Or, my blog does anyway.

And, perhaps a new name.

Who knew “Cafe Jen” was so popular?!

Anyway, stay tuned, some exciting changes will be coming soon.

Last night I was soooooooo annoyed with my husband, really really annoyed, and in “pure Jen form” I posted a facebook status about how annoyed I was.

Annoyed once again, whats a girl to do, well blog about it of course! (and I am not holding back)

See, I told you.

So I head to the trusty old computer and start typing away, making sure to pound as loud as I could on the keys. I had a nice long post in the making, it was good….or so I thought.

Come to find out that writing a blog post while mad at the husband and a little too much wine in me was not a good thing, well, to me it was a good thing, but no one else would think it would make much sense, because when I am mad, I ramble, much like I am doing now, but I am not mad at anything, go figure.

I decided to post pone the post for a later date (because I know like all good husbands do, he will annoy me once again). I believe my husband finally picked up on how annoyed I was, you know,with the loud typing and perhaps mild cussing going on.

Today, I had some free time. I decided to check out some new blogs, I wanted to read about other wives/mothers who were annoyed with their husbands.

I could not find one single blog that wanted to enlighten me with some husband bashing.

Seriously?

Every single blog I read dealt with “I love my husband so much, he is the best husband ever”. I figured, oh they must be newly weds, right?

WRONG!

and then there was the “I have the best kids ever, they are so well behaved, sleep through the night” etc etc etc.

Yeah, and I am Marry Poppins.

So something must be seriously wrong with me, either

1. I am the worst wife/mother ever.

or

2. Some people out there are afraid to talk about the not so good things about being a wife/mother.

and that is when I had my light bulb moment, that is when it hit me, that is when I knew what I want this blog to be about. As much as I love my husband and kids, it is hard, very hard at times. Yeah yeah the good outweighs the bad, but it is still hard people and I want to talk about it, I need to talk about it, I need to hear from other wives about feelings of inadequacy, I need to hear from other moms on needing some peace and quiet. I want to hear it all.

So there you have it, my new vision for this very new blog. I should probably update my “About Me” section now, but first, let me tell you about the husband.

Last night, the husband comes home from work, his brother (who has been living with us for 15 months, 3 weeks, 2 days, 28 minutes and 32 seconds, more on that later) picked him up from work, they had brought food home. I was sitting on the sofa, playing with my phone.

The Husband comes over to me, reaches down like he is actually going to hug me, but instead of grabbing me he GRABS THE REMOTE!

What?!?!?! I honestly thought he was going to give me a hug, nope, the freakin remote gets more attention than I do.

and as if that was not enough, I then head into the kitchen to pour some much needed wine. As soon as I get off the sofa he says “Hey, do you mind if I play the xbox?”

Well, that did it. I was annoyed and there was no going back. I had “thought” we would spend the evening watching some dumb show together, but he decided to get on the blasted xbox.

Of course in hindsight I should have told him “Umm, yes, actually I do mind if you play the game,I want to spend time with you”

but really? How come he does not see that for himself, why must I explain every little thing to him?

I love him, I really do, but marriage is not a fairytale, you have good days and bad days, and you get through them together….and with vodka.

So there you have it.

Now from you dear readers (reader), here is what I would like to ask, if you have posted a post where your husband/significant other has annoyed you, send me the link. I want to read it, and in the future if something happens in your day to day life, where you just need a place to vent, then you know where to come, Cafe Jen.

Cheers!

