I have been an official gym member for about 9 days now. I finally bit the bullet and went tonight. For the first time ever. Schedules worked out where I had someone to go with, and because I know myself SO well, I knew if I did not go now, I would continue to find excuses to not go.

I picked up the kids from school. Joe and I made it home at the same time.

Joe ~ How’d it go today?

Me ~ Did you know you can make rice krispie treats in the microwave? Also, I am going to the gym tonight.

Clearly Joe was trying to hold back his laughter. I got all serious, borderline self-righteous.

“Here is the thing. I need to do this to feel better about myself, because lately I am not feeling too good about myself. I know we have a treadmill that is a nice makeshift coat rack, and I know we have access to a free gym at the complex, but I need to go with someone, because if I don’t, I will never go…..and if you have noticed the size of my ass lately, I need to go.”

As always, he was supportive and told me to do what I needed to do.

……

I made it to the gym before Wingman. As I was sitting in the parking lot waiting, I kept noticing all these beautiful people enter the gym. In a moment of weakness I asked myself…

“What the hell are you doing? You do not look like them, why are you here? You are not ready. They will laugh at you. You are a joke. I can’t go in.”

I was thisclose to texting Wingman “Sorry, I cannot do this, don’t be mad.”

Just as I was having those thoughts, Wingman showed up, and I figured I would look like a total wuss if I backed out. (And trust when I say he would not let me live it down.) I had to do this. I had to do it for me.

As Wingman was getting out of his car, I greeted him with “Just so you know, I saw like 15 beautiful people walk inside.”

He rolls his eyes, “C’mon, let’s go.”

……

Wingman ~ Do you have water?

Jen ~ No, do I need it?

Off to a great start!

Wingman shows me how to work the bike. FYI, there was a fan…..on the bike! I was good to go.

So we are biking. He is like on 5 miles, I barely hit one. I am wondering why his numbers are higher than mine, while totally enjoying the fan. Wingman looks around the gym, most likely out of boredom or annoyance, then says to me “I believe you have mistaken beautiful for skinny.”

(Long pause)

I was kinda speechless.

Again, “I believe you have mistaken beautiful for skinny.”

How much truth is in that? I am so guilty of believing those words. Somehow along the way I learned to equate beautiful with being skinny.

He was right, and I hate when he is right because he is ALWAYS right and it kinda sucks.

Wisdom comes with age I suppose.

……

I am so glad I did not allow my insecurities to control me. I got out of the car when everything inside me told me I was not good enough…..and you know what happened? I enjoyed it. I felt like I accomplished something. I felt like I was taking care of myself. The first step is always the hardest, right?

Naturally, I have a long way to go, but I will get there.

Most of the machines I used, I had to put the little pin on the “one” slot.

In time, I will build it up.

In time I will not only build up my strength, but my confidence as well.

Because I took that first step….and I made the time.

……

I came home and I felt good. I felt productive.

I have gained some weight. Ever since Gracie and her medical issues, I have gained weight. I do not know how to cope unless it is with food. Food = comfort. If I am sad, I eat. If I am confused, I eat. If I feel lost and hopeless and do not know how to make my daughter better again, I eat. All these feelings that I have been holding inside, have let their way out in the form of food, and it is now catching up with me. But not anymore, I will take control back.

Gracie ~ Mom, did you finish at the gym?

Me ~ I did…it was fun!

Gracie ~ How come you are not skinny yet?

So, I may not get my control back over night, but give it time. Come see me in 6 months and we will talk.

In the early hours of the morning (4am to be exact) I was startled awake by the sound of Joe yelling.

“Oh fuck this shit! Hell no! This is bullshit!”

Joe turned on what seemed to be every single light in the house. I am trying to figure out if I am dreaming or….or what else could it be?

He is not calming down. I decided there was just no way I can fake being asleep….and to be honest I am now kind of annoyed because I WAS in a good sleep.

“What is going on?!?!”

Joe is looking at me, or shall I say looking through me. He is pretty heated, and I know something is up.

“The fucking cat! The fucking cat jumped off the ledge and took a piss on me!”

This is where we need to contain our laughter.

“What????”

Joe is still all over the place. Yelling, cursing, grabbing blankets off of the bed, grabbing new ones from the linen closet, and I am just sitting there trying to make sense of what is happening.

It is now 8pm and I do not completely understand the happenings of this morning, other than one of my cats jumped down from a ledge and peed on Joe. I brought up the very important fact that at least the cat did not pee on the bed. For some reason Joe was not impressed by that fact.

