You guys, this is going to be one of those blog posts that I am probably writing more for myself. I have so many things going on in my mind I need an outlet.

I need a job. We are two weeks out from the start of school, and I still do not have a job. I am kinda freaking out.

For those that don’t know, I am trying to get a job in the school district. Either as a Para, or Office Assistant. Rumor has it there is a Para shortage in the district, yet no matter how many jobs I have applied for (12) I still do not have one. In a few cases, I did not even make it past the application screening phase.

The plan was, in June, I would start applying for jobs. I took the Para test and actually passed. I was good to go, but something is just not clicking.

Maybe because all I have under my belt is three-year volunteer experience? It is depressing and worrisome. There is no Plan B. I was so confident I would have a job by now, and I don’t.

I honestly have no idea what to do. Every single day, I have my application open on my desktop, on the district website. I am constantly checking for new job postings, and I am just not getting anywhere.

I pray. I really do. I pray and ask for God’s guidance. I ask him to bring me the right job. I am just one of those people who does not know how to NOT worry. Know what I mean?

Seriously, I was up at 6:00 am ON A SUNDAY checking for new job postings. I am only allowed to apply for twelve jobs at once, and I am telling you I have applied for every single Para position as well as office positions.

I am getting scared. I am doubting myself. Perhaps I was overly confident?

I believe in God. I believe in having Faith, and I believe God sees the bigger picture. I know all this, but for some reason, I am still struggling. It is so hard for me to have blind faith. And then, I find myself asking myself, “Do I deserve this?”

I am an “okay” person. I have made a lot of mistakes, but have also asked for forgiveness. Are we always forgiven?

I feel like such a failure. I cannot even find a job. You guys, I cannot find a job in a district that HAS A SHORTAGE of the exact position I am applying for. One day I hope to laugh about this.

So, in closing, here is the thing…..

If you believe in God, I ask for your prayers. I humbly ask that you put me on whatever prayer request list you may have. My situation is a little different, I need a job in the school district so I have the same hours the kids do. Please, you have my permission to put it out there, I am openly praying and asking for God to bring me a job.

If you do not believe in God, I ask for your well wishes and good thoughts. Please send me whatever it is you have to offer.

If you are a potential employee who came across this blog post because, you know, social media, I ask that you give me a chance. I may not have the fancy credentials of what you are looking for, but I have hands-on experience. Give me a chance. I will beg if I have to, give me a chance, and a year from now, you will find yourself saying “hiring Mrs. Pedro was the best thing we have ever done!”

(See, there I go being overconfident again!)

Please, listen to this song. Beautiful perfection for those of us who do not feel so beautiful or perfect.