So we are getting evicted…

~ Vodka Calling ~ Leave a comment

What better way to bring my blog back to life than to talk about my eviction. Actually, I plan to write about my “Getting evicted and finding a new place to live” journey because I assume, once the dust settles down, and we are where we should be, it will be fun to go back and read the posts about the eviction just to see how crazy I was.

To make a long story short, my stupid apartment management people are evicting us because they say we have too many cats. We probably to, but that is not really the point right now.

Here are the facts.

1. Husband, kids, cats and I have been here TEN FREAKIN YEARS. Without any issues. TEN YEARS. Never a complaint, never late on rent. Nothing. TEN YEARS. We have always had a good relationship with management.

2. No one has once said anything about my cats. Nothing.

3. Our apartment is outdated. Very out dated. The paint in our kitchen and bathroom sink is peeling. We have what looks like mold on our ceiling in the master bedroom. We have been told to “just use bleach.” Whatever.

Feb. 28, 2015 we got the notice to either get rid of our cats, or we will be evicted. Important to note, there is a lovely pit bull who lives a few doors down. Great dog, well-behaved, but lets just say one of him probably equals out to the weight of all my cats.

I know some will disagree. My husband and I feel these cats are our children, they are part of our family. My kids have never known “life” without these guys. We are not getting rid of them and will be finding a new place to live….in 10 days.

So, yeah, the whole 10 day thing sucks, but what is the alternative, to leave out cats? Not going to happen.

I spent today searching online for an affordable house. Sent out a few emails. Hopefully tomorrow, I will hear something. Both my husband and I feel we are kinda fighting an uphill battle. We are. We so totally are. I believe in God, and although it is hard, I am having faith that there is something better out there for us that I just do not see right now.

If you believe in prayer, then we can use them. If you believe in “Kitty Wishes” we can use them too. Whatever you got, we can use.

I will most likely be blogging everyday, because it is not like I do not have enough going on.

One last important thing I would like to mention. These are cats! It is not like I want to keep a meth lab running. They are sweet innocent kitties.

Okay, time for a drink.

Vodka is Calling.

My Saturday from the brinks of Hell

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So this is my first ever blog post for 2015. How fitting that all I am going to do in this blog post is complain about my day.

My day started off by a visit to my landlord. It is time to renew the lease. For some stupid reason that remains unclear to me I am not allowed to renew my lease until I have proof of renters insurance. Not just proof mind you, but my ridiculous apartment complex wants to have themselves listed as a policy holder. Okay, fine, whatever. I spoke with my renters insurance company and they assured me they sent a fax to my landlord. Which brings me to my visit today. I go to the office. It’s pretty busy, but that’s okay, not a problem. When it is my turn, I explain to the girl with the too big of hair and too much makeup who is walking around in hooker boots the situation. I gently let her know that they should have a fax and I would like to go ahead and schedule my appointment to renew my lease so I am not charged on a month to month basis.  She is smiling and nodding and saying “Uh huh, yeah, okay, okay, sounds good.”  in that pitchy, whiny, high shrilled voice that would drive anyone mad,  and quite frankly I am feeling as if she is rushing me. I finish talking and she says to me “Sounds good, just come back when we have the fax.”

Idiot.

“Look, I can see your busy here but I feel you are trying to blow me off, the fax should be here. Can you at least pretend to go look for it?”

A few minutes later after pretending to look something up ON THE COMPUTER, she tells me they do not have the fax. Whatever, I am older and wiser than this little cupcake. I go home, open my email, print out the letter from my renters insurance company that clearly states they sent the fax in, and take it back to Little Miss Cupcake. All I get in return was “Oh, look at that, we must have missed it.” Yeah, you think?!

Now it is time for my son and I to head to The Commons Mall to do an exchange on shoes. After spending 10 minutes looking for a parking space (seriously, I thought the holiday rush was over with?) We make our way inside. Except for some reason my son feels the need to walk about five feet behind me. Did I mention he is 13? Okay, I get it, but funny how he does not mind being “seen” with me when we grab at quick bite at the food court.

We decide on the Gyro shop. This place is good, authentic Greek food run by a husband and wife team, both who are Greek, obviously. We place our order, stand off to the side sipping our drinks as we wait for our food. At this time a young black lady approaches the counter and places her order. Next thing we hear, the husband, in his very thick Greek accent talks to this lady.

Greek~ May I ask serious question?

Lady~ Sure!