……

11am. I am now ready for the day! Because I feel pretty bad for finding the whole cat peeing thing funny as hell, I told Joe I would run some errands for him. Because of our recent move, one of these errands Joe wanted me to do had me going in an area I am not too familiar with. That’s okay though. As long as I have very specific directions, I can do it. It will be no surprise to anyone who is reading this, that I did in fact get lost….but it was not my fault.

He had me going somewhere on 356th and Pac. Hwy. That is where the store was supposed to be. Guess what, there is no store over there. Somehow I ended up on 376th and Pac. Hwy, and nothing looked how Joe told me it would look. Just a long stretch of road, and no stop lights. Well now what?

I remained calm, and decided to just backtrack. With the car windows down and one of my favorite songs blaring from the radio (You Shook Me All Night Long) I was kinda having fun. I mean yeah I had no idea where I was going, yet still it was relaxing. I totally rocked this whole being lost thing. Of course I never found the place, but does that really matter?

……

Next up, Wal-Mart! I despise Wal-mart but love the their prices, so I had to find a happy medium. Nothing too exciting happened there. I mean I found two bar stools that I was determined to buy, whether they would fit in my car or not. So that was a success.

In the check-out line, there were these three huge guys in front of me. The only items they were purchasing was beer and condoms. Just a typical Saturday night I am sure. I tried to manuever my way between my cart and the soft drink cooler because I was thirsty. It was a tight fit, because like I said before, these guys were huge. I am sucking in my breath, opening up the cooler and grabbing a drink. I needed five. One of the guys thought it would be a perfect opportunity for him to grab a drink as well……and it was, until I somehow managed to drop all five sodas which in turn made the door close on his arm. Oh well. A gentleman would have held the damn door open himself……but hey, at least he bought condoms.

……

I make it back home. I explain to Joe that he sucks at giving directions, but I did buy him new boxers like he asked, so yay me! We do some cleaning, I do some “cooking” and everyone goes off and does their own thing, which leaves me to jump on Facebook!

So here is the thing. I have a family member who is upset, mad, whatever adjective works best in this scenario at my niece and I. This family member is so miffed at my niece and myself that she refuses to comment or “like” anything my niece and I post. I honestly would have had no idea this was going on, but my family does not know how to keep secrets, so word got back to me.

As I am scrolling through Facebook, I see that this family member gives a clear-cut dig to my niece and myself. Hmmm. Shots fired? I decided to do the right thing and ignore her comment, but felt the need to correct the spelling on her ever so obvious dig.

……

I also decided that it is time for me to write a book. Well, a new book separate from the Vodka Calling book that will never see the light of day. I feel that I have a story to tell, and not many people are privy to this story, and well, what the hell do I have to lose, right? So there’s that.

This is me. Getting ready to write the first words to my new book.
Or…this is me getting ready to jump on Facebook. It can go either way.

Jennifer

 

Today I was able to volunteer on a 3rd grade field trip. We are taking a trip to see the Wetlands and release the salmon that the school has been taking care of…..or something like that. All I know is there was fish, and the fish were almost left behind.

I had the pleasure of hanging out with my favorite group of 3rd graders, many of them all wanting to sit next to me on the bus. What could possibly go wrong?!

……

Well. Did you know that one school bus is not big enough to accommodate three 3rd grade classes, plus their teachers, along with maybe five parent volunteers? Yep, neither did anyone else. That’s okay though because one of the teachers, the one who will be refered to as “Wingman” from here on out, had the pretty brilliant idea of another teacher driving, let’s call her Snow White, while Wingman and I hitched a ride. That would clear up about three seats, and you can squeeze three little people into a bus seat. Problem solved. So far I am loving this field trip. Of course that meant that the last of the 3rd grade teachers would be stuck on the bus with about 75 kids, but she is a trooper, she totally has this!

And off we go. Snow White driving, Wingman in the passenger seat, leaving me to relax in the backseat. Things are looking pretty good from where I am sitting.

“I can’t find my phone.”

Words that no one really wants to hear when we are on our way to visit the Wetlands. Being able to be in constant communication would be of the utmost importance. Right? Wingman did not think so. Somehow, he left his phone at the school. This will not end well. It’s important that you remember those words, this will not end well. I mean who does not take their phone with them?

After about a nine minute drive, we finally arrive at our destination. Funny how we were not the only school apparently taking a field trip today. Traffic was so backed up near the entrance there was nothing Snow White could do except just sit and wait…and kick Wingman and I out of the car so we could go find out where the 75 kids were.

And we were off, while Snow White tried desperately to find a parking space that did not put her in a different county.

……

After about 15 minutes of complete chaos, all classes, teachers and salmon were accounted for. Each class went in a different direction, led by a park guide. I think we had a pretty good system in place (if I do say so myself) Wingman would lead his class, and I would fall in as the caboose, right behind the last kid, this way making sure no kid gets left behind….or pushes another into the swampy Wetlands. Everything was going smoothly.

