Last week around 9am I got a text message from my sister.
If I was not already in the middle of a conversation with the PTA Nazis at my daughters school, I would have text messaged my sister back something along the lines of “Of course I am up, I have been up for three and a half hours, this is a school day, what do you think I am doing, laying around in bed eating chocolate chip cookies watching Lifetime tv, I only do that during the summer”
but I did not have time to text all that (thank you PTA Nazis). Instead I just sent a simple “yes”.
I explained for the 100th time to the PTA Nazis why it was that I could not join the PTA, and headed off to start my errands.
While in the car, singing along to Justin Bieber (don’t ask) my phone rang, it was my sister. I knew something was wrong.
My sister NEVER calls me at that time of day, she works. She usually saves the phone calls for night, after she has cooked her dinner, put her kids to bed and is halfway through her boxed wine, yep, something was wrong.
Long story short, there was some medical issues with her 16 yr old daughter….but that is not what this story is about, this story is about a phone call my sister asked me to make to another family member (who shall remain anonymous) about said 16 yr old daughter.
Now, since I have not yet received permission from “Julia” to share this story, I cannot exactly say who this family member is, but it is important to know this particular family member prides herself on proper etiquette…much like Julia Sugarbaker from the old hit show “Designing Women”.
After I finish doing all my errands, I come home to make THE PHONE CALL. I get situated outside, because in this house going outside is the only place where there are no interruptions. Any of you who have a three yr old……or husband, no what I mean.
Hi Jennifer, whats up?
Are you busy?
No, why, whats up?
I don’t suppose you have talked to Carolyn today, have you?
The next 10 minutes of the conversation is nothing but kidney infections, white blood cell counts, etc etc. I am just trying to explain to Julia, everything my sister explained to me.
Okay Jennifer, hold on, I have the cleaning ladies here today and I don’t want them to walk in on me.
Julia puts the phone down, yet I can still here what is going on.
“Jessica, Jessica JESSICA, hello where is everyone? Oh there you are, listen, I am going into the restroom, please keep an eye out, do not let anyone come in there.”
Okay, so I figure Julia is doing what I am doing, just looking for a quiet place to talk.
Sorry Jennifer, I do not have a lock on the bathroom door, I don’t want the cleaning ladies to come barging in on me. So, why didn’t your sister call me herself?
That’s okay, no problem. (I then proceed to explain that the only reason my sister called me first because she assumed I would be up….even though we all knew she thought I was still asleep)
Wait, hold on
Sorry Jennifer, I cannot find the toilet paper
Great, I cannot find the toilet paper and now I have to open the door and risk the cleaning ladies seeing my white butt.
Hold on a second.
(about a three minute pause)
Sorry Jennifer, I had to get some toilet paper but did not want the cleaning ladies to see me.
Okay, Julia, just to be clear here, were you using the bathroom while I was on the phone with you.
(laughter, lots and lots of laughter)
Well yes I was, and great, now the toilet is not flushing
and you did not have toilet paper?
No, I had it, just not in the bathroom
Well of course not, I mean where else should the toilet paper be kept, right?
Now I have to stand outside the bathroom door because the toilet is over flowing and I do not want the cleaning ladies to see.
Hmmm, okay then. Julia?
Remember when I asked you if you were busy?
Well, that may have been the time to tell me to call you back!