My 12 yr old daughter, Sofia, wrote something. I am not sure if it should be called a post, a letter, an essay or what. She wrote a piece. She wrote her truth. In this piece, she talked about how she very recently admitted to me that she likes both boys and girls.
As you can imagine, the last few days we have been having many different conversations. Some initiated by me, some initiated by her. All of our conversations begin and end the same.
“We love you no matter what. We do not care who you date in the future. As much as we appreciate your honesty, dating rule is 17. Whether you are dating boys, girls or the Purple Freakin’ People Eater, there is no alone dating until you are 17. More importantly, we love you. You are strong and you are brave.”
Sofia was naturally worried about what her family would think. Especially her brothers and father. If I am to be honest, I was worried too.
I grew up in the church. I know how my family feels. I know what my family believes. I grew up in Virginia, during a time when even mixed relationships were frowned upon, not to mention homosexuals. Back then, very few people were openly gay, and if they were, it’s pretty safe to say they got jumped a time or two.
So when my 12 yr old daughter full of bravery and strength tells me she likes boys and girls, of course, my mind goes to the worst.
What will my family say?
What will my husband’s family say?
I know my family will be embarrassed.
Will they feel I brought them shame?
Will they blame me?
They won’t take me or Sofia seriously.
Then, I started thinking, if I feel this much anxiety about posting my daughters “coming out post” I can only imagine how much anxiety she felt holding it in.
I am a Christian. I believe in God. I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins. I believe I am a sinner. I believe we are all sinners. I do not believe that being gay is a sin.
I wish I was able to eloquently explain why it is that I do not feel being gay is a sin, but I can’t. However, I will give it my best try. It is just something I feel inside. When I pray to God and I ask for daily guidance and strength, when I pray for his will and direction, I just know that for me and my own personal relationship with God, I just know being gay is not a sin. I mean really, I am such a big ole hot mess, it probably is not even on God’s radar to speak to me about being gay. That’s just how I feel, and I do not know maybe I am wrong, but can anyone really question my own relationship with God?
When Sofia’s brothers read what she wrote, one of them cried. “Oh Mom, she got me. She really got me with the feels. I am proud of her.” The other one, read it “That’s what’s up. I am going to go give her a hug and tell her I am proud of her.”
When my husband read it he says “I would rather be dead than have any one of my kids be afraid to tell me anything. I love them all, no matter what.”
I posted Sofia’s piece on my personal Facebook page. I was nervous. I have a very diverse group of friends and family. I was just scared. “Oh she is too young, she does not know what she is talking about.” “What did you say to her? Maybe she feels you want her to be gay?” I don’t know, this is where my mind goes.
When I was a little girl, my first crush was Ralph Macchio. Soon after Michael J Fox, and then Buck Seward. A fellow student in my 4th-grade class. I knew I liked boys at an early age. No one ever said to me “Well, let’s give it time. Maybe you will change your mind and like girls when you are older.” For me personally, I just do not feel it works that way. You know what you know.
What I do know is Sofia has more confidence in her little pinky than I do in my entire body. She has a voice. A strong powerful voice. Sofia was the one who told me “I want to share my story. You never know Mom, I may be able to help someone.”
So, without further ado. Here is Sofia’s Story.
When I told mom and my sister I might like girls and boys I was so happy to tell them and scared because I always get this impression that you had to like boys only because my sister likes boys and my brothers like girls. So I always thought I had to like boys. But I never had a crush on anyone. But I always felt okay dating girls and boys but never had a crush. Weird. Then I realized I might like boys and girls it was weird at first but I was happy too cause it didn’t feel like I only had to like boys. It made me happy but scared because what would my family think of me? Would they hate me or kick me out? I was scared. But when it was me and my sister and my mom up and talking about relationships and my mom asked if we like girls or boys or both then I just said it that I might like girls and boys. I was so happy to let that out. My mom did not care as long as I was happy and hearing those words made me so happy to know that my mom supports me. And my sister did too but what scared me the most was my brothers and dad. I mean would they be disgusted with me or try to change me? Then it was me and my mom talking on the couch and I asked if my brothers or dad hate me if I like girls and boys. Then mom told me that the brothers won’t care as long as I am happy and dad the same thing. He won’t care as long as I am happy. That made me smile knowing my family is there and supporting me. I know it might be hard but it’s going to be okay in the end cause if you have someone you trust then tell them because they will understand.