We were in some cabin thing. (I probably should have paid more attention to what kind of cabin this was) All little people safely inside, while Wingman and I guarded the entrance. One way in, one way out.

After the cabin, we were to make “a bit of a walk” to some other station. No problem! Except, there was. An adorable little boy, who I will call Danny. I mean I think that is his name, but I am not completely sure. He looks like a Danny so we will just go with that. Danny comes up to me, “Mrs Pedro, Mrs Pedro, I lost my lunchbox, I think it is in one of the cabins.”

Crap!

I let Wingman know the current situation, and he instructed me to take little Danny back to said cabin and try to locate the lunchbox. We would then meet up with the class after “a bit of a walk.”

Wingman and the class were off in one direction, while little Danny and I had to backtrack. I mean I was fully willing to call up Pizza Hut to see if they could deliver a pizza to the Wetlands, but little Danny was so intent on finding his lunchbox, I had to make this work.

Finally! Lunchbox is retrieved. Danny and I set out to find our group. We made our way to the path and we walked, and walked, and walked, and then I started to panic. “Oh for the love of God do not let me be lost, here, in the middle of the Wetlands!” Danny looks at me, I look at him, and figured we are officially screwed. Seriously, we were the only ones on this walking path. No other of the 52 classes I saw, including my own, were anywhere in sight. No one. It was like a ghost town, like a zombie apocalyps….and this little boy is counting on me to get him safely back to his class. Just great. If this were a video game, I would already be dead.

We walk some more and I see another class. Not from our school mind you, but at least it was SOMEONE. “Hi, excuse me, are there any other classes in the direction you just came from?” The very nice lady explains to me that no, there were no other classes in the direction they came from. Of course not.

It was now time for me to regroup. I did not want to walk further and further into the Wetlands, not knowing if I was getting us closer to the class or further away. It was time to make a phone call. I will call Wingman….Oh,wait, that’s right, he left his phone at school!

I did not have the phone number to the other third grade teachers, but I did have them as friends on my Facebook. I looked at Danny who is now looking up at me for answers. “Okay, lets take a break. I am going to message Snow White on Facebook and see if she can help us out.” Danny seems satisfied with that answer. Looking up at me with big brown eyes he innocently asks “What is Facebook.” I quickly bypassed that question and sent a text. I was hoping she would be able to sense my desperation through the screen.

I do not know exactly how long it was between the time I sent the desperate text and when Danny and I finally found our group, but it felt like a lifetime! As soon as Danny saw his class, he ran up to his fellow classmates. As soon as I saw Wingman, I marched up and proclaimed “WE GOT LOST AND COULD HAVE DIED!”

Wingman rolled his eyes. Which seems to be a habit of his.

……

After being safely reunited with the group, it was now time to go even further into the Wetlands to finally release the salmon. Again, more walking. Beautiful scenery on both sides of the elevated walking path, that in a small way reminded me of Mr Miyagi’s garden from “Karate Kid.” It was something. Lots of twist and turns, many times the path not being wide enough for two people to walk comfortable side by side. The kids were excited when they would spot a snail….or a dead frog.

And then finally, we were there. We made it to our destination. It was as if the heavens opened up and a bright glorious light was shining down on, well, my luck! I made my way over to Wingman and discreetly whispered “Finally, some eye candy for me!”

 

Wingman was pretty excited as well. “I know, right! Which one do you like?”

I discretely  nodded my head in the direction of the one I was most drawn to. “I got you bro!” Before I knew it Wingman had my phone in his hand (because you know, he left his at the school!) and started taking pics. Lots and lots of pics to commemorate the third grade field trip.

As far as the salmon goes, if anyone is actually interested. This is how they are safely released into the Wetlands.

This field trip was definitely one for the books……or a blog.

 

Jennifer

Mother’s Day 2017

I do not consider myself a materialistic person. You give me a pack of Snickers and it’s like you gave me the world.

The only thing I really wanted this Mother’s Day was a chair for my computer desk. My set up now has me pushing the bench to my kitchen table up to my desk, and that is just an annoyance. Especially if someone is sitting at said bench.

Joe. God love him.

Somewhere along the lines, I think there was some slight miscommunication.

This is what he thought I asked for.

A mouse for the computer!!

Okay. He totally gets points for trying.

******

I hate Mother’s Day. I know that sounds horrible, and that is certainly no reflection on how I was raised, but I hate Mother’s Day. In the days of social media, it has become some sort of unspoken competition.

Typically I spend the day curled up on my sofa, watching my all time favorite movies. “Goodfellas” “Casino” and the ever popular “Titanic” (You jump I jump!)

