The Grey Area

Christin~ A conversation with a friend the other day got me thinking about a taboo subject. Is it ever okay to date a married person? Now, I know your first reaction is “Hell NO!” but as I probed the subject more deeply, there is no one answer for different scenarios. In the case of my friend “Jax”, he has been dating a married woman for about a year. She has told him repetitively that she will get a divorce when “her son graduates” or “when she gets all of her ducks in a row”. Needless to say, her son graduated almost a year ago and does anybody ever have all their ducks in a row? Unfortunately, he believed the lies she told and he is left heartbroken, while she goes home to her husband.

A similar situation transpired with another friend of mine. After reconnecting with an old friend, spark began to fly. The chemistry was real and promises were made. Unfortunately, “Frankie” was married, but in the middle of a divorce. So, he said. A year later, he was still in the middle of divorce, luckily “Carmen” was able to see the truth and end it. WHY DO PEOPLE SAY THEY ARE GETTING A DIVORCE, WHEN THEY ARE NOT? If you are planning on staying with your husband/wife, why waste someone else’s time. I don’t get it. If you are that unhappy in your marriage, it’s simple…JUST LEAVE!

Jennifer~ I also have a friend who has been struggling. Completely different end of the spectrum from Christin’s. My friend, “Gina” has been married to “Jack” for 13 years. Not always an easy road, but nothing good is. They have seen their ups and downs, and are still kicking strong. About a year ago there was a shift. Intimacy stopped. There has been no sex, no kissing, no hugging, no affection whats-so-ever. One would automatically assume one of the parties was having an affair. But, what if they weren’t? What if for no reason at all, all intimacy stopped? One of the parties has expressed their needs, and it has fallen on deaf ears. So what happens now. Do they continue on, pretending everything is okay? Does one party have “pity sex” just to keep the other one happy? Who wants to have pity sex? Would anyone in their right mind give them a “free pass” to stray in their marriage? Of course not, nor should they……however, what if, no one would get hurt? What if no one would find out? If a need is not being met in a marriage, and the need has been expressed, what then do you do? Do you call it quits even though every other aspect of the marriage is fine? No you don’t…..but what is the answer? Is it fare for the other party to continue going without their needs being met?

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