When my husband and I started dating many years ago, I made it abundantly clear that I am a huge fan of Brad Pitt, Ralph Macchio, and the NY Giants. Because we were in the dating stage of our relationship, and not yet annoyed by each-other, husband thought it was cute.

Now,many years later, he is more annoyed by it. Not so much of Ralph Macchio, because even The Husband loves The Karate Kid, and well, the NY GIANTS, that’s just a given. Who would not be a fan (aside from The Husband)?

But for some reason my loyalty to Brad Pitt really annoys him. I mean if you even dare to say Brads name in this house, a huge debate will erupt over why he is not a good actor in my husbands eyes.

Please!

I suppose The Husband really truly wholeheartedly believes that there is a good chance of me running into Brad in the dairy section of my local grocery store,we will reach for the same gallon of milk, touch hands, and that’s it. Brad and I will ride into the sunset together and adopt children.

Anyway…..

The Husband also made it clear to me back in those early days of dating that he enjoys playing the xbox, and of course, because it was just a tad bit soon to show him what a witch I can be at times, I thought his xbox was cute.

Now, well now, I want to take a hammer to it and blame it on the kids.

The only time I can even tolerate the stupid xbox is when husband and I are arguing (usually over Brad Pitt). In order to diffuse the situation, in my most sultry voice ever I ask him “Do you want to play the xbox to take your mind off things?”

Score!

And we move on.

You would think after all these years he would have figured this out by now.

A few nights ago The Husband and I got into an argument, this time it was not about Brad Pitt, it was indeed about the xbox. The thing is, I was right. Of course I always “think” I am right, and even if I know I am wrong I will still try to convince The Husband I am right, but I am telling you, this time I was right, no questions asked.

I simply explained to him that he cannot come home from work, eat dinner, jump on the xbox then expect to have sex that night. No no no. Call me crazy but watching him play the xbox is not foreplay to me.

As gently as I could, I explained to him that sex for a woman, specifically me, does not start in the bedroom. It starts before anything even gets to the bedroom, a simple look, a gentle touch, you girls know the deal.

Somehow that argument escalated. Go figure.

The Husband~ Well when I ask you if you mind if I play the game, then you need to tell me no. Don’t tell me it is okay only so you can hold it against me later.

Me~ But you should already know, why do you always have to ask, do you really think I enjoy this every single night….well I don’t!!!!! (and I may have stomped my feet, just a little)

*long pause”

The Husband~ So…when did you say the new Brad Pitt movie comes out?

Me~ The Tree of Life? Oh, that comes out in April…why, are you actually going to go see it with……….wait a minute…….wait a single minute. You just used my own move against me, you used Brad Pitt to diffuse the situation, that’s my move, you can’t do that, that’s what I do with your xbox…what just happened here, I am confused?

So, bottom line, I guess after all these years husband was totally paying attention.

Now I need a new plan,

and vodka.

Admit it, when you first saw the title of this post you thought it was going to be about sex didnt you?