I get caught up on sleep and chocolate while not having a care in the world.

Then, the time comes when I think it’s “safe” to jump on social media and I see it.

“My wonderful amazing husband cooked me breakfast in bed!”
“My perfect children cleaned the house!”
“Flowers from my love!”

Ugh. Stick a fork in me I am done.

I just can’t.

Maybe it’s just me. In fact, I am sure it just me. Going by my Facebook feed it has to be just me, but somewhere along the way my darling angels missed the memo.

My oldest son texted me (from his bedroom) at 3am. “Can I take the car to Seattle?”

That would be a “Hell no, you do not even have a license.”

Vinnie, okay, he gets some points, he actually did do some cleaning today. “Okay Mom, I am done, can I go out?”

Gracie. I cannot fault her. She is my one kid where I can say, I know, without a doubt, I know I am a good mom. I have fought for her. I have fought for a proper diagnosis. I am fighting her meds, I have fought her IEP. I know with her I am doing everything I possibly can.

She made me this at school. I think it’s a flower. “Here Mom, I made this at school. I do not know why.”

I will put it with all the others. My wish is one day she will understand that I fought for her, and I hope she sees the payoff.

Then we have Sofia.
“Mom, is it Mother’s Day yet”

“Yes, it sure is!”

“I’ll be right back, I have a gift.”

I was so surprised when she proudly gave this to me.

“This is not from my class, but I had to keep it a secret.”

Quick back story. I did a “Mother’s Day” craft with a group of kids at Sofia’s school. Their hand print on an oven mitt is such a special keepsake. When my guard was down and I was sent away, Sofia was brought into the classroom to make one for me.

She was so proud of herself for keeping the secret (she kinda has a big mouth) and I felt special that she was sincerely excited to give me something.

So…..my Mother’s Day gifts may not compare to breakfast in bed, or flowers in the morning, a nice lunch in a fancy restaurant, or a day to myself. However, it’s not lost on me. There may be people who look down on me, but at the end of the day, I have a perfectly imperfect life.

As I wind down for the night. Making sure the kids have clean clothes for school tomorrow, lunches packed, my “to do” list in place, Joe gives me one more gift. No….it’s not the chair (that would be too perfect) but it is just as good.

Like I said before, you give me a pack of Snickers and it’s like you gave me the world.

Jennifer

Last week I had to enroll Vinnie in a new highschool. Since we moved, I gave Vinnie the option of staying at his current school, or enrolling in his now “home” school. Vinnie knows a lot of people at his now new school, so it was a win win for both him and I.

I took him to the new school and both him and I were pretty impressed with the size. I do have one small connection at his new school. Gracie’s fourth grade teacher now teaches Special Ed at this highschool, so worst case scenario, I have that.

The enrolling process was just as to be expected. Long. I did run into a sub I knew from Sofia’s school, so that was kinda cool, catching up on all the gossip and such. Before I knew it, Vinnie and I were sent to the counsellor’s office, where he would now have a new schedule!

This is where things get interesting.

Vinnie and I were welcomed with open arms in the counsellor’s office. I was really digging this woman. She threw a stack of paperwork at Vinnie, while her and I proceeded to talk. Then, before my eyes, I noticed laying peacefully on her desk was this particular brand of lipstick that can only be purchased online (hello, shipping charges!) Or, if you personally know a local distributor.

Me ~ “Oh-my-God, is that Lipsense? Do you wear it??? I love it, look I am wearing it now!”

Her ~ “Yes! Isnt it the best?! I know a girl who works here, she sells it, do you want to meet her?”

Me ~ “Yes Please!”

It was at this point where Vinnie decided to crouch in the corner and pretend he was not with me.

Before I knew it, I was now face to face with my new BFF. My new distributor, who is local, and will save me money on shipping. I put in an order right there on the spot. Soooooo excited!

This lipstick is amazing. You can do anything you want wearing it, and it does not come off.

Vinnie and I said our goodbyes, and between you and me, I have no idea if he got his schedule or not…..but I did have a new order put in. Score!

So….the weekend comes and goes and my new BFF texted me today asking when I wanted to meet up so she could give me my new product. And then, because I am a genius, it hit me.

“My son started his first day at your school today, can you just drop it off to him?”

“Sure, no problem! Just tell him on lunch to go pick it up in the counsellor’s office.”

See how nice and accommodating she is?!

Then I had to text Vinnie……

“Vinnie, you need to go to your counsellors office on lunch, she has something you need to give me.”

“What is it?”

“It’s Lipstick!”

*long pause*

“Really Mom, are you trying to get me beat up on my first day of school?”
————————————————————————————————————–

Hours later, I arrive home, anxious to see my new lipstick! I am so excited I cannot explain it.

