DISCALIMER~ Dad, if you are reading this (which I know you are, you are the only family member who reads my blog! This may be one you might want to skip over…..just sayin!
Lately I have been feeling pretty good about myself. Since the kids have been back in school, I have developed a new routine, and it feels good. During the summer my days were filled with, well, kids. Now that school has started back, my days are filled with catching up on things I have neglected for the last, oh….umm….. 5 plus years, and I love it!
So, the other night, kids were asleep nice and early, my husband and I had a few drinks, watched “The Voice” and just relaxed, and then it was time for bed.
As I said before, I have been feeling pretty good about myself, so I thought I would try something new, and by “new” I mean new to me but something I am sure every other married couple who is not living under a rock has done.
I decided to initiate sex……well kind of anyway. In my own head I was initiating sex, so that is all that counts.
As my husband was in the restroom, taking his shower, brushing his teeth and whatever other nightly ritual he does, I was in our bedroom planning my “attack” so to speak.
I put on a simple yet sexy black slip type of thing, I laid down in bed, positioning myself just right. Showing a little but leaving some to the imagination. I scattered my freshly washed hair all along my pillow to create the illusion that I have a gorgeous mane of hair.
The plan was, for me to pretend I was asleep, my husband comes in and is so taken back by my sexiness that he just…well…… you know.
And before anyone chimes in on why it is I have to pretend I was asleep instead of just initiating sex, to that I say, I have no idea. I am just not good at starting things and this was my own little way of starting things…..if you know what I mean, which you probably don’t.
So I am laying in bed, thinking that I just pulled off a Megan Fox kind of look and my husband comes in, he takes of his shirt and comes to bed, to which I pretend to be suddenly awaken, this will be the point where he says “Wow, you look really hot right now.”
Well…..that is not quite exactly how things unfolded.
He does come to bed, and I do pretend to be suddenly awaken, but instead of him telling me I look really good, he tells me “What’s wrong, are you huffing and puffing again?”
So obviously I am now the one taken back by his statement, all these thoughts quickly run through my head while I am trying to think of the perfect response,yet still trying to look sexy,
and wait a minute…did he just say “again?” Like “are you huffing and puffing AGAIN?”
Again???? What the hell is that suppose to mean????
I still pretend he woke me out of a deep slumber. “Huh? What’s going on?”
Oh yeah, Meryl Streep watch out, I have got this academy award in the bag!
“Why are you huffing and puffing, what did I do now?”
Are you freaking kidding me?!?!?!
And…the window closed (among other things)
I got up out of bed, in my simple yet sexy black slip and I grabbed my granny robe, while making sure to huff and puff!!!!
I went to the kitchen, took a shot of vodka and made sure to exaggerate my huffs and puffs!
My poor husband had no idea what he did wrong, and, apparently, he has no idea I was trying to be seductive…and yes, believe it or not, this was me being seductive.
and, he was wrong.