It’s Thursday, which means time for another round of Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop
For this weeks prompt, I chose…

What is a decision that has irrevocably changed your life?

Irrevocably~not possible to revoke : unalterable

I had a problem. A huge problem. Not a problem that would fall under the lines of “my favorite lipstick has just been discontinued” or “My husband plays the x-box too much” I had a real problem, some may call it an addiction (and no, I am not talking about my vodka here.)

This is something that I probably need to talk more about, but not yet (other than this brief post) in due time it will all come out (So dad if you are reading this, no phone calls please!)

My problem, my addiction, almost ruined me, almost ruined us, my kids, my husband, everything that I had. I was spending all my extra money on my addiction, and it was bad. I knew I needed help,I just was not sure how to get the help. This was my secret, and I could not admit to it out loud, because if I did, then it made it real, and people would worry about me. I do not want anyone to worry about me. If I said it out loud, people would try to fix me, and I did not need that, I needed to fix myself.

And then, I hit my rock bottom,no one knew, I kept it a secret, but I was there. I was now the person you see on Dr Phil, or Celebrity Rehab (except I am not a celebrity) I hit my rock bottom.

And that is all it took. I say “all” as if it were just any other day, but no, it was not. My rock bottom was not pretty, but it was what I needed. I was reminded of a quote:

 Let God turn your mess into your message.

I know I have a message to share, I know it has to be on Gods timing, and I also know I had to hit my rock bottom to get there, and when I asked for help, and guidance, and strength from God, he gave it to me. Was it a walk in the park? Ummmmm, hell no!!! But I am still here.

Don’t let guilt over past mistakes steal your future. Ask for forgiveness, receive it and move on.

A decision that has irrevocably changed my life?

Asking for help.

DISCALIMER~ Dad, if you are reading this (which I know you are, you are the only family member who reads my blog! This may be one you might want to skip over…..just sayin!

Anyway,

Lately I have been feeling pretty good about myself. Since the kids have been back in school, I have developed a new routine, and it feels good. During the summer my days were filled with, well, kids. Now that school has started back, my days are filled with catching up on things I have neglected for the last, oh….umm….. 5 plus years, and I love it!

So, the other night, kids were asleep nice and early, my husband and I had a few drinks, watched “The Voice” and just relaxed, and then it was time for bed.

As I said before, I have been feeling pretty good about myself, so I thought I would try something new, and by “new” I mean new to me but something I am sure every other married couple who is not living under a rock has done.

I decided to initiate sex……well kind of anyway. In my own head I was initiating sex, so that is all that counts.

As my husband was in the restroom, taking his shower, brushing his teeth and whatever other nightly ritual he does, I was in our bedroom planning my “attack” so to speak.

I put on a simple yet sexy black slip type of thing, I laid down in bed, positioning myself just right. Showing a little but leaving some to the imagination. I scattered my freshly washed hair all along my pillow to create the illusion that I have a gorgeous mane of hair.

The plan was, for me to pretend I was asleep, my husband comes in and is so taken back by my sexiness that he just…well…… you know.

And before anyone chimes in on why it is I have to pretend I was asleep instead of just initiating sex, to that I say, I have no idea. I am just not good at starting things and this was my own little way of starting things…..if you know what I mean, which you probably don’t.

So I am laying in bed, thinking that I just pulled off a Megan Fox kind of look and my husband comes in, he takes of his shirt and comes to bed, to which I pretend to be suddenly awaken, this will be the point where he says “Wow, you look really hot right now.”

Well…..that is not quite exactly how things unfolded.

He does come to bed, and I do pretend to be suddenly awaken, but instead of him telling me I look really good, he tells me “What’s wrong, are you huffing and puffing again?”

So obviously I am now the one taken back by his statement, all these thoughts quickly run through my head while I am trying to think of the perfect response,yet still trying to look sexy,

and wait a minute…did he just say “again?” Like “are you huffing and puffing AGAIN?”

Again???? What the hell is that suppose to mean????

I still pretend he woke me out of a deep slumber. “Huh? What’s going on?”

Oh yeah, Meryl Streep watch out, I have got this academy award in the bag!