Early this morning, Joe and I had to take Gracie to Children’s Hospital for Aspergers testing. As usual, we were running late, too late to even wait in the long car line that wrapped around Starbucks. On our second attempt to get the much needed coffee, at one of those mom&pop coffee stands, we were told “cash only”. We had no cash on us. So off we went on the half hour journey to Tacoma. A journey we were all too familiar with just short of six years ago.March 8,2005 Our oldest daughter,Gracie, was born with gastroschisis. In lamens terms, her intestines were outside of her body. I had found out at 20 weeks that our daughter had this condition. The next few months were spent making preparation after preparation for her birth. I would have to deliver at Tacoma General, a hospital better equipped for such births. We would not be able to hold her, she had to be taken to the NICU as soon as possible. Joe would able to go with her while I stayed behind for the time being. We knew she would not look like “normal” babies, we knew her intestines (gut) would be outside of her body, and thanks to the endless ultrasounds, we knew there was a lot of “gut”. Yet, we were not quite prepared.

(Gracie, hours after birth. Her intestine is in the plastic bag hanging above her body)

Gracie had other plans. She decided she wanted to make her appearance around the 36 week mark, impatient little devil. She also decided she was going to do everything she could to make it known that this birth was going to be done her way, and no one else’s. One night in March, about one month out from her due date, Gracie decided to stop moving. Yeah, she was that stubborn. Joe and I rushed to the hospital fearing the worst. Thankfully, there was still a heartbeat.She had to come out via c-section and she had to come out now. There was not enough time to get us to Tacoma General, I had to deliver her at my local hospital, immediately after delivery she was to be transported to the NICU at Mary Bridge Children’s Hospital. I had told Joe when she leaves, he better leave with her. I did not want her to be without one of us.Joe followed the ambulance to Mary Bridge, while I stayed behind. I was exhausted, I was sad, I was scared and felt hopeless.When Joe came back to me hours later he had the above picture with him. I looked at it, not even sure what direction the picture was suppose to be. Once he told me she was okay, I asked him “what the hell is that?” pointing to her intestines. “That’s her gut” an exhausted Joe explained to me. It seems that with all the preparation I had done, I somehow forgot to think that maybe I should look up to see what a gastro baby looks like at birth. I had no idea. Thankfully, it looked worse than it was. It seems that all that really needs to happen with gastro babies, is gravity. The intestines are hung over the baby and each day the intestines somehow move themselves back in where they belong. Crazy. Once the “gut” is back in, surgery is then performed to close the hole.

(About 17 days after birth, the gut is safley inside her body)

Gracie was in the NICU for a little over a month. That had to be the hardest month of our life. Joe and I never went a day without visiting her, and on some days we would go twice a day. I would sit at home, counting down the hours and minutes till he got off work so we could go see her. The car ride up there was quiet. Never much talking, just wondering how much longer till we were able to bring her home? For one month straight we at dinner at that hospital, taking turns bringing our two older boys with us, shedding lots of tears when we had to leave our baby behind, it was hard, very very hard.

Today, all those memories came back as we once again made that drive. No talking in the car, no talking in the waiting room, but this time we had Gracie with us. A trip that was all too familiar for Joe and I was all so new to Gracie. She took it all in, the Tacoma water front, the broken up roads that they still have not yet fixed, the parking garage that scared her, the elevator up to the second floor, she took it all in, while Joe and I were transported back to a time where we could not see a future, and yet here we are, in the future that we were unable to see.

It looks like this was the last time we will have to make this trip. Gracie does not have Aspergers.

(Gracie waiting for the Doctor)

She will not have to have a cat scan, she will not need anymore blood work, she will need no more testing.

(Ready to leave already)

Instead, what Gracie needs is time. Time to settle in to her own, time to learn things on her own timetable, time to figure out who she wants to be friends with and who she does not.She has a very hard start in life, now we just need to sit back and let her do her thing, her way.

(Joe reading to Gracie in the Dr’s office)

She just needs time. And…we need to be patient with her. She passed all the test, she laughed at the Dr’s jokes (while Joe and I were having a hard enough time understanding her thick Russian accent). She was very sociable, something that Aspergers kids are not.

(Heading home!)

Gracie has OCD, which is not really a surprise if you know anything at all about me. She likes things done her way, and that’s okay.

She “may” have to be re-evaluated at 7, but for now, she is a happy, smart little girl who has OCD tendencies,

and for Joe and I, we are very thankful.

