As many of you know, Gracie, my 15-year-old daughter has both epilepsy and autism. She has been on meds since March, after a very long stressful day of multiple seizures. The current goal, is for Gracie to be one-year seizure-free, without adjusting the meds, before we can start weaning her off of them.
Early this morning, like 4 am early, both girls come to get me. “Mom, Gracie thinks she is going to have a seizure!” This is typical for Gracie. Thankfully, many times she knows when one is coming. She takes the necessary precautions to make sure she is in a safe place if and when the seizure hits. So, at 4am, Gracie and I found ourselves watching old episodes of “Roseanne” on my big comfy sofa.
I was watching her but pretending not to watch her because she hates being watched. I am also a crazy paranoid mother who sucks under pressure so I do not know how to not watch her. I am waiting. I already texted Joe, who at this time is already at work. He wants to be updated as well.
I keep asking her “How do you feel?” “Do you feel any better?” “Do you still think you are going to have a seizure?” Gracie usually has a rapid heartbeat and feels dizzy right before a seizure, so I try to do what I can to assess the situation.
Everything seems fine. There is no seizure, which is exactly what we want. No seizure, but something is not adding up to me. I need to delve a little bit deeper.
“Gracie, can you tell me what you were doing before you felt like you were going to have a seizure?”
“Like, now. Can you tell me now what you were doing before you felt like you were going to have a seizure?”
“Yes. I was watching videos of people having seizures.”
At this point I am confused, yet everything is making sense.
So basically, Gracie wanted to see videos of people having seizures. Since she is the one always having the seizure, she never sees what she looks like. She was curious, did a quick youtube search, found some videos of people (and I believe one dog) having a seizure. It freaked her out. It freaked her out because it’s a freakin seizure and no matter how you try to make it sound pretty, it just isn’t. Because she is no so freaked out her heart starts to beat fast- Boom, she thinks she is going to have a seizure when in reality she just needs to NOT watch videos of seizures and 4 freakin a.m in the morning.
Also, she put in a request for eyeliner, because apparently having the right kind of eyeliner will make any seizure better. That is what I call “Gracie Logic” and many times, I just have to go with it.