This blog post is more for me than anyone else.

I want to document tonight. It is important to me. Sometimes I like to look ahead into the future. Not always concentrating on the here and now. That can either be a character trait or a character flaw. The jury is still out on that one. For now, we will call it a character trait.

My brother left for his four month deployment tonight. As I am writing this, he is on his 14 hour flight to a location that for obvious reasons I cannot disclose.

Because of the time difference between him and I, I was lucky enough to be able to text with him up until the plane took off. Talk about an emotional roller coaster.

The good news. He will not be strapped to a wall for 14 hours like he originally thought (military aircraft.) The picture he sent me of the plane….pretty fancy! Lots of room. I would say more room than on the commercial first class flights. He has an aisle seat. We all know aisle seats are the best. Also, there are a few attractive people on the flight that caught his eye. Hopefully he is sitting next to one.

The bad news. There happens to be a few babies on the flight. Babies who are already crying before the plane takes off.

This makes me laugh. I needed to laugh. The last text he sent me as he was boarding was  “I love you so much, talk to you soon.”

Oh no. No no no. I could not have our last text message for four months be an “I love you text.” I know I am crazy, but I needed him to say something funny. I needed to laugh and not cry.

This is where the babies come in. Thank you babies for bringing a little bit of laughter into my emotional night…..and it’s okay if you need to cry for a bit. We understand, you’re a baby! Hopefully, when I am able to talk to my brother again, one of his stories will involve “crying babies @#*$(%&  on my flight!”

I need that. I need to laugh and not be sad.

I know there are a lot of military families out there who probably want to punch me in the face right now. “Really, you’re sad about a four month deployment, talk to me when your husband is gone for two years at a time.”

I get it, I really do. You military spouses do it all. You are are my hero, because I already know I would not be able to do it.

This is new ground for me. This is my baby brother. The little boy who used to come hang out in my room while we would listen to Bryan Adams’ “Everything I do, I do it for you” is now on his way to the middle of the ocean. I need help on how to get through this.

I am so proud of him.

I am also worried for him. That’s more on me and my overly protective issues. He totally has this. This is what he wanted and he made it happen.  I am also kind of jealous of him. It has taken me, what, four years to write a book, and this guy decided he wanted to join the Navy and made it happen in like a three month time period. Time for me to step up my game!

Recently, I have been a little bit sad because him and I have not had one on one time together. I cannot remember the last time him and I had a drink together, had a meal together, sat down and ate junk food while gossiping together. It has been a long time.

He called me today. As he was doing his last minute packing, getting ready for his flight tonight, he called me. It was perfect. Although we were not face to face having our drink, it felt we were. He made me laugh. He made me laugh so hard. No one can tell a story like he can. In his next life, he needs to be a comic.

So yes, I am sad. I am going to worry, I will most likely stress myself out when he does not answer an email in what I deem a timely fashion, but I am so freakin’ proud. And…once I get over my own demons, I know my brother totally has this.

Anyone would be honored to know my brother. I am not just saying this because he is my brother (honestly, I am not.) He is the least judgmental person I know. He is fair, he is loyal, he will tell it like it is without making you feel stupid. He is going places. Literally and figuratively.

In four months from now, when his ship comes home, I want to be able to look back on this blog and remember how I felt. I want to be able to look back and say..

“Well, that went fast!”

“Soooo, tell me your funny ship stories.”

“So, when do you get leave?”

“So, remember, Seattle 2016, be here or be square.”

I cannot wait to be able to nag him on the phone.

I already miss him. Right about now he is probably over some ocean with screaming babies who are messing up his game.

Anthony, I know you will not read this anytime soon, but when you do, please know that I could not have asked God for a better brother if I tried. You are truly one of a kind.

You do what you gotta do, and in four months, we will be here waiting to hear it all.

I love you always, kick ass.