It seems that in all the commotion of Gracie, her seizure, her EEG, and her upcoming MRI, I have overlooked one very important aspect in all of this.
Two teachers approached me today at the school with concerns regarding Sofia. The first teacher just wanted to give me a “heads up” that today, in class, Sofia was on the verge of tears.
The second teacher, who Sofia has an exceptional bond with, explained to me that Sofia is feeling lost. She has a lot of questions about Gracie, yet does not know how to ask.
I did not see this coming, but I should have.
Sofia and I had a little chat tonight. Mother daughter. The first question Sofia asked, “Is Gracie going to die?”
It has been determined I pretty much suck at this parenting thing. How did I not see this coming? Sofia was the one who found Gracie. Sofia saw the seizure up close and personal. Sofia saw her dad and I try to wake Gracie, and Sofia saw her dad and I run out of the house with Gracie, giving Sofia the only explanation we could in the heat of the moment. “Aj Vinnie will be here, I will call and check in.”
So for the past few days, this little girl has been holding this in. Wondering if her sister was going to die, and felt too afraid to ask those tough questions. I have absolutely no idea on how to find that perfect balance, however it is more important now than ever that I do.
I told Sofia that Gracie will be just fine. I told Sofia if she has any questions, or does not understand anything, to ask questions! Whether it is her dad and I, or the teachers at the school. Just talk, get those questions answered.
For now, the only explanation I could tell Sofia was that Gracie will be going back to the Doctor in a few weeks for a special test where she gets to be asleep. I explained that she will be with us as we take Gracie to the Doctor and bring her home. I do not know what else I can do.
Then there is Vinnie.
Vinnie also had a breakdown today. I was outside on the phone and hear a loud noise. I come in to check on him (as he was the only one here) and find him laying on his bed. He has a bloody hand and punched a hole in the wall. It seems that Vinnie’s girlfriend has been cheating on him, and he found this out by way of text message. From the guy who is doing the cheating.
I have never seen Vinnie this way before. I am no doctor, but I would say he was having an anxiety attack. He was so distraught, he fell into the cat liter box, and just laid there. Crying, bleeding, and hurting.
Needless to say, I have no idea what I am doing….because if I do not keep myself busy, and productive, then I would be right there with him, laying in the cat liter.
Vinnie and Sofia 2007