Greek~ No want to offend, I serious.

at this point my son and I are looking at each other, knowing that when someone says “I do not want to offend” then in about two seconds, they will say something offensive.

Lady~ Sure, go ahead!

Greek~ Why do black people only order Sprite?

My son and I are now choking  on our drinks.

Lady~ Ummm, well I cannot speak for all black people, but I order Sprite because there is no caffeine.

Greek~ Good, good to know.

Alrighty then. Moving on.

I drop my son off at home and make my way to the grocery store. I already know what you are thinking. I am asking for any trouble that comes to find me at the grocery store. No one in their right mind will go to the grocery store on a Saturday afternoon. Except me, and the entire suburb of Federal Way.

Let the record show I usually do my grocery shopping on Wednesday mornings because everyone is usually at school or work. I had no idea pure craziness exists on Saturday mornings at the grocery store. Clearly I have been spoiled, and after today I will never ever again go to the grocery store on Saturday.

So I am in the very crowded coffee aisle. I desperately need my  8 o’clock dark french roast coffee, but there is another lady looking at the coffee. So I politely move my cart out-of-the-way and patiently wait for her to make her selection. When all of a sudden this crazy elderly gentleman points his finger at me and SCREAMS “You, you over there, you, you need to move, you are in my way.”

I innocently look around and then it clicked, this fool is talking to me. “I am sorry sir, but I need to be over there, that is why I am waiting here.”

“That’s lovely, but I need where you are standing, move.”

and now I am at my limit.

“Sir, if you do not mind me saying so, you are old enough to be my grandfather, which tells me you should know what a simple please and thank you mean, all you had to say was excuse me Miss, may I get behind you.” I once again politely move my cart out-of-the-way, but not before the original coffee lady looked and me with a big ol smile and said “Good for you.”

Really? What is wrong with people?!?

And, it’s not over yet. After I make my two hundred-dollar grocery purchase, I head over to customer service to get a money order. This one tops the list.

Me~ Do you do money orders?

Cashier~ Yes we do.

Me~ Great, I need one for 1,032.94

Cashier~ You have to buy something first.

Me~ Yeah, I just did (shows her my receipt)

Cashier~ I mean you have to buy something here, ask for cash back, and then with the cash that is how I do the money order.

Me~ Are you freakin kidding me right now?

Cashier~ No mam, look, you can buy this 25 cent truffle and ask for cash back.

Long story short, I am now missing 100.00 because I think she charged me about five times too much.

After all of that, I finally come home with intent to relax, log onto Facebook and see a half naked picture of MY MOTHER!!

That was my day. I have to wonder if these people who I encountered today have a Facebook, what would their Facebook status be?

Miss Cupcake~ Getting ready to evict a tenant!

Greek Guy~ Black people drink Sprite, no caffeine.

Crazy Old Guy~ These young people now-a-days have  no manners.

Cashier~ I may have accidentally charged one of my customers one hundred dollars too much.

Mother~ How can I embarrass my children today?

Me~ Where the hell is my vodka?

So I almost died today.

~ Vodka Calling ~ Leave a comment

So I almost died today.

Here is the setting. I am standing outside my daughters school, waiting for my 9 yr old to come out. I am also playing on my phone, trying to “fix” the first ever “selfie” I took of myself while waiting in the car. It’s the important things you know.

The little kindergartners come out, and they are all looking at me with this wide eyed look. I figured they had a bad day in school. Then the teacher looks at me with the same wide eyed look and says “Jennifer, you need to get over here now.” So of course, I am freaked out. “Why? What? What’s going on?”

I turn around knowing there is not anyone behind me, because I am standing in front of a wall. Well, what do you think is looking back at me as I turn around?

A rat. Yes. The biggest, fattest rat I have ever seen is hanging on the wall right above my head!

I had no idea rats could even just sit and hang out on a wall?!?!

So of course I screamed, which sent a domino effect into motion. All the kids starting to scream, and run, and complete chaos. It was bad. Very very bad.

The poor kindergartners are probably going to have nightmares about killer rats, which will prompt their parents to call the school and ask WTH happened………and I will then be outed as the paranoid mom who scared all the children because I was thisclose to death with the rat almost attacking my head.

So I joined Pinterest and decided I need my own show.

~ Vodka Calling ~ Leave a comment

I joined Pinterest today. I know, I know, I am like four years behind. Let me explain.

