Descisions

It’s Thursday, which means time for another round of Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop
Mama’s Losin’ ItFor this weeks prompt, I chose…

What is a decision that has irrevocably changed your life?

Irrevocably~not possible to revoke : unalterable

I had a problem. A huge problem. Not a problem that would fall under the lines of “my favorite lipstick has just been discontinued” or “My husband plays the x-box too much” I had a real problem, some may call it an addiction (and no, I am not talking about my vodka here.)

This is something that I probably need to talk more about, but not yet (other than this brief post) in due time it will all come out (So dad if you are reading this, no phone calls please!)

My problem, my addiction, almost ruined me, almost ruined us, my kids, my husband, everything that I had. I was spending all my extra money on my addiction, and it was bad. I knew I needed help,I just was not sure how to get the help. This was my secret, and I could not admit to it out loud, because if I did, then it made it real, and people would worry about me. I do not want anyone to worry about me. If I said it out loud, people would try to fix me, and I did not need that, I needed to fix myself.

And then, I hit my rock bottom,no one knew, I kept it a secret, but I was there. I was now the person you see on Dr Phil, or Celebrity Rehab (except I am not a celebrity) I hit my rock bottom.

And that is all it took. I say “all” as if it were just any other day, but no, it was not. My rock bottom was not pretty, but it was what I needed. I was reminded of a quote:

 Let God turn your mess into your message.

I know I have a message to share, I know it has to be on Gods timing, and I also know I had to hit my rock bottom to get there, and when I asked for help, and guidance, and strength from God, he gave it to me. Was it a walk in the park? Ummmmm, hell no!!! But I am still here.

Don’t let guilt over past mistakes steal your future. Ask for forgiveness, receive it and move on.

A decision that has irrevocably changed my life?

Asking for help.

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2 thoughts on “Descisions

  1. So glad that you had victory over this stronghold in your life. I think of mistakes I made and how some of them could have been really big ones had I traveled down the road a bit further.

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