“Why are you huffing and puffing, what did I do now?”

Are you freaking kidding me?!?!?!

And…the window closed (among other things)

I got up out of bed, in my simple yet sexy black slip and I grabbed my granny robe, while making sure to huff and puff!!!!

I went to the kitchen, took a shot of vodka and made sure to exaggerate my huffs and puffs!

My poor husband had no idea what he did wrong, and, apparently, he has no idea I was trying to be seductive…and yes, believe it or not, this was me being seductive.

and, he was wrong.

Mama Kats Writers Workshop Prompt

The prompt I chose is…

Describe a moment where you or your child lost a part of childhood (realizing Santa isn’t real, etc.)

Sofia (my 5 yr old daughter) and I were driving along, having a good time running our errands. It was the last day I had left with her before she started kindergarten (which is a whole other blog post!)

We are listening to the radio and singing together to all the hip, top 40 songs. Demi Lovato, Justin Bieber, One Direction, you get the point.

Then there was a new song. A cute catchy song with a great dance beat and some whistling.

“Whistle Baby, Whistle Baby something something something”

and then there was actual whistling.

CUTE!!!

This was now our favorite song. In Macys, while looking at wallets, Sofia bellows out “Whistle baby, whistle baby”

In the grocery store, deciding on if I want pasta or steak for dinner, again “Whistle baby, whistle baby”

How cute!!! She sure does love her music.

At the dinner table that night…

“Dad, I have a new song, it is Whistle baby”

My husband looks at me, and I just give him “The Look” like, “I don’t know, but it’s cute.”

Bath time, again, Whistle baby. Bed time, Whistle Baby, Whistle Baby.

The following day, Sofia is still singing Whistle Baby….so I decided “Come on Sofia, lets look up the video.”

Holy Mother Mary of God!!!!!!!

So, to make a long story short, for the past 24 hours I allowed my 5 year old daughter to sing a song about blow jobs!!!!!!!!!

Someone needs to revoke my card now, because I suck (no pun intended!)

Sofia and I are watching the video online. I could not believe what I was seeing, what my 5 yr old daughter saw, and yes, I believe in those few minutes, my innocent little girl saw things she should have never seen this young….if ever!

It was only after seeing the video I realized Flo Rida sung it (which would have been my first clue had I known!)

Why? Why did I think this song was actually about whistling?

If anyone wants to contribute to Sofia’s therapy, let me know now…..it looks like she may need it……thanks to her mother!!!!

It’s time for another writing prompt from…..

The prompt I chose is….Share your writing process. How long does it take an idea in your head to get published on your blog?

I decided on this particular writing prompt because I am very curious to the writing process some of you may have. However if you did not pick the same prompt as I did, then I am screwed. Unless you want to tell me how in my comments.

Anyway….so, I have no process!! Exciting huh? I wish I did, I wish I was able to schedule time to sit down and blog, but that never happens.

What usually ends up happening is I will be in the kitchen, cooking dinner, and either my husband or kids says or does something dumb and I make a mental note “Oh, I have to Blog about that”. Or, if it is something exceptionally dumb, I even give them fair warning,
“You do know this is going in my blog don’t you?”

“Which blog, the blog no one reads, yeah okay Mom, go for it”

and then I ground him (It’s always my 11 yr old).

However,This post is a post from last week. It was another writing prompt (Write On Edge) and what I loved, loved, loved about that particular post is…..drum roll please…..it was a dream!!!! I had a dream a few nights before, it just really stuck with me, so I am just going to go with it and see where it takes me. Check it out if your interested! If only all my blog post could be that interesting.

Well, that about sums it up. No writing process, unless I have an awesome dream, and always lots of vodka!

write a fiction or creative non-fiction piece set entirely in an airport. Take us on an adventure in 450 words or less.

I grabbed my coffee from the tired looking barista,the bags under her eyes suggested an early morning shift. I felt the outside of my jacket pocket making sure I had my phone and a pack of Marlboro. All I had to do was find an empty seat at the Delta waiting gate. Time was going by too slow for me. You would not know that by simply watching the comings and goings of the people in Sea-Tac airport. Everyone was in some kind of hurry, at least it seemed that way to an outsider.