“Vinnie…..where is it…..did you get it?”

“This will not happen again.”

“Why, were they any problems?”

“Let’s see……I got lost at school, go to the counsellors office, expecting them to, you know, show me where I need to go……as soon as I walk in the door, I hear “We have your Mom’s lipstick!” I am like cool, but I am lost..where do I go? And do you see what they gave me, this is what they had laying on the desk for everyone to see.

I was dying. Tears in my eyes could not stop laughing. I mean a hot pink bag and all?!?! With not only Vinnie’s first name on it, but his last name as well!

Vinnie is a tough kid, he will recover from this nicely.

As for me, I will just be sitting here enjoying my new amazing lipstick!

(My amazing new lipstick…shade…Napa)

For some reason he would not let me take a picture with him and my lipstick?!?!

 

For anyone who has noticed, (all three of you) Christin and I have been out of commission for a few weeks. I am FINALLY all moved in my new place. Moving sucks, the pay off is pretty spectacular. It is not the move we originally wanted, it is the move we needed.

The same time we were moving, Christin and her family went to Eastern Washington to visit her family. While there, Christin had a bad case of allergies, which turned out to not be allergies. Every time I spoke with her on the phone, it sounded as if I was talking to a 70-year-old woman who smokes a pack a day.

For now, I will leave you with some pointers on how to make “Moving Day” as easy as possible.

• If you need boxes, check out Wal-Mart, or your local schools. Both places seem to have an abundance supply. Also, make sure you know how to properly tape a box….because believe it or not, you may be told how to properly do so.

• If you have pets, I would recommend moving them first. Set up a “safe area” in your new place with a few of their favorite toys, and a familiar blanket (for the scent.) Do not move them last…..like we did. They will be pretty pissed off. Just trust me on this one.

• If you are a sentimental – yet logical – borderline hoarder, do not trust your husband and /or kids when they tell you “Don’t worry, we got everything!”

• Apparently, we do not need bed frames for the beds. (See above)

• Unpack the kitchen first. If you wait too long, someone else will do it and make the God awful mistake of putting the coffee pot furthest away from the fridge. If  you find yourself in this situation, my advice is to wait three days before putting the coffee pot in its proper place. For some reason, if you move things around, directly after “someone” has set it up, well, they kind of get offended.

• If you find yourself needing a “moving break” but do not want to look like a wimp when everyone else is working their ass off, just text a close family member and / or friend. “I need you to call me in five minutes with a fake emergency.” This has also served me well when political debates are going on.

• You know the treadmill you had at your old place? You know, the one that made a pretty amazing coat rack? Well, the thing is, once you convince your husband and kids that you indeed want to take it with you to the new place, they will be counting down the days until you use it, just waiting to say “I KNEW YOU WOULD NOT USE IT.”

• There is nothing wrong with doing a Christmas theme in your second bathroom. No matter what anyone tells you, it is completely practical. If they do not let up, threaten to bring out your Christmas dinnerware. That will shut them up.

• Most importantly, enjoy the process. Waking up for the first time in your new home only happens once. You do not have to have everything unpacked at once…….unless of course it is Christmas motif.

 

“Jordan, it’s Jennifer…..Christin’s friend.”

“Hey, Jen…….I know who are are……what’s up?”

“Well……so…….here’s the thing. Everything is okay but…..”

“What’s wrong?”

“Okay, everything is okay, but Christin was robbed tonight. Physically she is okay, just a few scrapes on her knees, but she is pretty upset, and asked me to call you….the police are on…”

“I’m on my way.”
……

Thirty minutes later  the police were gone, assuring us that they would keep us updated. Jordan found his place safely beside Christin on our sofa. Alphonso, believe it or not, was actually helpful. I told him I would burn his Vogue magazines in a bonfire if he even had a thought of offering the police officers a drink.

I went into “Fix it” mode. I am a fixer. Always have been, always will be. As I am listening to Christin repeat the story to Jordan, I took a step back, this was their moment, their time, I was thinking ahead. Writing down a mental list…….She needs a new social security card, we have to report this to our landlord, we need new locks, the DMV. Christin will need to get to the DMV as soon as possible. I can make phone calls for her, I am a fixer, this is something I am actually good at. Hell, maybe now she would agree to letting me get a dog…..a guard dog!

Jordan stayed over that night. Both him and Christin crashed in the living room while Vinnie and I took Christin’s room. I do not believe anyone (aside from Alphonso and Vinnie) had any sleep that night.

……

Two weeks later. Sunday afternoon. Jordan and Ryan were over. Alphonso, passed out on the sofa, with an excited Vinnie crawling all over him. The four of us were enjoying a mimosa and bagels with cream cheese. Ryan and I had eased into a comfortable relationship. It was good. Dare I say we had established a safe connection. Both of us fully aware of the reality. The phone rang.

