My night without power

Just the other night, our power went out around 8pm. (Yes, I paid my power bill)

We heard a huge exploding sound, then just like that no power.

I had just gotten out of the shower, decided to relax on line for a bit. As soon as I log on to Facebook, BOOM, no power.

Great.

The Husband and I previously had agreed to allow my 12 yr old to have a  friend spend the night. His place also lost power, so we figured what the heck, he can still come over.

My daughters call this friend Bob, his name is Maurice.

So about 15 minutes in to us not having power, I get annoyed. (Patience has never been my best trait)

“How much longer is this going to take” “Ugh, so annoying” “What are we suppose to do now?” “Tonight just keeps getting worse, my phone battery is going to die”

Yeah, I can be a spoiled brat at times huh?

So Anyway……

I decided to have a few drinks. And when I say “a few drinks” I probably mean about 8.

I also decided to have these drinks while The Husband was reading our girls bible stories.

I am so going to hell aren’t I?

As he was reading to the girls about Noah’s Ark, I am drunk texting my 19 yr old. Who happened to be out for the night.

The “drunk text” was nothing creepy or anything like that. No need to donate money to his therapy fund. I was just bugging him, because I was bored out of my freaking mind.

After The Husband finished with the bible stories, both girls just sat there with this glazed look over their face. Like they did not understand anything they just heard.

(Makes mental note to get them more involved in church!)

Then, my 8 yr old daughter, the one who is “special needs” the one who I tend to worry the most about, said the funniest line ever.

“So what are we supposed to do now, sit around and talk like a normal family?”

I seriously spit my vodka out of my mouth when she said that…..and, I was quite proud. She is quick with the one liners huh?

So then, The Husband suggested we all tell scary stories. (No, he was not drinking, only me)

The Husband starts it off, but his story was dumb. Only because it was told to him by his sister. He kept saying “The way my sister tells it is much better”

Yes, I would hope so, because when you tell a scary story, you cannot keep saying “and if I remember correctly this is what happened, but I am not sure”

Then it was my turn to tell a scary story. I told about an old house that my parents used to live in and my brother thought was haunted, except I kind put my own little twist on it. Okay, I lied. I mean I already had 5 drinks in me, I do not remember the stories my brother told me, so I made up my own.

The older kids got scared (Score!)

My daughters looked at me like I was a moron, and then asked “Can we go to sleep now?”

Okay, so the finale of the night. I seriously get into an argument with “Bob” (who is only 10 by the way)

We started talking about football. His favorite team, Dallas Cowboys.

Now…if you know ANYTHING about me, you know aside from loving my vodka, I also love my NY GIANTS. And, if you know anything about football, you know the GIANTS and the Cowboys are huge rivals.

So it was on. I have no shame in going up against a 10 yr old!

Me~ Bob, what is the name of the quarterback  for the Cowboys?

Bob~ Ummm, it’s Romeo.

Me~ WRONG!!!! Tony Romo, you are not a fan, you are jumping on whatever bandwagon you think is out there for the Cowgirls.

Bob~ But they won more Superbowls than your team.

Me~ Okay, look back, tell me the year MY team won their last Superbowl, then tell me the year the Cowgirls won their last Superbowl. Game over, I win. I win, I win. Boo-yah!!! I win, I win,

at this point The Husband had to come intervene…..and my 12 yr old son is probably ready for therapy.

Now, it’s time for bed. The power is still not on, so everyone is crashing in the living room. I have to sleep with one eye open because I think I pissed “Bob” off.

Well, maybe one more drink.

My husband used one of my own moves on me..

When my husband and I started dating many years ago, I made it abundantly clear that I am a huge fan of Brad Pitt, Ralph Macchio, and the NY Giants. Because we were in the dating stage of our relationship, and not yet annoyed by each-other, husband thought it was cute.

Now,many years later, he is more annoyed by it. Not so much of Ralph Macchio, because even The Husband loves The Karate Kid, and well, the NY GIANTS, that’s just a given. Who would not be a fan (aside from The Husband)?

But for some reason my loyalty to Brad Pitt really annoys him. I mean if you even dare to say Brads name in this house, a huge debate will erupt over why he is not a good actor in my husbands eyes.

Please!

I suppose The Husband really truly wholeheartedly believes that there is a good chance of me running into Brad in the dairy section of my local grocery store,we will reach for the same gallon of milk, touch hands, and that’s it. Brad and I will ride into the sunset together and adopt children.

Anyway…..

The Husband also made it clear to me back in those early days of dating that he enjoys playing the xbox, and of course, because it was just a tad bit soon to show him what a witch I can be at times, I thought his xbox was cute.

Now, well now, I want to take a hammer to it and blame it on the kids.

The only time I can even tolerate the stupid xbox is when husband and I are arguing (usually over Brad Pitt). In order to diffuse the situation, in my most sultry voice ever I ask him “Do you want to play the xbox to take your mind off things?”

Score!

And we move on.

You would think after all these years he would have figured this out by now.

A few nights ago The Husband and I got into an argument, this time it was not about Brad Pitt, it was indeed about the xbox. The thing is, I was right. Of course I always “think” I am right, and even if I know I am wrong I will still try to convince The Husband I am right, but I am telling you, this time I was right, no questions asked.

I simply explained to him that he cannot come home from work, eat dinner, jump on the xbox then expect to have sex that night. No no no. Call me crazy but watching him play the xbox is not foreplay to me.

As gently as I could, I explained to him that sex for a woman, specifically me, does not start in the bedroom. It starts before anything even gets to the bedroom, a simple look, a gentle touch, you girls know the deal.

Somehow that argument escalated. Go figure.

The Husband~ Well when I ask you if you mind if I play the game, then you need to tell me no. Don’t tell me it is okay only so you can hold it against me later.

Me~ But you should already know, why do you always have to ask, do you really think I enjoy this every single night….well I don’t!!!!! (and I may have stomped my feet, just a little)

*long pause”

The Husband~ So…when did you say the new Brad Pitt movie comes out?

Me~ The Tree of Life? Oh, that comes out in April…why, are you actually going to go see it with……….wait a minute…….wait a single minute. You just used my own move against me, you used Brad Pitt to diffuse the situation, that’s my move, you can’t do that, that’s what I do with your xbox…what just happened here, I am confused?

So, bottom line, I guess after all these years husband was totally paying attention.

Now I need a new plan,

and vodka.

Admit it, when you first saw the title of this post you thought it was going to be about sex didnt you?