The flight attendants rushing to make their flight as they glance down at their wrist for the time, the business men and women with their laptop and fancy matching bags, the solider who looked as if he was saying good bye to his wife,but maybe not? Don’t the soldiers leave with their platoon? Over by the soda machine looks to be a twenty something year old son who was joyfully greeting his parents. That’s how it should be. That will not be how I am greeted.

I should not even be here. I know he will not be on the plane. Things are different now and they have been for a very long time. Jack and I had no control over situations, yet here I am, and I am feeling like I am giving what little control I have over to the unknown.

It has been three years since I have seen my husband. Three years since that fateful night at our local Italian restaurant. The night where everything changed.

Our fate was chosen for us that night, and yet, here I am, waiting for him, knowing he wont show up. I should have just accepted it then.

“Delta flight number 502 is now approaching the terminal”

That’s his plane. Assuming he is on it of course. I need a smoke. There is nowhere to smoke in this airport without walking a mile outside.

I threw my already cold coffee away and waited. Should I put my hair up? He always liked my hair up. What am I talking about? After three years, the last thing he will notice is my hair. Do I even care anymore what he thinks about my freakin hair much less everything else?

I cannot do this;I have to do this. I have to wait.

Just like that night, I waited.

Slowly, one by one, passenger after passenger emerged from the gate. I did not see Jack, I already knew this, yet I could not leave. I had to wait to make sure every last person was off the plane.

There was an older man, early 70’s with an overcoat and fedora. As soon as he came through the gate he tipped his hat to security while a much younger, attractive female ran into his arms,then, then that’s when I saw the familiar face.

“Hey Gina,it’s been awhile”

I already knew the answer to my question.

“Where is Jack, where is my husband?”

This is a writing prompt from Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop

I chose……list 8 things you’re dreading about sending the kids back to school.

Here’s the thing. My youngest daughter, Sofia, will be starting kindergarten in just a few short weeks.

This is it folks, this is my last kid, my youngest, my baaaaaaby!!!!!

A new chapter of my life is about to begin! Up till this point, I have always had one of my kids at home, and come September, no more!!!!

This makes me both sad and and happy.

I am happy because for the first time in 18 years,I will actually have time to clean the house. My days will be free. No more little ones at home, (at least before 3pm)I can work on my writing, work on this blog, and as I said earlier, get the house organized.

But then again, I am sad, my baby is going off to kindergarten!!!

I have been through this three times before. I should be a pro at this by now, but it is till sad.

if my tubes were not tied, cut, burnt to a crisp,I would probably have another baby. Perhaps I will just get another cat?

Anyway, the writing prompt was to list 8 things I am dreading about sending the kids back to school…..so here it goes.

1. My youngest son, is starting middle school (6th grade) Can he handle it? Or better yet, can his teachers handle him?

2. Will Sofia be okay without me?

3. Will Sofia be okay without her pacifier? (Don’t ask)

4. Will people now judge me because I am home and have no kids at home? Will they look at me and be all like “What does SHE do all day, watch Soaps and eat bon-bons?”

5. Can I do this? Can I have four kids in three different schools, while taking my husband to work?

6. Can I really work on my writing? I mean I will have the time now, but will it work? Is this what I am suppose to be doing?

7. How will I cook dinner? Kids get off at 3:30, Husband gets off at 5 (I have to pick him up) Should I have dinner ready or cook it when we all get home? Seriously, these things keep me up at night!

8. I know I am going to cry on that first day. In fact, I will come home to an empty house, get my coffee and probably blog with tears in my eyes. So I hope some of you will be here to keep me company.

and hey, at least it is coffee I will be drinking and not vodka!!

Sofia, we love you!! Enjoy your journey, it all starts here.

When the school year ended for my kids (June 20 something) I thought “Oh heck ya, finally I can put some work into my blog.”

Here we are, August 14th and I have not written one blog post over the summer.

Damn kids!

And now, I have three weeks left of summer and nothing, I repeat NOTHING to show for it.

So, to make a long story short, I am back, hopefully with some new reading material.

Also, in the coming weeks, Vodka Calling will have a new look that I am pretty excited about. Stay tuned.