Last week around 9am I got a text message from my sister.

“You up?”

If I was not already in the middle of a conversation with the PTA Nazis at my daughters school, I would have text messaged my sister back something along the lines of “Of course I am up, I have been up for three and a half hours, this is a school day, what do you think I am doing, laying around in bed eating chocolate chip cookies watching Lifetime tv, I only do that during the summer”

but I did not have time to text all that (thank you PTA Nazis). Instead I just sent a simple “yes”.

I explained for the 100th time to the PTA Nazis why it was that I could not join the PTA, and headed off to start my errands.

While in the car, singing along to Justin Bieber (don’t ask) my phone rang, it was my sister. I knew something was wrong.

My sister NEVER calls me at that time of day, she works. She usually saves the phone calls for night, after she has cooked her dinner, put her kids to bed and is halfway through her boxed wine, yep, something was wrong.

Long story short, there was some medical issues with her 16 yr old daughter….but that is not what this story is about, this story is about a phone call my sister asked me to make to another family member (who shall remain anonymous) about said 16 yr old daughter.

Now, since I have not yet received permission from “Julia” to share this story, I cannot exactly say who this family member is, but it is important to know this particular family member prides herself on proper etiquette…much like Julia Sugarbaker from the old hit show “Designing Women”.

After I finish doing all my errands, I come home to make THE PHONE CALL. I get situated outside, because in this house going outside is the only place where there are no interruptions. Any of you who have a three yr old……or husband, no what I mean.

*ring, ring*

Hello

Hi Julia

Hi Jennifer, whats up?

Are you busy?

No, why, whats up?

I don’t suppose you have talked to Carolyn today, have you?

No, why?

The next 10 minutes of the conversation is nothing but kidney infections, white blood cell counts, etc etc. I am just trying to explain to Julia, everything my sister explained to me.

Okay Jennifer, hold on, I have the cleaning ladies here today and I don’t want them to walk in on me.

Ummmm, okay.?.?

Julia puts the phone down, yet I can still here what is going on.

“Jessica, Jessica JESSICA, hello where is everyone? Oh there you are, listen, I am going into the restroom, please keep an eye out, do not let anyone come in there.”

Okay, so I figure Julia is doing what I am doing, just looking for a quiet place to talk.

Sorry Jennifer, I do not have a lock on the bathroom door, I don’t want the cleaning ladies to come barging in on me. So, why didn’t your sister call me herself?

That’s okay, no problem. (I then proceed to explain that the only reason my sister called me first because she assumed I would be up….even though we all knew she thought I was still asleep)

Wait, hold on

Ok

Sorry Jennifer, I cannot find the toilet paper

Huh?

Great, I cannot find the toilet paper and now I have to open the door and risk the cleaning ladies seeing my white butt.

ummmm, what?

Hold on a second.

(about a three minute pause)

Sorry Jennifer, I had to get some toilet paper but did not want the cleaning ladies to see me.

Okay, Julia, just to be clear here, were you using the bathroom while I was on the phone with you.

(laughter, lots and lots of laughter)

Well yes I was, and great, now the toilet is not flushing

and you did not have toilet paper?

No, I had it, just not in the bathroom

Well of course not, I mean where else should the toilet paper be kept, right?

Now I have to stand outside the bathroom door because the toilet is over flowing and I do not want the cleaning ladies to see.

Hmmm, okay then. Julia?

Yes?

Remember when I asked you if you were busy?

Yes

Well, that may have been the time to tell me to call you back!

I have a three year old who is actually closer to four (Feb) but for the sake of this story, so I do not look completely crazy, I am going to say she is three.

She still uses a pacifier. I know, I know, let me have it.

Logically, I know she is too old for the pacifier, but (there is always a but) her pacifier is my GODSEND. Seriously. She starts her fits, I just give her the pacifier and all is well in her world.

