The Final Countdown

An incident happened today that kind of made me turn into the girl from “The Exorcist” with my husband and children. Of course I am bringing it to the blog, because that is what I do best.

Funny thing is, there are a few people from my son and husband’s job who read the blog. (Shout-out to the work people! Thank you for reading.) With that being said……and because of the story I am about to share, it is important for me to note, we are fine. Everything is fine. I just had a moment.

I have been out of the work force for the past twelve years. When I was pregnant with Gracie, and we knew she had complications in utero, Joe and I decided together, I would be a stay at home mom. Once Gracie was born, the complications continued. We had weekly therapy appointments for her, along with her regular doctor appointments.

I had found my new niche, and I welcomed it. Our only concern was making sure Gracie was okay. That meant me being a stay at home mom, and doing what I needed to do. Although not always an easy road, we have made it work.

Twelve years later, Gracie is now a 6th grader,making wonderful progress. I feel I am now ready for something more, something for myself, and something that I can be proud of. My long-term goal (and by long-term I mean when Gracie hits highschool) I would like to work in the school district. I volunteer at my youngest daughter’s school daily. I have developed a bond with not only with the teachers, but the students as well. I cannot explain it. Everything about being present in the school is passionate to me. From seeing the same group of kids day in and day out, to popping in on classrooms and watching the teachers teach. The “behind the scenes” of it all.  I love everything about it and take in as much as I can.

A oppurtunity was presented to me that I felt I had to jump on. I was offered to be a parent facilitator. I felt this would be a good stepping stone for me. I would learn a lot….and why would I not do it?

Joe and I talked about it. He changed his days off so he could be home with the kids while I had my training days. He is supportive and will always support anything where the school is concerned. Our children’s school is amazing. We owe them so much and will always help out where we can.

I had my last training today. It was a very long yet productive day. Joe had everything under control. I was not worried.

My day was spent in a classroom for six hours. Trying to get myself prepared to run a meeting. I had “Listening” exercises. I had to talk about racism, I had to “problem solve.” And afterwards, I had to run to the grocery store for some last-minute items.

Joe’s day was spent in our livingroom.

I come home, lug all 8 grocery bags up two flights of stairs by myself. I am exhausted, and doubting my own strengths. I am questioning everything and find myself wondering if I made the right decision. I open my front door and have all my cats greet me, while their food bowl is empty. I throw the bags down for no other reason than loosing feeling in my arms. Joe comes to greet me, “Did you bring home any food?”

Annnnnddddddd that about did it!

“Are you kidding me right now, that is the first thing you are going to say to me. Did I bring home food?!?!?!”

At this point my youngest daughter comes out of her room crying. Apparently she feels her old brother and sister are all “up in her business.” She is 10.

Joe knows he probably should have used a better opener. “Hey, I did not mean anything by that, I just thought you brought home food.”

Because THAT is so much better.

“You see that bag on the floor, the one by your feet, the one the cats are getting into, well, that’s fried chicken. Enjoy!”

Because God has such a good sense of humor it was at this exact moment when my 23-year-old son texted me.

“Mom, any chance you can do my laundry for me?”

Kill me now.

It was also at this exact moment where Gracie comes out of her room.

“Mom, the brush is stuck in my hair. I fell on the brush and now it is stuck.”

I have no clue how she did it, but she did. The freaking brush was stuck in her hair.

Then, I had my breakdown.

“YOU GUYS WOULD BE LOST WITHOUT ME. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT. GOD FORBID SOMETHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO ME, WOULD YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO GET DINNER….OR DO LAUNDRY……OR BRUSH YOUR HAIR. I NEVER ASK FOR ANYTHING, I HAVE ONE THING, ONE THING THAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME, ONE THING THAT MAY MAKE A DIFFERENCE AND I CANNOT EVEN DO THAT WITHOUT EVERYTHING FALLING A PART?!?!?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!?! I HAVE SPENT 12 YEARS ADAPTING TO YOUR WORK SCHEDULE…….I HAVE BUILT OUR CREDIT UP ALL BY MYSELF SO WE CAN BUY A DAMN HOUSE……DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT BILLS WE HAVE TO PAY EACH MONTH……AND……SOMEONE NEEDS TO EXPLAIN TO ME EXACTLY HOW ONE FALLS ON A BRUSH WHICH RESULTS IN HAIR BEING TANGLED IN A WAY THAT I NEED SCISSORS TO UNDO. I ASKED FOR ONE DAY,ONE SATURDAY……AND THIS IS WHAT I GET……DO YOU GUYS EVEN KNOW WHERE I WAS?!?!?!?!

Silence.

Yeah, I kinda lost it.

Look, I love my family. We have been through hell and back and have beaten the odds. I have always put them first, even if it meant my own needs were ignored. That’s okay. It was my job, one that I enjoyed. I nurtured the babies, I would take them to the ER when they fell out of windows, or they had projectile vomiting, or when they swallowed a thumb tack. I would stay up all night trying to bring down 103. fevers. I have went through ups and downs. I have felt my best and have felt my worst. I have been supportive of giving money we did not have to give. I have spent years away from my own family, I have done it all for my husband and children. All I ask for is the same in return. As the kids get older and my husband advances in his job, this is my time to shine. I would like to look at it as I was your light for 12 years. I kept those home fires burning….but…….my light is running out. Allow me to be relit…….without burning the house down in the process.

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