily basis, and then I look at the real world around me. It’s pretty messed up. I feel for this family. I have absolutely no understanding of what they are going through, yet I have seen the physical effects of cancer take over a person. I have seen this woman’s heart-break, while simultaneously seeing her have the strength of 1,00o men.

The pictures. The pictures were perfect. There was a photoshoot. A perfect, beautiful photoshoot in a not so perfect situation. A keepsake, for the girls I can imagine. The pictures will be their most treasured possession. As beautiful as the pictures are to look at, it was also heartbreaking. I want to know why this is happening? I want answers. I want the family, along with many others out there, to be wrapped up in never-ending love and support, enough so that the power of it all is enough to tell the cancer to go Fuck Off, and the cancer listens.

Not too long ago on Facebook my dad made a comment on a news story that somehow showed up on my feed. I do not remember the exact details of the story, but my dad’s comment was one that will remain with me  always. He said “When he closes his eyes for last time here, he will open them in the arms of Jesus.”

I have to take comfort in that, but more importantly,my hope is that this family takes comfort in that too.

I will wake up tomorrow, not having enough sleep. Safe to say that one of my three kids will be late to school, and my “To Do” list will barely be touched on, and at the end of the day, I will tell myself “That’s okay, so many people out there have it worse than I do.”

Which ironically, has been this families mantra through their fight of a lifetime.

~Jennifer

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Poem….Christmas Eve 2016

On this Christmas Eve of 2016

I sit and  reflect of what the past year has seen

Many highs and lows all along the way

Yet we managed to make it through the endless days

It’s not always easy, we were not promised that

But we are never alone, that is the only fact.

My oldest son AJ had to move back home

Due to his psycho ex’s true colors really being shown

He had a setback , but is now where he should be

Living with his parents, keeping me company.

I love having my kids all under one roof

Even though at times we have to  all call a truce.

Then there is Vinnie who can be a challenge at times,

He does nothing for free, always trying to make a dime.

Football is his passion, what matters most to him

even on the days when his grades are a bit grim.

A good head on his shoulders he will go places in life

I just need to get through these teen years without pulling  a knife.

Gracie is headstrong with a strong bit of sass

If you cross her on the wrong day she may just kick your ass.

She loves her minecraft, and drawing as well

If you interupt her alone time, she will tell you to go to hell

She overcame her struggles with minimal fight

To know her is to love her, she makes everything seem right.

Sofia, my minnie me, so full of compassion

has many times left me asking her “How exactly did this happen?”

She loves her cats and loves her food

Nothing like McDonalds to put her in a good mood.

The emotional one, who always tries

I am telling you this kid, she has nine lives

Then we have Joe who is  “living the dream”

Puts in his hours, coming  home to a queen.

He never asks for much, is content as can be

as long as you don’t walk in front of his  precious tv

Our first goal for the new year in 2017

is to buy a house and a dog, and everything in between.

I am still the same, still chugging along

some days you will find me singing my song

to the tune of some cats, and the GIANTS too

Here’s hoping for a playoff spot, what more can we do?!

Writing is where my passion always lays

it is where you will find me on the not so good days.

If you are bored and find yourself wanting to do some stalking,

Come on over and find me at Vodka Calling.

To all who is reading this, here is my wish for you

Health and happiness, to last the year through.

I thank you for being a part of my life

Whether in person or facebook, it is all quite nice.

So gather your loved ones, and hug them tight

Merry Christmas to all

and to all a good night.

~Jennifer

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2016 was a good year for us.

The only downfall was the loss of our cat, Princess.

She was with us for all of ten years,

the day she left us we were all in tears.

Thank God the good parts outweighed the bad,

a lot of laughs and fun we had.

We took a few trips here and there,

on our camping trip I think I even heard a bear!

Kaidon decided to try a new sport,

he traded in running down the football field to bouncing the ball down the court.

Overtime he got better and better,

if he continues to improve he will surely get a letter.

Although his sports changed, his quirky sense of humor stayed the same.

He enjoys playing tricks on me and his sister, she’s always running after him and yelling his name!

His report card is all A’s and B’s,

his teacher even tells me “what good work she sees”.

On his off-time you can find him in front of his video game,

I try to play a game with him every now and then, only for him to tell me “Mom, you’re so lame!”

Kharizma has continued her love of volleyball this year,

I enjoy sitting on the hard bleachers and making sure she hears me cheer.

Make-up has become one of her main passions,

she even has become very “knowledgeable” about the latest fashions.

She spends her free-time with her friends

and they enjoy hanging out chatting about the latest trends.

She is now about 3 inches taller than me,

which comes in handy when we have to put the star on top of the tree.

She enjoys debating with Jason and me, she even went on a rampage when Trump got elected…all I heard was “I’m moving out of the country!”

As for Jason, work keeps him really busy.

From what he tells me, being an engineer sounds like it could make me mathematically dizzy.

Numbers and equations is what he does all day,

no wonder he acts like his brain is a fray.

He tries his hand at poker every now then, let’s just say the aces don’t usually end up in his hand.

He coaches the kids’ sports every once in a while,

until he broke his hand trying to run a mile.

I try to tell him “your army days are done”

but he doesn’t listen and insists on trying to do everything he did when he was 21.

I had many exciting things happen for me in 2016.

My good friend Jen and I started writing a blog together called “Vodkacalling”.

On the phone, you can find Jen and me late into the night,

trying to make sure our blogs are “just right”.

Our crazy ideas add up one by one,

but some day we know our book will make it to New York Best Seller #1.

