How many Epic Mom Fails do I have under my belt now?

Last night, at Gracie and Sofia’s school, there was a special Awards Night Assembly. Gracie received an award for her accomplishments in Math. One would think “Aww, how sweet” “Oh, what a great story” “How could Jen POSSIBLY mess this one up?”

Well, grab some vodka because I am about to tell you how.

It all started the day before the Awards Night Assembly. I am standing outside the school, waiting for the girls to get out.

My phone rings.
I do not recognize the number.
Because I do not recognize the number I decide to answer…because I am nosey.
It was the school. The same school that I am standing in front of.

Since the girls are due out anytime now, I was a little confused on the phone call.
I am looking around wondering if I am being punked or something. Surely the lady on the other end, who is calling to remind me about Awards Night knows I am right outside of the school, waiting to pick up the kids?

She did not. In fact, she was kinda surprised when I told her “Okay, I need to go now, the girls are coming out”

Perhaps it was the language barrier…..or not.

Before we hang up, I assure her that we will be at the school tomorrow night. She then makes sure to let me know how important and special this is for the kids, and even suggested I bring some balloons for the occasion.

Moron. This is not my first go around. I have an 18 year old son.

I got this.

Fast forward to last night.

The plan was, AJ (18 yr old son I was just talking about….oh wait, he is actually 19. I could go back and edit, but the fact that I did not realize how old my oldest kid is kinda puts the icing on the cake to this story.)

Anyway, back to the plan. AJ was going to cook the girls dinner, while I run to pick Joe up from work. We would come back to the house for about 15 minutes (just enough time for me to comb their hair and make sure they look presentable to take in public)

While waiting, Joe asked me if I knew where my NY GIANTS hat was.


“Umm, so I can wear it”

“No, you cannot wear it. I mean under normal circumstances I would love for you to wear my hat, but no, not tonight”

“Why not?”

“Because, you know, the whole no hat in school rule. It’s a respect thing”


All went as planned.

We even got to the school with time to spare, found some seats, and then just waited. The girls were looking around the room to see if they could spot some of their friends, while Joe was looking around the room pointing out every male who was wearing a hat.

Finally, the Principal starts welcoming everyone, making introductions to some people who I do not remember.

Gracie’s teacher sneaks up on us and sits down next to me. (Gracie is on my right, then Sofia, then Joe….if you need a visual)

The teacher and I quietly say hi, and chit chat for a bit. She is a great teacher, young, hip….so you know, her and I have a lot in common.

The next few minutes happened so fast. The Principal then begins to explain how the awards ceremony will go. He will call the name of the kid, the kid is then suppose to walk up to the front of the gym, take a picture with the Principal and some other teacher, then walk to the left of the stage and wait till all names have been called.

And then it hit me.

Crap crap crap.

I forgot to tell Gracie she was getting an award.

Gracie, the one who cannot stand change, who has her set routine and does not like to be deterred from it, the kid who does not like surprises at all. I forgot to tell her that we were indeed here to watch her to get an award.

Clearly this is not going to end well.

OF COURSE, Gracie was the first kid called.

Gracie sits there.

I look at her teacher with a panic stricken look on my face.

“Ummm, I kinda for got to tell Gracie about this”

“You forgot? How did you forget? Okay, we will use the band aide method…….Gracie, you got an award, congratulations, go up on stage…go go go!”

Yeah, epic mom fail how many now?

But it gets better. Because I forgot to tell Gracie about the award, I also forgot to tell Sofia. Or at least prep Sofia that tonight “Gracie is getting an award and if you work really hard next time you will get one too”

Yep, none of that happened. So it was no surprise when after all the names of the kids were called, Sofia burst into tears “I WANT AN AWARD TOO”
Joe was ready to kill me, the teacher is laughing at me, I am looking for the closest exit and Gracie is up on stage giving me her pissed off look.

and remember the phone call from the moron at school the day before?

She is having the last laugh now, as we gather the screaming children, who do not have balloons. One is yelling “What was that about mom?” and the other “You hurt my feelings, I did not get an award!”

Somehow, a quick stop at 7-11 for Gatorade and gummy worms made everything better.

At least for the kids.

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