Most of you know I work in a Special Ed classroom for 3rd-5th graders. This “lockdown” and “social distancing” has been very challenging to not only my coworkers but our students as well. Today, we did a drive-by kinda thing for once of our non-verbal students whose birthday is today. The big 11! It made my heart happy watching her come out, surprised by us all. She was jumping and skipping. That’s how you know she is happy. Her mother is amazing, invited us into her beautiful home where we were welcomed with a wonderful meat and cheese platter. You guys, the driveway alone is nicer than my apartment, and probably about the size of my entire complex. You can only imagine what the inside looked like. I am standing there taking it all in, my student, my coworkers, the beautiful impeccable home where you could eat off the floor. I had that same fleeting thought, the same thought that has made an occasional appearance the last few days. “Is this where I went wrong with my son? I never had much money.”

Because my luck is the way it is, it was no surprise that my son messaged me while I was at my student’s birthday party. “Do not call me, do not write me, I will reach out when I am ready. You are a liar. You telling everyone I do drugs was wrong”

Well then. Let me give you a very quick backstory. My family is very intertwined with biodad. Trust me, you do not want the gory yet juicy details. If you remember the show “Jerry Springer” then you are pretty much caught up. My youngest sister has always been close to my ex. They are family. She lived with him and his girlfriend at one point. I get it, I really could not care any less. I am used to it. As long as boundaries are not crossed.

It is my opinion that my sister is very “Pro Ex” even more than she is “Pro Sister” Fine. I get it, this really is not anything new. Well, when my son informed me that after 19 years of no communication, he now wanted to go live with him, I called up my sister. My sister and I are close but not AS close as she seems to be with my ex. I called her because I needed to find out that the ex was on the up and up. I needed to know my son was telling me the truth. I told my sister everything that I had experienced with my son. I told her about the meth, I told her that my own son admitted that to me. I told my sister that my son had friends telling me all sorts of things. And, I told my sister “I am not telling you this to tell the ex, I am just telling you so someone has all the information.”

Naturally, my sister tells the ex.

Naturally, my ex tells my son.

This is what provoked the message from him today.

Yay me!

Oh, and my sister was the one who put my son and ex in contact. Now that’s cool and all. He is 26 and needs to make his own choices. However, the fact that I had to find out from my son and not my own sister that she was indeed the one who put them in contact, well, that stung. When I was talking to her on the phone, mad, sad, scared for my son, one would think that would have been the perfect opportunity to say “Hey Jen, just a heads up, but I was the one who told AJ how to contact him.”

So, I am mad. I am hurt, I am so damn annoyed at everything. I know she reads this blog, I have no idea how she is going to feel after reading this post. I am not at a place where I can talk to her just yet, but I sure as hell can write and vent.

Hopefully, a year from now, everything will look different. Hopefully, all of the main characters will have grown and learned from this, myself included.

But for now, I need to go through this anger and pain in order to eventually heal.

~Jennifer