“This is officer Hamilton, may I speak with Christin Crider.”

They had found her purse. Everything was accounted for, except the $800.00 in cash from her paycheck. Christin had already canceled her debit card while putting in a new request for a social security card. Everyone was able to relax a little bit. We were struggling financially, but we were all okay.

Jordan wanted to take Christin out to celebrate. I kinda think he just wanted some one on one time with her, which is totally understandable. They were going to head down to Redondo, while Ryan and I stayed back and had a movie day……with Alphonso still passed out.

As soon as Vinnie went down for his nap, I put in one of my favorite movies of all time. “Goodfellas.” I honestly do not understand how no one has ever seen this movie, yet here I was with Ryan, who had never seen it. I can seriously recite the entire movie word for word.

I made the popcorn. I threw a blanket over Alphonso while making myself comfortable on the sofa. I LOVE this movie, and I love it more watching it with people who have never seen it. If you know the movie, you know the scene. Joe Pesci asking Ray Liotta

“Funny how? I mean, funny like I’m a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? How da fuck am I funny? What da fuck is so funny about me? Tell me. Tell me what’s funny.”

I was dying. Love that scene. I kept looking over at Ryan, just waiting for him to laugh. Waiting for him to find the same amusement as I did in only the best movie ever.

I got nothing.

“Seriously, why aren’t you laughing right now?”

I gave him a playful slap on his arm.

“Hey Jen……can I talk to you for a second?”

“Yeah….sure……do you want me to rewind it?”

“Maybe we can pause it for a minute?”

“Okay but you will miss it, see, Tommy is giving Henry shit, it’s all in fun, but he is kinda testing him and seriously this is one of the best scenes ever.”

I looked over at Ryan and well, I could already tell he was not into it.

“I like you, I think we have a good thing here…….without being overly dramatic, have you ever thought about…..you know.”

And now I am lost. Is he talking about the movie, because this was not in there.

“Yeah, you annoy the hell out of me, but we work together, you know like Henry and Karen….excpet I would never marry you, because, well, because I know how you are.”

I do not know what it was. Maybe it went over my head, maybe he did not know Henry and Karen, but Ryan had this blank look on his face.

Out of no where, he reached his hand behind my head, gently playing with my hair, slowly he leaned in. I had no idea what was happening. Somehow he scooted me closer, not too slow but not too fast. Softly, gently, his lips met mine. His hand still playing with my hair while the other was safely on the back of the sofa. I was caught by surprise, yet caught by feeling right. This was somehow okay…in the moment.

Only in the moment.

Before I knew it, I was caught up in the embrace. I don’t know why, I was taken off guard. My defenses were down. I was watching my favorite movie ever…….and then, Alphonso wakes up. Slowly, he gets up from his spot on the floor. He caught Ryan and I during the kiss. We jumped back, caught off guard.

Alphonso looks around.

“I need a smoke….also, Christin owes me twenty bucks. I knew it was only a matter of time before you bitches would suck face.”

Jen and Alphonso were working late tonight. I had some errands to run, bills to pay and what not. I made a quick stop at Starbucks, grabbing my coveted caramel Frappuccino. I was doing the low carb diet, but not tonight, Jen didn’t need to know about that though. I once asked her to help me cut the carbs out and she took that invitation and ran with it. She was always checking my room, making sure I didn’t have any chocolate stashed somewhere. I quickly learned never to ask Jen for anything unless I really wanted it.

Driving down Pac Highway, slurping my frappe, listening to a little Mary J. Blige, I was in my zone. The last few months hadn’t been easy with my car being stolen but for now at least I had a car while waiting on my insurance stuff to go through. With my payroll check in hand, I rolled up to the check cashing place. Quickly rifling through my purse, making sure I had my license handy. Glancing around before I got out because I knew the neighborhood wasn’t the best. Hell, it was one of the worst on this side of the state.

A few minutes later, I walk back out with my cash in my purse and purse tucked closely to my side. I unlocked the car door and the next thing I remember is feeling like someone was behind me. Quickly turning around, I caught a glimpse of a tall guy…….. or was it two guys? Hitting the ground the hard, my purse and keys left my hands.

My keys. Where are my keys? My mace was on my key chain. Is that gun? I think that’s a gun on his belt! Adrenaline ran through my body like a lit fuse. My knees ached. My head pounded. Instinctively, I put my hands up to cover my face and head. They never said a word as they ran away into the darkness of night with my purse, while I laid on the cold pavement with my hands covering my face for at least 5 minutes, not certain if it was safe to get up or not.