As much as it annoys me to see kids over the age of two with a pacifier, all rules go out the window with my kid.

Her dentist knows she still uses the pacifier and has not once chastised me for it (so neither should you!)

She is the only one of my four kids who has used a pacifier, so this is all new to me (this would be there part where you cut me some slack).

I do not know if it is because she is the youngest, or perhaps she is just a brat, or maybe it is my awesome parenting skills, but the girl has issues. When things do not go her way, she will scream at the top of her lungs “THAT’S IT MOM, I QUIT”. I do not even know what that means, I mean what exactly is it she thinks she is quitting?

When she “quits”, I give her the pacifier, and suddenly become the best mom ever “Thanks mom, I love you”.

Now you can clearly see how dependent I am on the pacifier.

Well….last night, my other little princess (5 yr old) decided to throw one of her fits (what is it with my kids and their tantrums?) and she threw the pacifier out the window, out the second story window, when it was dark out, and she did all this intentionally. Lovely child isn’t she?

I guess my 5yr old was getting annoyed by the 3yr old and she decided to get back at her by throwing the pacifier out the window.

I was devastated. I mean what am I going to do without my godsend? It was as if the pacifier vanished into thin air, because even with my flashlight and rosary, I could not find it. It was gone forever.

My 3yr old freaked out, I freaked out, my 5yr old thought it was the funniest thing ever.

Brat.

It took me an hour to explain to my 3yr old that the pacifier was gone. “But why mom, why?”

Because your sister is a brat, that’s why. (Is what I wanted to say)

Because you’re a big girl now, just like your sister, you don’t need a dumb pacifier (Is what I ended up saying)

“Okay mom, I’m a big girl”

She was actually excited about being a big girl now, go figure. Maybe this is how she will be weened off of it, cold turkey, just like that.

and then……

in a moment of weakness…..

I BOUGHT HER TWO NEW PACIFIERS!!!!!!!

Why, why , why? There has got to be something seriously wrong with me. I mean the kid seemed to have forgotten all about it, until now, until I went to the store and saw the cutest little pink pacifier FOR A NEWBORN……and yet I still bought them. Actually, not only did I buy them, but I came home all excited to give her her new pacifiers.

And now, she is all happy, content, and quiet,

and for me? I am all happy, content and quiet,

but in the back of my head, I know I seriously messed up, never should I have bought the new pacifiers.

I told you this was an epic mom fail.

My husband has decided to cook dinner.

This never happens, and I mean never, unless you count “Hey, lets order a pizza” as him cooking, which ironically enough, he does count that as him cooking.

My husband wanted to recreate his mothers fried chicken recipe, I know what you’re thinking, of course I know how to cook fried chicken, but I do not use mayonnaise as the breading, and according to my husbands mother, this is a must.

So, husband decided to give his parents a call so he could get the recipe. The following is what transpired, and keep in mind, I was only able to hear my husbands end of the conversation, but I think it is safe to say we all know what went on on the other end of the line.

“Hi Dad”

“You guys home?”

“Well,I wanted to talk to mom, I’m going to cook tonight”

“Yeah, cook tonight”

“I’m going to cook”

“She is fine, I just wanted to cook”

“Is mom there?”

I of course find this one sided conversation hilarious, actually both me and my 17 yr old find this to be quite funny. I mean really, you do not have to be a rocket scientist to figure out the other end of the conversation…right?

But it gets better.

“Hi Mom, I wanted to cook your chicken and mayo recipe can you tell me how to do it?”

“Yes, I’m cooking”

“She’s fine,I just want to cook”

“Yeah, cook, I am going to cook”

“I wanted to cook the chicken and mayo”

“Yes, I’m going to cook”

“What is wrong with everyone, I cook every now and then”

this is the part when my 17yr old and I lost it, you know that uncontrollable laughter, where you cannot even breathe, yep, that was us…..and my husbands parents, I do believe I heard them laughing on the other end of the phone.

But it gets even better.

