I had poorly planned a trip to the grocery store on New Years Eve. I have absolutely no idea what I was thinking of when I did plan this trip. I mean I cannot even blame my vodka on this one.
However, I had to go. I put it off for too long. If I did not venture out in the land of the crazies, we would have been forced to have lamb for dinner, and, although that may sound appetizing to some, we do not like lamb. When I say “we” I mean the kids and I. Joe loves lamb, and he looked forward to nothing else other than cooking his lamb.
I had two jobs. The first being go to the grocery store and buy some food, the second, go to the grocery store and buy curry so Joe could cook his lamb. For reasons that I do not understand, apparently curry is an important spice regarding lamb?
This was not just any store mind you, it was Walmart. Just in case you are confused, 75% off on all Christmas decor.
I quickly forgot what I was there for.
Garland, Christmas ornaments, Christmas cards, Christmas tree skirt, Christmas lights (because one can never have too many lights.) For a mere twenty-five bucks, I walked away with brand new Christmas decor for next year.
So. After spending way too much time looking at the 75% off Christmas decorations, I realized I was now on a time crunch and had to pick up dinner, and the blasted curry.
All was well when I got home. Hit a little bit of traffic, managed to find an easy dinner, and was so excited to show Joe my good finds.
“Did you get the curry?”
I froze. My mind was going but my mouth could not speak. I forgot the blasted curry. How could I forget the curry? I only had two jobs!!!
“Yes, I got it, it’s in one of these bags.”
What the hell am I doing?? It’s not in any bag because I forgot the curry. I am lying to my husband about curry as he is preparing his lamb. What the hell am I going to do? Is there a way for me to safely get out of this? Do I have time to sneak back out to the store before he notices?
“Do you remember which bag it is in?”
I remember it is not in any bag.
“It should be in a Walmart bag.”
That’s it. I am totally going to hell. Every time I open my mouth it I only make it worse. I just keep digging deeper and deeper.
“Let me go check the car, maybe I left it in there.”
I seriously go down to the car to pretend to look for curry. At this point I have two options. I can continue to play dumb, or I can offer to run back out to the store real quick.
“I know I bought the curry!! I cannot find it but I know I bought it, I can run back out real quick, I do not mind at all.”
Of course he told me not to worry about it because that is the kind of guy he is. Unlike me, who felt the need to…..let’s say exaggerate, about curry.
I feel like the worst wife ever as I am watching him go through our cabinets to see if there is any kind of replacement that can be used.
Of course there is none.
“Well, I know I bought it, I was on register six. Maybe tomorrow at work you can check?”
At this point there is no hope for me. He is a boss, a manager. He runs a good part of that store and now I have him going into work to see if his crazy wife left a bottle of curry behind at register six. Which if you have been paying attention, I did not leave a bottle of curry, because it never even made it into my shopping cart.
Fast forward twenty-four hours.
He comes home from work. Because I clearly have a problem and need to be committed, I ask “Any luck with the curry?”
He reaches in his jacket pocket, pulls out a bottle of curry, “Yep, you were right, it got left behind.”
Again, I froze.
He is either totally on to me, or…he bought the curry himself and just wanted to make me feel better about leaving it behind.
Either way, Shit just got real!