“Are you okay?” I looked up to see an older lady walking her dog, looking down at me. “Someone—-my purse!! They took my purse!!” “My key, where’s my —“

“It’s right here young lady” she said, picking my keys up off the ground.

I quickly got up and grabbed the keys out of her hand. “I got to go!” I jumped in the car, nearly hitting the women. I couldn’t breathe. “Breath Christin Breathe!” I said out loud to myself. I was going 70 mph, weaving through traffic, trying to get home. My thoughts were racing. Call the police. Oh, my God, they have my name, address and social security number. My money! Breathe! My tires squealed into the parking garage. I ran up the three flights to the apartment. As I swung the front door open and saw Jen sitting with Alphonso, a sound escaped my mouth that I can’t even explain. “Call the police!!”

“What is going on?! What happened to you?!”

“I was—they threw me to the ground and—took my purse!” Jen sat me down on the couch. “You have to breathe…tell us what happened!”

“They know where I live!”

“Who does? Who did this?”

“I don’t know! Some guys—they threw me down!”

“You’re bleeding!” Jen said, with panic in her voice.

I looked down and my knees were bloodied and swollen. Alphonso grabbed the phone and dialed 911. “My roommate needs police! She needs help!” “No, I’m not sure what happened. No. Yes. Yes.” “What is our address?”, Alphonso asked looking over at us.

Really? We’ve lived in this apartment for a year and the fool still didn’t know the address. “The cops are on the way”

Feeling violated, I couldn’t stop the tears running down my face. My fear of someone knowing where I lived and having all my personal information was daunting. I had no control, no power. Powerless. Defeated. Weak. I hated feeling weak. Empty and battered.

“Jen, can you call Jordan?” I asked, after my 4th attempt of “getting it together”. A moment later there was a knock at the door. “We got a call—What happened here tonight” asked, the female police officer.

I recalled my story to the officers, as much as I could remember. They assured me they would do everything they could, which didn’t make me feel any better. Leaving me with a card with a case number and a phone number—just in case. In case of what? They come back to murder me? Yeah, officer thanks. I will let you know when someone comes to my house to finish me off. Thanks.

I could hear Jen on the phone in the bedroom, talking to Jordan. “She’s talking to the police now. You need to get over here—she’s pretty banged up” Alphonso grabbed some ice packs, placing them on my knees. He then did what he does best in stressful situations. “Does anyone want a drink?”

After a night like this, I needed a strong one. Little did I know, there would be more nights ahead where Alphonso’s bartending skills would be absolutely necessary.

New plan!

An opportunity presented itself to Christin that was too good to pass up. A friend of hers was selling a beater car for an exceptional price. Between Christin, Alphonso and myself we had no car. We made it work, however if one of us actually had a car, well, life would be easier.

Christin and I postponed our move for another two weeks so  she could take advantage of this opportunity and buy a car. I mean really, in the grand scheme of things, what is another two weeks?

Friday night. Alphonso and I did not get off until 7pm. Christin was off running errands, being that she was the only one of us who worked a normal 7-4 work schedule. Alphonso and I would make the 10 minute walk from work to Vinnie’s daycare, then the two-minute walk from the daycare to our apartment. Christin would then meet up with us later, while we figured out dinner plans.

This was the week Alphonso was on his Vegan phase, Christin was still doing low carb, and my diet consisted of coffee and chocolate. Dinner plans should be interesting.

Vinnie was content drinking his bottle, sleep  just around the corner,  while Alphonso was trying a new makeup look on me, Coldplay’s “Yellow” filled the room with a peaceful contentment.

And then, just like that, the contentment changed to panic.

Christin comes barreling through the front door. Screaming, crying, shaking., disheveled.

“Call the police! Call the police!”

In unison, Alphonso and I did what we do best. Worked together as a team.

Alphonso grabbed a somewhat sleeping Vinnie and took him safely to the bedroom. I rushed out of my chair and went to Christin.

“What’s happening, what’s wrong?!?!”

“Jen, call the police, call the police, I need the police! Now…do something….I need the police!”

Alphonso comes from the bedroom.

“What the fuck happened?”

“Call the police!”

I guided Christin to the sofa, Alphonso grabs the phone.

“Christin, talk to me, what happened? Alphonso, get her something to drink.”

“An alcoholic beverage or what?”

“A goddamn glass of water!”

“Christin, talk to us!”

“It was bad, I need the police, we have to call the police.”

“Alphonso call the police!”

He immediately dials 911.

“We need police assistance, my roommate just came home. She is not herself, we do not know what happened, she is crying, asking us to call the police……………Jen, what’s our address?”

“Are you kidding me right now?! Look at the mail that’s on the counter…….Christin, the police are coming, what happened, talk to us, what do we need to do?”

