Full Circle Moments.

Interesting weekend at the Vodka Calling household.

As most of you know, we lost our beloved cat a week ago. It’s been an adjustment period, trying to find our new normal.

……

Friday, I decided I needed a haircut. If I had my way I would have gone Saturday, however, they were all booked. With the kids out of school on Friday, I decided why not? I confirmed my appointment online, and off I went.

It was not busy at all. Perhaps this whole Friday thing was working in my favor. Aside from myself, there were three other customers in there.

Immediately I was called back. As soon as my name was called, I grabbed my bag and then froze in my tracks. I was face to face with my arch nemesis from one year ago.

……

Backstory, because who does not want to read a good backstory?

In December of last year, Joe’s family planned a family reunion of sorts. This reunion took place December 28th, it was a pretty formal event at a local hotel. Because of the holidays, and because if you have not already figured it out, I am a huge procrastinator. Huge. This is why on the late morning of December 28th, I found myself in the hair salon getting a last minute haircut. The place was packed. I assume because of the holidays, being days away from New Year’s Eve, everyone wanted to look their best, including your’s truly over here.

Good thing I hade my appointment online, right? Yeah, right.

I was called back about twenty minutes after my scheduled time. Well, that’s okay. I am not a total bitch. These people were busy, delays happen. I get it.

Finally, my name is called. I explain to the stylist what I want, just a basic cut/trim. Nothing too fancy. I mean if I tried hard enough I am sure I could have found a DIY video on Youtube on how to cut my own hair. The stylist takes me to the sink and washed my hair. As soon as she is finished she says “I am going to give you a complimentary deep conditioner treatment.”

Great! Sounds good to me, right? Except I did not know that this complimentary deep conditioning treatment involved me sitting under a hair dryer for about thirty minutes. I was on a very tight schedule, as I still had to get the girls ready. Again, very formal event.

As soon as the stylist takes me over and puts me under the hair dryer, I immediately notice that she calls over a very attractive guy who was also waiting for a cut. Hmmm, did he already have an appointment? Even at this point, I was fine. I get it. Cute guy comes in, who would not jump on him? No pun intended.

My issues arise when not only did she wash, cut, and send him on his way, but she also picked up another customer, while I was still sitting under the damn hairdryer. Now I was annoyed. Once my stylist took her new customer over to wash her hair, I kinda hit my limit. I was now under the damn dryer for 45 minutes. At this point, the dryer had long turned itself off.

And, I am done. I pull the dryer off of my now dry hair that is oily from the conditioner, I stand up and grab the closest stylist I can find. “Yeah, I am out of here. I had an online appointment, and have been sitting in this chair for at least a good 45 minutes while your other stylist was too busy flirting with some guy.”

One of many biggest flaws, I react before thinking. But….I was pissed.

The stylist who I happened to grab was the owner.

My stylist who was still working on her second customer when I was the first one there, came over “I was not flirting, he had an appointment!”

“You were totally flirting and I had an appointment too, I can bring it up on my email!”

The owner diffused the situation by telling her stylist to go finish up with her customer and she would wash the conditioner out of my hair. I will say the owner demonstrated wonderful customer service, she was polite in a situation that may not have deserved her politeness. She apologized and told me if I have time to come back in fifteen minutes and she will give me a free haircut. At this point, I did not have the time. I tipped the owner and went home to get ready for this family reunion thing that Joe and I got suckered into going to.

……

So, now we are back to this past Friday. Anyone want to take any guesses on who my stylist was? Yep, that would be her. The one that kept me under a hair dryer for 45 minutes.

Well shit.

There we are. I recognize her. I know she recognizes me, I just know it. She had a look of both fear and annoyance in her eyes. We both paused for an awkward five seconds or so. In those five seconds, I ran over my options. I could refuse her services, or, I could try to exhibit grace and be the bigger person.

Believe it or not, I chose to be the bigger person.

I know right? Kinda surprised myself with that one.

In those quick five seconds, we are totally feeling each other out. I mean for all I know, she may have been thinking of ways to pawn me off on one her fellow stylist.

What happened was, she asked me what I was looking to have done (cut, color, etc.) She gave me some options. Nothing was mentioned of the past, we just concentrated on the present.

While she was cutting my hair, I learned that she has a five-year-old little boy, her mother teaches in the school district I am trying to work at, she would be flying to Alaska on Saturday, and she is a pretty bad ass stylist.

She gave me exactly what I wanted. It’s like she spoke a secret language or something.

Stylist~ I am going to cut your hair so it is versatile, you can part it any way you want and everything will blend nicely, but for today, how would you like your part?”

Me~ (Using my hands) Oh you know, I want this piece to go this way and the other piece to go that way.

Somehow, she understood everything I meant.

I ended up leaving the hair salon with her card, her phone number, and specific instructions on how to style my hair. I feel she went above and beyond, especially considering our encounter a year ago, and I feel I left her a good tip, because, looking back, I may have been rude, or jumped to conclusions.

It was definitely a full circle moment. Until I came home that is.

I walk in the door, totally rocking my new cut. I mean, maybe, on closer look, it would remind you of Rachel’s famous haircut from “Friends” but only the cool people would notice that. (and by “cool” I mean my generation)

I am inside, doing exaggerated movements with my hair. It’s just so silky and shiny and soft anyone can just run their fingers through it.