Husband gets off the phone heads into the kitchen to start his chicken and mayo masterpiece. He tells me “Just relax, take a night off”. I get my wine, get comfortable and then it begins. First it starts off with a simple

“Hey….what pan do you think I should use”

Followed by a

“Where is the oil”

and a

“Oh wait, where is the chicken?”

throw in a few

“Hey come look at this, do you think it is done, how come we do not have any tongs, where are the paper towels, should I throw it in the oven”

and in closing

“Can you just let me know when the chicken is finished”

Honestly, it would have been much less work for me if I cooked the blasted chicken myself and just told him I put mayo on it.

With that being said, if you do not hear from me in a few days, that means I have salmonella poisoning.

Cheers!

Here it is, my very first post of the new year, which also just happens to be my second post in this very new blog of mine.

Without further ado, let’s get to the point.

My top five goals for 2011

1. Get in shape. Usually this would be where I say “I want to lose 20 pounds”. Well not anymore, I am no longer going to let some stupid number on the scale or inside my jeans determine my mood/self worth. Instead of focusing on the number, I will focus on eating right and exercising, everything else will fall into place. However, for the record, I would like to say that I am starting of 2011 FIFTY POUNDS lighter than I did in 2010. So…you know, I should get a cookie or something for that.

2. Write more. Whether it is on the blog, or on my personal writing projects, my goal is to write something at least five days a week. Of course it may be a quick little post here or there, or I may be lucky enough to get out 2,000 words….either way, I need to get myself in a better writing habit.

3. Prayer Journal. For me, keeping a prayer journal is so rewarding. I love being able to go back and see where God has helped me along, or showed me other areas where I need work. This is something I need to keep up with for 2011. Maybe one day I can pass it down to my kids, or if I end up with Alzheimer’s maybe my kids can read the journal to me to help jog my memory.

4. Save more money. This may be more challenging to do, as there is never a whole lot of money to save, but with a little tweak here and there I should be able to save something.

5. Appreciate the little things, never take anything granted, be thankful for what I have, not what I don’t have.

And there you have it, my goals for 2011….which I am sure will not make it till day 2.

Hope everyone has a Happy 2011!

Cheers.

Dear NY Giants,

First let me start off by saying that I am your biggest fan (and not in the Kathy Bates kind of way a’la “Misery”). The fact that I am still a fan after yesterdays performance should tell you something, because guys, you may have lost a fan or two. Not permanently, just for the next game or so, but still, as you very well know, a loss is a loss.

Now with all PC stuff out of the way, I just have a few words.

 Dude, Seriously?!?!?!?!?!?! What the heck happened out there?

There was no way you guys should have lost this game, no way…and yet you did. You have to realize that your fans are counting you, your fans wake up every Sunday (or Monday, depending on if you have a night game) looking forward to you guys winning. For some of your fans, you guys are all they have. Of course we know you cannot win ever-single-game, however, we do expect a win when you dominate the first three quarters.

 You guys were hitting The Dog Killer (Vick) constantly, shutting down those wide receivers, the ONLY thing Eli did wrong was the interception. Eagles were playing probably the worst game of their life, and I was loving it.

GIANTS, you had a 21 point lead in the 4th. Why why why why why????????

Dodge, really? Kicking it to DeSchmuck Jackson? Did you want the Eagles to win? You not only owe your team, but your fans some type of explanation……or better yet a freakin apology.

Now you guys have only made things harder for yourselves. You have to win the next two games, have to! Green Bay Packers are coming in off a loss, they are probably going to be thinking “Oh Giants, now that’s an easy win”. Do you want to be known as “the easy win team”? I should hope not!

Following the Green Bay game you guys play the Redskins, “ahem” they should be an “easy win” but I never know with you guys anymore and I just don’t like it.

Get yourselves together, regroup, get out there and show everyone why it is we love Big Blue, because if not, then the Jets are looking pretty good.

And now, I need Vodka.

Jen