Anyway, I will leave will this little tid-bit of a story.

The other day “The Husband” actually had a day off from work, which meant I had to go pick “The Kid” up from work. (Yeah, since I was last here, my oldest got himself a job, no car yet, but a job, so The Husband and I have to tag team on who picks him up)

So, because The Husband was busy trying to reach a new level on one of his stupid xbox games, it was I who had to go pick up “The Kid.”

About 10 minutes before I had to leave, I threw a frozen pizza in the oven for The Husband and The Kids. As I was leaving I told The Husband “Can you take the pizza out in about 5-8 minutes?”

“Oh yeah,I got it”

“Are you sure?”

“I think I can handle taking a pizza out of the oven”

And……you see where this is going.

Not convinced he had everything under control,I turned to my 7yr old daughter “Gracie, remind dad to take the pizza out, okay?”

“Okay mom”

I gave them all one last chance “Are you sure you just do not want me to wait for the pizza to be done?”

“GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!”

and so I left.

FORTY FIVE minutes later The Kid and I come home. As we are waking up the stairs to our apartment I can smell pizza.

Oh god.

The Kid assured me that it was out of the oven.

Right.

I open the door, head straight to the kitchen, the smokey kitchen, open the oven, and there it is, a black pizza.

Like really?!?!!?!

I believe my neighbour, who also happens to be MY APARTMENT MANAGER, was ready to call the fire department.

All the while, there is my husband, still trying to reach a stupid level on his game.

As far as my daughter, well she got caught up watching the E True Hollywood Story of Justin Bieber.

I do not think anything more needs to be said in this post, other than

1. I AM ALWAYS RIGHT

and

2. Thank God for vodka.

I need to assume for my own peace of mind, that anyone reading this particular blog post are…..

1. Fans of NJ Housewives

or

2. Familiar with the show.

Otherwise, this post will not make any sense,and a few of you may be ready to call AA on me.

New Jersey Housewives have changed. The show is no longer fun and comical. It is quite sad and depressing.

Caroline~ Last season she is all bout family, this season she wants to break a family up. Also…she is not speaking to her own sister.

Jacqueline~ Spineless little twit, more on her later.

Melissa~ In my humble opinion, came onto the show for all the wrong reasons. Despite what she says, family is not first with her.

Kathy~ Her son reminds me of a young Ralph Macchio so that’s cool…other than that, snooze.

Teresa~ She is the one everyone loves to hate.

Every week, after the show, the NJ Housewives write a blog on the BRAVO web site. Every week Miss Jacqueline Lauritta feels the need to write AT LEAST a seven page blog explaining why she does not like Teresa. Oy.

Jacqueline decided to block me from her Twitter. All because I told her “Enough with the 7 page blogs, we get it, u don’t like Teresa”

Jacqueline is an idiot.

SHE puts herself and her life on a REALITY SHOW. We,as the fans, have every right to have our say in a respectable manner.

As soon as JACQUELINE reads something she does not like, she blocks us.

Classy Jackie!!

So, I am going to hope for the best, yet expect the worse and assume that one way or another Jacqueline will read this post.

Dear Jacqueline,

What has happened to you? You were so real, raw, and had an innocence about you in the first season. We, as your fans, saw you struggle with miscarriages, trying to conceive. A lot of us were able to relate to you. Somewhere along the way you went from having real life problems to spending all your time bashing Teresa.

I am no longer a fan. You need to leave The Housewives, if for no one else, do it for your kids. You do not belong, and quite honestly, seem like a little “Kiss @SS”.

and…you blocked me from Twitter….and I did not even say anything bad!!

Everyone one of you gals needs to STOP talking the talk and START walking the walk. We only have one chance at this life, ONE CHANCE. Make it count. Because when you are at those pearly gates…..do you really think the big man upstairs is going to care that you were on a show, he cares about your heart….and right now it is not looking too good.

Now, I need vodka!

The other day I was doing some work on the computer, and by work I mean blogging and facebook. You bloggers back me up here. Blogging is work, you have to find time to write your post, make connections all while trying keep up w/ house, kids, spouses, etc. It’s work I tell ya!!!

