Well, it has been a long time. So long in fact that there are like 20,000 updates to the WordPress site, and I have no idea what I am doing. I figure I will take the “I am just going to wing it” mind frame and go with it. It has kinda served me well over the last year and a half. (Depending on who you ask.)
Here’s the thing, part of the reason why I have not written in a long time is that I did not want to write or talk about what was going on in my real life. I have always wanted this to be the kind of blog where you will hear the real truth. Not the truth that is wrapped in Pinterest and Instagram fakeness. Then, when things got a little too real over here, I shut down.
For the last year and a half, September of 2019 to be exact, my husband and I were in a bad place. A very bad place where we discussed separating and even divorce. (Even writing that seems so weird, and scary) I can say there was no infidelity, there was no abuse. I do not know if that makes it better or worse. In my situation, there was never a clear-cut answer on why things got so bad, other than life just got in the way. If there had been infidelity, then that would be my answer. That would explain so much, but there was not any one specific thing, just a cumulation of many things, Life, kids, work, miscommunication, taking each other for granted. Lack of understanding. Each one of us wanting to be right and failing to see where the other was coming from. It was so bad.
I spent the last year and a half working on my marriage, fighting hard to make it better than it had ever been. I do not think I have ever worked so hard on anything in my life. But, I wanted to tell you guys about it, because that is real life. More people should feel comfortable talking about real-life stuff and not picture-worthy stuff.
Now as much as I would love to go into the dirty details, I have to respect my husband who is way more private than I am. I will say, although it took him a little longer than it did me, he fought for the marriage as well. He has his own story and experiences to share and hopefully one day I can bring you his point of view to the blog.
After this last year and a half, my new mantra is “You have to hit your breakdown to get to the breakthrough.” Look, I know that sounds completely cheesy, but you guys know me, that’s how I roll! But I am telling you, both my husband and I hit our breakdowns, and here we are, better than we have ever been. Is it perfect? Hell no! Does he still annoy me? Hell yeah! Do I still annoy him? Of course!!!! Marriage is freakin hard, but it is making that choice every single day to work on it.
Also, I have to say, and I hope this does not turn anyone off, but the fact is that my husband and I are in a better place because we both went to God and gave it to him. It was not easy, but the power in our marriage being restored does go to God, and I just wanted to put that out there in case anyone else reading this is struggling. Also, I HIGHLY recommend the book “The Power of a Praying Wife.”
Okay, I am sure some of you may be rolling your eyes, maybe a few of you are jotting down the book title, or maybe everyone is getting a good laugh on how I assume more than two people are reading this post.
So anyway…..
How have you guys been? I cant’ believe (for me) I am coming up on a year when Covid put us all in lockdown. I am able to go back to work on March 15th, but it will be hybrid and remote. There’s an old song from Stevie Nicks (Touched by an Angel) and one of the lines is “Everything was the same except that everything was different.” I find that particular line to be a great summary of this last year.
~Jennifer
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