The kids go back to school this coming Wednesday. I am counting down the days. Heck, I am counting down the hours. It has been a long summer. Productive, but long.

So I had all three kids in the store today to finish up the last of school shopping.  Re read that sentence. ALL THREE kids.

Usually it is just the girls, which is hard enough, today my 12 yr old tagged along because he needed clothes.

Here is a quick little vision for you. My 12 yr old is pushing the cart. Except he is like 10 feet behind us, because his sister is doing cartwheels as we walk down the isle. My youngest daughter feels the need to touch everything she sees. Like everything. Candy, toys, mannequins and even the store customers. So that was fun.

Meanwhile, I have a triple espresso hoping it will get me through the next two hours.

Yes, two hours. I do not even need to explain. You guys know how it is. Also, there was a 70% off sale on all clothing.

We are in the “Young Mens” department and I am checking out the clearance rack while daughter number 1 is still doing cartwheels and daughter number 2 is hiding somewhere in the middle of the rack.

I find an AWESOME pair of pants for the 12 yr old. They were perfect, for him and only 12 bucks. Only thing is, he needed to try them on.

I direct him to the fitting room, which just so happens to be right across from the lingerie, that is also 70% off!

Me~ “Okay, go try them on, I will be over here looking at the bras and stuff.”

Vinnie~ “Too much info mom, but okay.”

He tries the awesome pants on, but sadly they were too big, and those were the only size. So, it’s back to me. I am going through the racks, picking out cute bras and matching underwear that are anywhere between 1 and 7 dollars.

I am in heaven.
The kids, not so much.

Gracie (yes, she is still doing cartwheels) “Gross mom, you need a bra, for dad huh?”

Sofia (the one who is still touching everything) “Ewwww, Gracie, don’t say that. Mom and Dad do not kiss”

Vinnie (the smart ass one) “Ummm, they do more than kiss, how do you think you got here?”

The thing is, I was so into all the good deals, all the pretty bras, underwear, and lingerie, I did not even care that I would potentially be embarrassed in 5-4-3-2-1…..

As I am holding up a very pretty yet modest piece of lingerie……asking Vinnie what he thinks……

Vinnie~ “Oh my god mom, are you really asking your son what he thinks of sex clothes?”

and then it all went downhill from there.

In unison now….

Me~ “Omg, it is not sex clothes.”
Gracie ~ “Gross mom, I cannot take this.”
Sofia~ “What’s sex?”

Yet, I could not stop looking at everything because…
1. I am cheap
2. I am used to these kids having no filter.

I keep looking telling them all to “Be quiet, people can hear you!”

Finally, Vinnie has some kind of….hmmmm……what word shall I use? Vinnie has some kind of ballsy attitude all of a sudden, and again, in a voice a tad bit too loud……”Mom, can we just go, I am sure dad will like it , he is a guy, it does not take much”

and because the apple does not fall far from the tree, I felt the need to come back with “Okay, I get it, everyone is tired and is ready to go home, but lets get one thing straight, I buy these things for me. No one else, I buy them for me. If dad likes it then that’s an added bonus, but I buy them for me….and trust me, nothing stays on long enough anyway for dad to even notice what color anything is!!!”

Vinnie is looking at me like a deer in headlights.

Then, just as I throw the piece of lingerie that I finally decided on into the cart, I am greeted by the lovely salesperson. “Mam, I am sorry, I am going to have to ask you to not have your daughter do gymnastics in the middle of the isle, and, maybe…..”

I wanted to die, because IF I had allowed her to finish, I just know she was going to say SOMETHING about the topic of conversation. You know, the “sex clothes” and “dad not noticing the colors” and such.

So, I gathered up the kids, and my brand new lingerie and left.

Five more days! Only five more days till the start of school!