Facebook, not so much, but it’s fun so whatever.

I am doing work on the computer when Vinnie (the infamous 11 yr old) ask if I have any gum.

“It’s in my purse, give me a second and I will get it for you”

Yeah, right.

“No mom, it’s fine, I will get it, see your purse is right here.”

Why do I even bother wasting my breath anymore?

My back is towards him as I am typing away. I can here him empty the contents of my purse all over the floor while trying to find a piece of gum.

“Hey Mom, what’s this?”

There he is. Holding one of my perfectly folded maxi pads, in the cool neon colors, that I keep in my secret compartment of my purse for those unexpected surprises.

“It’s for my period Vinnie, put it away and…..”

“OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, GROSS MOM GROSS,OH MY GOD AND I TOUCHED IT,OH MY GOD”

“Ummm, it’s not like it is used or anything”

“GROSS MOM, I NEED THERAPY NOW”

“Then just stay out of my purse!!”

Enter the girls.

Of course because it sounds like I am beating him, the girls come running to see what’s going on.

Little Gracie innocently ask, with the slightest bit of concern.

“What’s wrong with Vinnie?”

*sigh*

“He is just being dramatic”

“MOM HAS A BUTT PILLOW IN HER PURSE!”

Oy!

He is lucky he did not find my vodka!

The Saturday before Easter we went over to my husbands family house for a get together. My husbands sister and her husband had just moved into a new home. We would spend the day just hanging out,doing prayer and later some karaoke ( FYI I have mastered Elvis Presley’s “In The Ghetto”)

I have been married for about 7 years now. It has taking me a long time to feel comfortable with this family. My in laws are old school Samoan, and for the longest time I felt that they had wished their youngest son would have married a Samoan girl. But he got me instead!

They are good people,just old school.

All was going well. Everyone was enjoying themselves, my kids were actually behaving and not embarrassing me.

And then, it was time for prayer.

My husbands family and I have slightly different religious beliefs, so anytime prayer goes on I participate from a safe distance. I took a seat at their kitchen bar, which faces into their living room. The grandparents my sister in law and her son were sitting on the sectional, along with an Aunt. Joe and my kids were sitting on the floor. From my spot, I could see everything yet remain at a comfortable distance.

My brother in law also was at the kitchen bar. I am just going to assume he feels the same way I do, not that that is important to my little story.

My father in law started things out by having everyone sing some Samoan songs. I do not know how to speak Samoan so I usually just sit there and pretend someone very important called me.

After the singing, father-in-law asked the kids if they know what the true meaning of Easter is.

Silence.

I just knew that my 11 yr old (Vinnie) would come up with something spiffy such as “The real meaning of Easter is about the Easter Bunny”

I was ready for it, I had already planned my exit if any mention of the Easter Bunny came out of his mouth.

However,this is not how it happened.

All of a sudden, little Gracie (7) decides to tell my in laws, as loud as she can “MOM AND DAD WERE FIGHTING LAST NIGHT”

Just shoot me now.

I bury my head under my arms, while the room fills with that awkward kind of laughter. The kind where you just laugh to fill the silence,not because anything is really funny.

Again….

“I SAID MOM AND DAD WERE FIGHTING LAST NIGHT”

insert more pretend laughter.

My brother in law who is also with me at the bar is trying his hardest not to laugh “Boy, Gracie is really trying to throw you under the bus huh?”

“Shut up Mike”

Joe discreetly told Gracie to pretty much shut up.

“I SAID MOM AND DAD WERE FIGHTING LAST NIGHT A THEN THEY WERE GOING TO MAKE A BABY”

Oh my god where does this kid come up with this stuff? Like does her 7 yr old brain plot ways to humiliate me, in front of my in laws of all people?!

I just know my mother in law is probably thinking what kind of woman did her son marry?

“MOM AND DAD WERE FIGHTING AND MAKING BABIES”

It was then that my father in law decided who really cares what the true meaning of Easter is, lets eat!

At that point,I did not care about food. I left Joe to tend to the kids,I heard my vodka calling and I was gong to find it.

This was a writing prompt from Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop. I chose the prompt Write about a time your child embarrassed you in public.