I never had any interest in Pinterest for two very important reasons. The first being, everyone has always said Pinterest is so addicting. Well, if you have been following this blog for the past two days, you will know I am trying to write a book. I do not need any more “addicting” things to take away from any writing time I could be doing. Facebook and Vodka are plenty.

Secondly, I am the least crafty person you will ever meet. Honest. I failed third grade art class. I mean who does that? Well, I do. And….isn’t that what Pinterest is all about? Arts and crafts? No thank you.

So where was I? Oh yeah, I joined Pinterest today because Christmas is coming up and I need some ideas for gifts for teachers. So when I “googled” it brought me to Pinterest, and it kinda teased me. Like “Look at this cute and easy candy sleigh but you cannot see anymore till you join.”

I totally joined because that candy sleigh was the cutest thing I have seen, and it looks easy to make, and more importantly it looks cheap.

Except, now, the time I was going to use tonight to work on a sample chapter of “My book that will never see the light of day” I spent on Pinterest. I already have two boards. Not too sure what that means, but it looks good.

I already know I will not be able to write tomorrow because both The Husband and The Kids will be home, and getting anything done with them around is just not happening.

“Mom, I am bored”

“Mom, I am hungry”

“Babe, what do we have to eat?”

So yeah. I came to the conclusion that I just need my own show. Think about it, “A middle aged wife and mother who lives in the suburbs of Seattle, and refuses to believe she is middle aged is on a quest to write her book, her book that will never see the light of day. We will get to know her and her  crazy family along with her 8 cats as we watch all her attempts at writing go down the drain, just like her wedding ring did when her 7 year old was mad at her. Also, she has a habit of drinking vodka, but you will hardly notice that.”

I mean come on! it has possibilities don’t ya think?

Speaking of Vodka, it’s that time.

A post about nothing…

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I was all set to write a post about how I am slightly obsessed with the scale. Then I thought to myself, “Self, who really wants to read a post about my obsession with the scale?” So I deleted, then I called my sister.

My sister is a huge 49er fan, and the game is on now. They are winning, going into the half, so I figured it was okay to call her. Yeah. It was not okay to call her because she is recording the game to watch later when her husband comes home. Of course I figured this out after I told her “I figured it was safe to call since you guys are winning and it’s halftime.”

My NY GIANTS play today. They play Seattle. I live in Seattle. This should be good, and by good I mean not really. I already have the perfect Facebook status to post assuming my GIANTS will pull out a miracle and beat the Hawks, but come on, that is not likely to happen. As my dad said, “Parting the Red Sea would be an easier task.”

I should be cleaning instead of writing a post about nothing. Actually, I should finish with my Christmas decorations. Yes, I already started my Christmas decorations. It’s my favorite time of year that just flies by in the blink of an eye so why not enjoy it while I can?

The other day I read an article about writing. It said that “writers” should write every day. Even if you have nothing to say, write, write, write. That brings us to this post about nothing. Clearly, I have nothing of great importance to say. I am in the process of writing a book, and by “in the process” I mean, I have about two sentences down on paper. So I blog. Blogging about nothing. Lucky you dear reader.

Well, I will sign off now, and try to get some real work done.

Also, is it too early for Vodka?

Sisterly Strife

~ Vodka Calling ~ Leave a comment

Last night my youngest sister and I got into an argument, on Facebook of, all places.

I mean really? We are both grown adult women who should know better. Apparently we don’t.

This argument is still heavy on my shoulders this morning. I figured I would do what most people do when they are dealing with a conflict and blog about it. Don’t worry, no one reads my blog. I am good.

My sister is in a pretty new relationship. Last night on Facebook she posted the first “public” picture of her and her new boyfriend. I made the comment on how her boyfriend resembles our stepfather.

You would have thought I just accused him of bringing Ebola to the United States with the sole intention of infecting everyone.

Seriously, all I said was he looks like our stepdad. The same stepdad who she lives with by the way.

But the clincher for me was when she publicly called me out on Facebook, all for seeing a resemblance between her boyfriend and our stepdad. Again, it was not an insult.

My sisters ex is also on Facebook. This is the baby daddy of her only son. The Ex has an issue with paying child support. Go figure.

All I will say is if my sister put as much emotion toward her ex as she did with me last night, then perhaps she would have child support.

So, I vented. I feel slightly better. Things were still left unsaid, but I suppose in due time when emotions have calmed, we will move on.

