“Don’t Let the Bastards Get You Down”

This past Thursday I volunteered at the elementary school my daughters go to.  I try to volunteer at their school as much as I can. It is something I truly enjoy, and feel very blessed that I am in a position to do so.

This past Thursday was no exception. Except it kind of was.

I had one job to do. Just one.  All that needed to be done was for me to go to the kindergarten classroom, pick up three kids, walk with them to the health screening room so they could have their hearing checked, walk them safely back to class, then pick up three new kids. Easy right?

I am at the school often. I see these adorable little kids walking in a nice single file line in the halls with their teacher. So well behaved. So quiet.

Imagine my surprise when it did not quite work out that way with me. The first three kids I had the pleasure of walking with wore me out. Like wore me out in the way where running a marathon would have been less draining than walking three little guys about 100 feet down the hall.

Of course they line up so nicely when their teacher calls their name. Nice and quiet, lined up in their classroom. How cute do they look?! As soon as their feet hit the carpeted hallway. All bets were off. One little boy felt the need to break away from me and head into the teachers lounge. Another little guy thought walking backwards would be the way to go. The last little one just took off. I still have no idea if he ended up getting his hearing tested or not.

This was only my first three!!!

When I returned two of the three little guys back to their teacher, I was dripping in sweat. My exact words to their teacher “I do not know how you do what you do because I am already worn out and it has only been 10 minutes.”

She looked at me and laughed.  “Oh sometimes it is a challenge.”
She says this while her entire class is sitting nicely on their reading mats, reading. Quietly.

These kids got me. Like as soon as they had me one on one they knew. They just knew. It was as if they had their own secret language “This lady right here, she is easy. We got this, just follow my lead.”

I believe they communicate through some kind of eye contact. They just knew.

My theory…..when teachers go to school to become a teacher, there is some secret unknown class that none of us common folk are privy to. In this class they are taught special powers. Much like a superhero. These teachers must then take an oath to never ever give away their secret powers, because if they do, then the cute adorable bastards will win. I am convinced of this.

For those that do not know, I have four children. I mean this is not exactly my first rodeo. I know kids. At least I thought I know kids. Now I question everything. Thank you kindergarteners.

Guess what. On Monday I am doing this again. We have one last class to do.

Game on kindergarteners! I welcome the challenge. My armor is ready. I have m&m’s and stickers on hand. Oh yeah. I know as soon as you see that shiny red sticker….or that mouth watering m&m, that will speak to you. That will tell you “Oh, this lady is getting smarter. She is now bribing us with stickers and candy. Well played weird lady, well played. It’s not over yet!”

Yeah. I got this.



Vodka- well, he is in the lead.

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