So I thought I was going to die…

I have no idea where to begin this story other than to say if my life was made into a t.v sitcom, I would be making bank money.

For the past three months or so, I have noticed an unusual freckle on my face. Those of you that do not have the pleasure of knowing me in person should know that I have freckles on my face. I would say a fair amount along my cheeks.

There was one particular freckle on my left cheek that just did not look right. So, I waited. I also talked to my sister who had a few skin cancers scares, and then I waited some more.

This thing was not going away, in fact, it was changing, getting bigger, and darker, and uglier. So…I did what any moron would do and I googled “skin cancer symptoms.”

It did not look good. I had to get this checked out before it spreads. The good thing is skin cancer is one of the most curable types of cancer if caught early enough. Well, I was already three months in and freaking out.

Seriously, I was freaking out. I could not sleep at night, I kept having dreams of  dying and Joe raising the kids by himself. I told myself that before I die I want to write letters to the kids for all the important events I will miss. Prom, wedding, first date….jail time (that one is for Vinnie) and I even thought I should write a  letter to Joe’s new wife because she would be playing a big part in my kids life.

I was stressed, worried, scared, and of course kept this all to myself. I did not want my family to worry (they would have) and I certainly did not want Joe to worry (he would have) so I figured “I got this” just keep things on the down low till I am able to get in to see a dermatologist/RN.

My appointment was this past Thursday. With the kids safe at school and Joe safe at work, I was able to go, feeling confident that I was not making anyone worry for no reason.

This was my first time going to a dermatologist. I was nervous. Especially because I figured I had the early stages of skin cancer.

I am in the office playing Candy Crush Saga on my phone, trying to do anything I can to help me not think of what will happen in the next 15 minutes or so.

Finally, they call my name and I head back. My dermatologist (who is also a RN) is stunning. I mean stunning. There are a lot of pretty people out there but this lady had a certain kind of class and sophistication that you either have or do not have. She had it….and she was 50. She did not look 50, probably late 30’s to early 40’s. And…….she also had skin cancer two previous times in her life. So, I knew I was in the right place.

She has me lay back on the table with god awful fluorescent lights, and hands me a magnifying mirror. I believe that was my first glimpse into hell.

She tells me to sit back up and she goes over my history, am I a drinker, drug user, smoker, sun exposure, blah blah blah.

“You’re nervous arent you?”

Well of course I am nervous! She told me to sit tight she will be right back with something to calm my nerves. I was wondering what my chances were that it would be vodka.

Once she returns she hands me this glass of ice,  berry mixture, and tells me to drink it, it will help to de-stress me.

I took a small sip. It tasted like vitamins….but then, I started thinking. And as history has shown, the worse thing I can do is to start thinking.

No one knows where I am at (because I kept it a secret) I could totally disappear and no one would have any idea where to look for me. What if my drink is drugged and she wants to rob me or use me for some kind of weird health/science experiment or something?

Then she started asking me “How old are your kids?” “What are your plans for the rest of the day?”

So I made sure to tell her I had to pick Joe up as soon as I left the office so she would think someone would be expecting me.

yYes, I am a moron who watches too many movies.

Finally it is time to get down to business. She tells me to take a few deep breaths and relax. I lay back down and she comes to examine my freckle.

“Is this what you are concerned about?”

I look in the mirror, and confirm, yes, that is what I am worried about.

She gets pretty close, looks at then says to me “Jennifer, that is just a large blackhead, that’s nothing, I can get rid of that now?”


“Yes, you probably need a better skin cleaning ritual at night, but that’s all it is, see watch”

Two q-tips later, my skin was clear. No unusual freckle, nothing.

Needless to say I was quite embarrassed, and felt like a fool, and made a mental note to go to the store to pick up a good facial cleanser……..and vodka.

2 thoughts on “So I thought I was going to die…

  1. OMG….I was like where is this going….she is freaking me out!!!!!!! Stop watching tv and stay off of google for health problems!!! And aways tell somewhere you are going!! Glad you are ok!!!!!!!!!!!….Lisa

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