All I am interested in right now is moving forward within myself. I have to. I am at that point in life where that is all I can do. Just keep moving ahead. Admit when I am wrong, stand my ground when I feel I am right, and take it day by day.

Also, Vodka never hurts.

Jacqueline Laurita just really annoys me.

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I have not written a public blog in quite some time. I have also never written about my reality t.v. shows. Quite honestly, you read one blog, you have read them all. However, that is about to change.

Jacqueline Laurita from The Real Housewives of New Jersey, just needs to go away. She needs to get off t.v, concentrate on her son who is autistic, put the blasted wine down, and for all that is holy stay off Twitter when drinking said wine.

When we were first introduced to Jacqueline about 6 seasons ago, she had the potential to be the most liked Housewife in the entire franchise. She was cute, fun, her story line in season 1 was one that many of us could relate to (miscarriages/trying to conceive.) She was actually enjoyable for a hot second.

Then, before we knew it, her obsession with wine and Twitter took over, and well….here we are. Last season Jacqueline decided not to return to the Housewives. Of course that most likely means Bravo did not ask her back. Her Twitter feed at the time was filled with how happy she is to be out of reality t.v, and how she has so many exciting things in the works, blah blah blah.

Well….as Eminem would say, Guess whose back?! Not only did she return to do a few fake scenes this season, she has also signed on to return next season. Why? Anyone who knows the history of the Manzos/Lauritas knows there is some family feud going on. At this point I am not even sure anyone cares about said family feud. Am I right?

I feel like Jacqueline is trying to do a Melissa/Teresa feud story line part 2. and because of that, it does not look like Dina will be returning next season.

Dina…..love her or hate her, you cannot deny the fact that she despises the drama. She is not one to take to Twitter while drunk on Pinot Grigio and post Tweet after Tweet about ridiculous random crap. That is Jacquelines job. Now, it seems as if Jacqueline has something to prove. “Oh yeah Dina, I will show you, I will come back to the show!”

Oy!

The funniest part. Just the other night, Jacqueline (while drunk on Twitter of course) told Andy “My husband just favorited my Tweet so you know it is true.” Okay, really???

First of all, just because someone, and in Jacquelines case her freakin husband “favorited” her Tweet, that does not make it gospel.

Secondly, I am sure it was Jacqueline just using her husbands phone.

Thirdly, no one cares. If a bunch of grown adults cannot work out their family issues privately, then why should we be invested?? Does she know how crazy she looks? Why is she even coming back? Does she have something to prove? Can anyone shed any insight on this??

Jacqueline, there is help out there if you need it. Take a break from t.v. concentrate on your son, your husband, your other children. Arent you guys suppose to be “downsizing”?

But, most importantly…..step aside and allow your husband and his sister to work out whatever it is they need to work out and keep it off Twitter. One day your boys will be able to read it all, is this the way you want them to see you?

The time when we went to Church’s (the chicken place, not the God place)

~ Vodka Calling ~ Leave a comment

So I am writing a book. Come to find out this whole book writing process is harder than I thought. It’s not like I have the luxury of having a ghost writer or anything. (Carole and Aviva from NY Housewives, I am talking to you.) For the entire month of July, I did not blog, because of this book that will most likely never see the light of day. Then, today I had writers block. Which brings me here.

Yesterday I had to take my 13 year old son, Vinnie, to the dentist. Even though Vinnie was so damn sure he had no cavities, and I quote, “My teeth are golden mom, I got this.” That was not the case. He had three cavities. The lovely dental assistant who looked as if she rather be anywhere else than here, called him back. Finally this was my time to relax. I figure I had a good 30 minutes or so to myself waiting in the waiting room. Thirty minutes turned into an hour and a half, and it was the best day ever. I was able to relax, do some reading, clean out my purse, without any interruptions. You know the kind. “Mom, I’m hungry.” “Mom, I’m bored.” “Mom, Gracie hit me.” “Mom, Sofia hit me.” “Hey, babe, do we have any cheese?” I was in heaven.

While cleaning out my purse I found a coupon for Church’s fried chicken. Being that we have never had their chicken, and I was too lazy to cook, I took this as a sign from above that dinner had just been decided upon.

Vinnie comes out, he can barely talk because the good ole Dentist had to numb him. Shout out to Dr. Chang. Holla! Vinnie kept touching his face, as if the more he pinched it, the sooner he would get feeling back. Sorry, son, it does not work that way! I explain to Vinnie how we just have to run and pick up chicken real quick. He was not amused. He mumbled something about not being able to eat for an hour or so. That’s fine, I will keep his plate warm. Here we come Church’s.