Vinnie~ Where were you? I thought you were getting a haircut.

Idiot.

……

Many of you will say that what I am about to write next is too personal to share here on the blog. Many of you would be right. However, one of the goals that Christin and have for this blog, is we want to tell our whole truth. No matter how messy it may be, we want to share it with whoever is willing to read, and perhaps relate. It’s a very fine line at times, as I am wanting to write about the messy parts, yet I have to be mindful of the other people I write about. I am going to try to keep both in perspective.

Joe and I had an argument this weekend. One of those arguments where we both were holding too much inside and the littlest thing made us both explode. Explode in the sense that neither one of us did a good job at articulating what the core issue was. I would like to think a pretty common theme in some marriages, however going by my Facebook feed where all couples are kissy kissy “You are so beautiful” while sitting next to their spouse on the sofa watching Fixer Upper, perhaps it is just Joe and me?

It was not one of our finer moments.

“You don’t spend time with me!”
“You don’t take the initiative!”
“I take the initiative in everything else, what more do you want?”
“We need to do better.”
“We need to do something.”

You get the gist.

Saturday morning I woke up and I was able to see that the argument carried over from the night before. I know this because Joe would not talk to me.

“I am going to pick up dinner, do you want anything special?”
“Nope!”
“Okay is this how we are going to do this?”
“We cannot just wake up and everything is okay!”
“We have been having the same argument for months!”

Once again, it escalated.

There was yelling.

I told myself I was not going to do this. I will not allow my kids to see any argument that results in yelling. It will not happen.

I took the girls and I left.

I did not say a word, I just packed them up in the car and left.

“Mom, what is going on with you and Dad?”

As I am driving, I am trying to hold it all together, and truth be known, I did a pretty damn good job.

“Sometimes mom’s and dad’s disagree, and sometimes they just need to take a timeout. This is a good thing because it gives both the mom and dad a chance to take some time and think.”

Sofia got it. “Oh, like how I always want to punch Christopher in the face but I need to think about my actions?”

Yes, that is exactly it.

I took the girls to Walmart, because, why not? I bought a Roku box,  believe it or not one of the issues between Joe and me is we always fall asleep in the living room because that is where the working tv is. With the Roku box, I would be able to hook it up to our nonworking tv in the bedroom and that would be our space to watch our own shows.

The girls and I made our way to the electronics department. I went up to the salesperson and told him exactly what I needed. He was wonderful, showed me exactly what it was that I needed for my specific t.v.

After that relatively cheap purchase (sidenote, if you are trying to cut cable, get the Roku Box) the girls and I made our way to the limited book section in Walmart. I knew exactly what it was I was looking for.

“The Love Dare.” This is a wonderful book based on the wonderful Christian based film “Fireproof.” Over the course of my eleven-year marriage, this book has become my bible to my marriage. When Joe and I are in a rut, when we are struggling, when we are so close to the end of the road, I break out “The Love Dare” and start the forty day journey. It’s not easy, but, it works.

Every day, for forty days you are given a small task.

“Do not say anything negative to your partner.”
“Do something unexpected for your partner.”
“Spend time in prayer for your partner.”

I cannot adequately explain how much I feel this book is important to a marriage. My words will not mean anything though unless you watch the movie.

Surprisingly, I found exactly what I needed. “The Love Dare” was sitting there on the shelf, the only copy left, calling my name. I snatched it up, while the girls were rushing me to go get something to eat.

I left the store with the Roku Box and “The Love Dare” in hand. I had two hungry girls who needed food. Off we went to pick up teriyaki at some new place.

We came home, Joe and I did not say a word to each other.

I fed the girls, told Joe and Vinnie their food was on the counter whenever they were ready to eat, and I started reading. I needed the reminder of how marriage is not always easy. I needed the reminder that we all have to put work into it.

Joe and I went to sleep without saying a word to each other.

Sunday morning, he wakes up at 3am and leaves for work. I sleep a few more hours, wake up, make a large pot of coffee and get to work setting up my new Roku Box.

I cannot explain to you guys how empowered I felt. I mean on one hand my husband and I were not even talking to each other, but on the other hand, I made sure my kids did not hear any negativity. I made sure I took them out of a situation that may have made them sad to hear their mom and dad fighting.

At the store, I hope I was able to show them that yes, mom’s and dad’s will fight, but you can get your power back by taking control, and that is exactly what we are doing. I am not doing this so I can have an “I told you so moment” I am doing this because I am going to fight for something that I believe in, and if buying a Roku Box and a book helps, then you bet your ass that is what I will do, while teaching my girls to take the initiative while not allowing yourself to lay down.

It took me an hour to set up the Roku Box. I called AJ every fifteen minutes, making sure I was doing everything right. But you know what….I did it.

As I am putting the final touches on the new Roku Box, I realized that it has its own channel that offers free movies. I am now pretty excited and any problems in my marriage are the last thing on my mind because I feel this was the best forty-five dollars I have ever spent.

I start to look through the free movies that are offered.

The very first movie I saw, the very first movie that came up

“Fireproof.”

and there you go, another full circle moment.

fullcircle

 

 

 

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