I spend my days in college classes,

where I learn Math and English with the younger masses.

I sometimes look around at the kids who are 20 and 21,

I remember that age, even it was back in 2001.

My kids keep me busy and completely drained,

the closer they get to teenagers I fear I will be declared legally insane.

My cat Daisy keeps me company when everyone is out,

believe it or not, when she hears me open a tuna can she begins to shout!

Before I forget, I have to mention my Seattle Seahawks team,

this year I just know we will be wearing that SUPERBOWL RING!

2016 was good year for us and I hope it was for you too!

2017 will be even better … don’t forget to celebrate the NEW YEAR with a glass of coke and maybe splash of vodka too!

~Christin

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Resurrected

I had a dream of you again last night. We were sitting in a little restaurant, sitting side by side, talking about nothing and everything at once. I could smell your sweet, musky scent and feel your skin when your arm brushed against mine. You were there and so was I. It was real, not an illusion. Your mere presence gave me something I hadn’t felt in a while. It was that same feeling I had felt before you were gone. Gone so fast, I didn’t know what, how or when to feel what I did. For just a moment you were back from the dead, so to speak. Back from the corners of my mind and my soul. You were there and so was I. I awoke with hope that you were still next to me in that little restaurant. The hope that I could still smell you, feel you. You were gone. Back to the dead and back to the memory that I keep locked up. I look forward to the next time you find your way back to my dreams but until then I will keep you safely tucked inside the pages of my notebook, when you were there and so was I.

-Christin

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Christin’s Top Ten Least Favorite Things About Christmas

Don’t get me wrong I love Christmas, I really do, but with the busiest, biggest holiday of the year comes stressful situations. For almost a decade I worked in retail, so to say for those 9 years that were spent in the throes of crowds, complaining customers and non-stop Christmas music has caused me some angst, is an understatement. Still to this day, when I walk into a Wal-Mart around the holidays, I immediately feel like crawling under a rack and assuming the fetal position.

Another huge task that I find myself burdened with is pulling out my 10+ totes of Christmas. I love decorating but I think I’ve finally overdone it. I ran out of shelving, therefore I think I may have a seasonal case of hoarding, if that’s a thing. It stresses me out not to have enough places for all my “stuff”. Trivial, I know.

That leads me to my cat. The tree never looks the same after that first day up, thanks to her. Late into spring I will be finding ornaments in all corners of the house thanks to my 13 lb ball of fur. I could keep going but I’m sure we all have similar anxieties over the holidays.

Burning cookies, crazy relatives, kids on break to entertain…The list goes on and on. The good news is it will end soon enough. The bad news is it will happen again next year. The better news is you can always grab some coke with a splash of vodka and numb your pain. Happy Hanukkah!

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Jen’s Top 10 Least Favorite Things About Christmas

For Christin and I, this past week, the week leading up to Christmas break, has been pretty stressful for us both. Although Christin is the coke to my vodka, we both live very different lives, and with that comes very different highs and lows.

I was trying to narrow down my top 20 least favorite things about Christmas, to 10. Do I talk about how I have not even started my Christmas shopping. I am going to be one of the fools who does last-minute shopping on December 23rd. Bet on it.

Do I talk about how hard it is to be married to someone who works retail during the holiday season? Nah, probably should not go there in my blog. Do I talk about how we are also trying to buy a house during the holiday season. Yeah, clearly I enjoy being challenged.

As I was going through my 26 unread emails, just from today, I came across one from The Parents. “Oh….looks like Dad made a YouTube video. What is he up to now?” I got myself comfortable, opened up the video, and then, I figured it out. My Top Ten Least Favorite Things I Hate About Christmas did not seem to matter that much. There is an important message that got lost along the way….and, I will just let you watch the video and decide for yourself.

~Jennifer

I did my best…

Forgive me if my thoughts are a little scattered but as I write this I’m trying to gather them and make sense of how I’m feeling.

I just dropped my son (11) with his dad. I use the term “dad” very loosely so, keep that in mind as I try to figure this all out. Let me take you back about 13 years ago. “The dad” and I were together just a short time. We lived together for about 6 months and then we both decided it wasn’t working. As my luck would have it, a week later I found out I was pregnant. “The dad” made it to one prenatal appointment. One. I went through my pregnancy ALONE and eventually moved a good distance away. We lost contact for whatever reason and then 2 years later I get a phone call from “the dad” saying he wanted to meet his son for the 2nd time (first time was in the hospital). I agreed but had no expectations, which was a good thing.

The next 9 years, “the dad” would make an appearance every couple years but nothing consistent. I have bent over backwards to encourage and facilitate a relationship for my son’s sake. I have traveled to “the dad”. I have allowed “the dad” to stay at my home, so my son could spend time with him. I don’t tell you this because I want an award but more so to help me stop blaming myself. I did the best I could. I did ALL I could. I did a good job and I did it ALONE.

So now my son is almost 12 and old enough to know about his “dad” but to say they have a relationship is a bit of a stretch. I must add that his dad is not a bad guy, he just doesn’t make his son a priority. So, tonight as I watched the red lights fade away while my son left with his “dad”, I hope for the sake of my son that “ the dad’s “speech about “I’m going to do better and “I’m sorry, I want to be a better dad” is more than just words.

I haven’t spent much time away from either of my kids, so as I sit here at my laptop, I keep looking around, expecting to see him. I will tomorrow but I hope that my son knows that I always tried to be enough. I tried to be his father, provider, encourager, supporter, entertainer, but mostly, I tried my hardest to be a good mother.

Christin

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