I studied my coupon. Ten pieces of chicken plus two sides for ten bucks. Vinnie and I both went up to the counter to place the order. I was probably a little too excited as I threw my coupon at the guy, while Vinnie and his numb face with drool coming out of his mouth could care less.

Imagine my horror when the manager said to me “I am sorry mam, coupon expired. No good.”

Now this is not my first rodeo. I have been down this road before with Pappa Johns. “On really now, well can you kindly point out the expiration date, because I seem to be missing it”

I am all proud, like take that manager guy. You are messing with the wrong girl today. I got this.

“Right here mam, you see, it says limited time only”

Well crap. So I tell manager guy to help the people behind me while me, Vinnie and his drool take a closer look at the menu.

The manager helps the three people behind us, while I study the menu, trying to figure out how to get the most for my money. Meanwhile, Vinnie is still wiping away his drool.

I finally made my decision, went up to the counter, told manager guy “Okay, this is what I want.” Manager guy looks at me, looks at Vinnie, looks back at me. “I am sorry mam, I did not understand your situation, we will honor coupon for you. I did not know, my apologies.”

Okay, what? What am I missing here? He did not know what, that we wanted chicken?

“I am sorry, but what?”

“Your son mam, your son, mouth is watering, when was the last time he ate? We honor your coupon and give you free side.”

Insert long pause here in order for my brain to compute everything.

“Oh…oh…..wait…..oh, you think he has not eaten? Oh my god, no no no, he just came from the dentist, his mouth is numb……Vinnie, tell him!”

So OF COURSE Vinnie is totally playing this up. “Ummmm, I did eat two days ago, that counts, right?”

Just kill me now. I even think manager guy had tears in his eyes. I allowed him to honor the coupon, but made sure to order additional food, so he did not think I was not feeding my kid.

Vinne and I gather our food order, knowing damn well we cannot show our faces in there again, and manager guy gives us some sounding last words.

“God bless mam, chicken make good leftover, no throw away.”

A Taste of Summer

~ Vodka Calling ~ 5 Comments

Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop

 

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Tuesday was the last day of school for my girls. I love watching all the school kids leave the building, so excited that it is the last day of school. A few of them have gifts for their teachers. Even the bus drivers excitedly honk their horn BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP as if saying “Have a great Summer, see ya in the fall!” I absolutely LOVE seeing the teachers give their students hugs while wishing them a safe and happy summer. Many of us parents have our own tradition, on the last day of school we take the kids out to eat. It’s an exciting time. Summer for children is almost magical. Staying up late, picnics and barbecues, going to the beach, park and even the zoo. Hot days spent at the ice cream shop, and you know for the kids, summer last an eternity. It is a time for me when I put away all the pictures and report cards that I have accumulated this school year and look ahead to the next. It’s almost a time for reflecting, at least to those of us that still have young kids…….and then when Monday comes around, I will be at the point where I will have lost my mind and will be anxiously counting down the days till school starts up again.

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What I learned last month

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“Talk about something you learned last month.”

This is the writing prompt I chose this week for Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop.

http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/2014/06/writing-prompts-06-10/

As soon as I saw the choices I had for the writing prompts, I knew this was the one I had to do.

The month of May is National Mobility Awareness Month. They had a contest going on for the entire month of May that was pretty much based on votes and your own “local hero” story. At the end of the month four winners were chosen. They each won a handicap accessible van.

My niece was in this contest and made it to the semi finals. When she was six years old, she was in a near fatal car accident that left her paralyzed.  Countless surgeries and 14 years later she decided to enter this contest with her number one goal being to hopefully win one of these vans so she would be able to start college. Her mom and dad are working class, living pay check to pay check like most of us. There is no room in the budget for a fifty thousand dollar van.

My niece made it to the semi finals, but did not win.

That is okay, it was not meant to be.

What I did learn was that big things can happen with so little. She had so many votes. Complete strangers were voting for her. She was on her local news and Chick-Fil-A opened their restaurant so their customers could vote after placing their order.

I learned so much last month. Most people really do care, and will do whatever they can to help. Even something as simple as voting. I believe that THAT was the lesson we were suppose to learn. THAT was the journey. It is not always about the destination, but how you get there that matters.

If anyone is interested is reading more, please go here

This is not me trying to get donations, just me trying to spread awareness.