In about twenty minutes, we would have our answers.

The next month went by pretty fast. Christin and I found a place. Alphonso took the news as expected, drama queen at best, toddler at his worst.

“Alphonso we have some news.”

“Oh my god is someone dead.”

“No.”

“You bitches bought me Vogue and a pack of smokes, what is going on?”

“Well, Christin and I are officially giving your our 30 day notice! Yay!”

“You guys are moving out?”

“Yes! Yay! Aren’t you proud of us for being grown ups?”

“It’s because I’m fat, isn’t it?”

“No no. It’s because you are poor, but don’t you worry we will help you find roommates.”

(End scene. Alphonso goes to pout in his room)

……

Moving day was quickly approaching. For reasons that I rather not get into ie: “I told you so” Christin and I mutually agreed that the best thing to do was give ourselves a little more time to move.

“Jen, you know Ryan is right, we need just a little bit longer to find a place and save.”

“Fine…..but this was OUR idea, not his.”

Jordan would make more frequent visits to our apartment. Slowly, things were progressing nicely with him and Christin. He was a nice guy. Hell, he would even tolerate Alphonso’s “Sex and the City” movie nights, even after Alphonso calling him “The Black Aidan.”

It was nice to see Christin in a relationship she could actually enjoy. Jordan would take her out every Friday, Christin would cook (well, she would attempt to) every Saturday, and on the few occasions where she messed up dinner, Jordan paid for takeout. Everything just seemed “easy” with them.

“Chris, what do you feel like doing tonight.”

“There’s a new movie I want to see.”

“Dinner first or afterwards?”

“After.”

None of that “Oh I don’t know, what ever you feel like doing” crap.

Ryan and I actually started to tolerate each other. Come to find out he had a daughter a year older than Vinnie. We would get the kids together for a playdate here and there while getting to know each other. Most importantly, I enjoyed the banter with him.

“You know your shirt does not match don’t you?”

“You know I don’t care don’t you?”

“Yes, I gathered that”

“It’s funny how you are giving me fashion advice while you have holes in your jeans and…..is that  pizza sauce on your shirt?”

“IT’S THE STYLE AND I WAS HUNGRY!”

……

It was a Friday night. Christin and Jordan were doing their thing, while Alphonso, Ryan, and me were just chilling at the apartment. Christin calls and invites us to Denny’s for some late night munchies. With Vinnie safely asleep I called my friend Jasmine who lived right upstairs and asked her if she would come listen out for Vinnie. I would be an hour tops.

The five of us meet up at Denny’s. Coincidentally there happened to be some work people there as well. A bunch of Samoans who worked the late shift were grubbing down on well, on everything. The only one I recognized was this guy name Joe. We gave each other a polite nod of the head and that was it. Meanwhile, Alphonso had found his crew. Not work people, people from his nail salon. Of course.

I am not sure exactly how it happened, but Alphonso invited his crew back to our apartment for some after dinner drinks. See, I would not have to put up with this when Christin and I had our own place.

Allow me to set the scene. Christin and Jordan took their place by the front door, as there was nowhere else for them to sit. I kept my place in the hallway entrance. Vinnie was in Christin’s room sleeping and I did not want anyone to wake him up. Ryan was with me, and offered to get rid of some of these people, these questionable people. Alphonso was in the kitchen, martini in hand, doing his rendition of Lady Marmalade.

A cute young girl who Alphonso just met at Denny’s (yet invited her into our home) approached Ryan.

“Are you two together?”

She was clearly giving me the look over. I did not like this one.

“We are friends.”

Geez, he could not just tell her we were? For no other reason than to get rid of her?

“I have a job in an hour, I’m good for 30 if you want to go?”

What the hell was she talking about?

I am just curious if anyone reading this, from that sentence alone “I have a job in an hour, I’m good for 30 if you want to go.” Do you guys know what that means? Because I clearly was the only person who did not get it. Come to find out our little friend was a prostitute. Not even kidding. She just finished a “job” when Alphonso met her at Denny’s and, I guess because prostitution offers flexibility (in more ways that one) she had a good 30 minutes to kill and wanted to offer her services to Ryan in the bathroom.

Are you freaking kidding me?

“Oh hell no this is not happening, get rid of her.”

I found Christin, whispered in her ear that we have a whore in our apartment who just offered to do some sort of sexual act to Ryan in the bathroom, with my son sleeping in the next room over, and we have got to shut it down now.

Christin gave Jordan the rundown and within seconds everyone was gone.

“Alphonso, how in the hell could you invite a prostitute back to our home?”

“It’s not like I asked for her resume before the invite.”

“THIS IS WHY I NEED MY OWN PLACE!”

“Jen, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.”

……