The carpool line, also known as the bane of my existence.

Gracie’s school has got to have the worst system ever for drop-off. Now, she is in middle-school so perhaps that has something to do with it, but not much.

Here is how it usually works. Kids and I leave the apartment at 7:35.
We get to Gracie’s school at 7:45.
The school bell rings at 7:55.
We spend at minimum 10 minutes in the godforsaken carpool line.

This is not normal.

Every night, right around 7pm I get the automated call.

“This call is to inform you that Gracie Pedro was tardy to class on (insert date.)”

At 7:05pm is usually when I write an email.

“To Whom it May Concern:
This email is to inform you that Gracie Pedro was not tardy to class, we were stuck in the carpool line.”

Every single day.
Every single night.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking. “Well, just leave the apartment earlier.”

To which I would say, Oh wise one, with me having three kids that I need to get to three different schools, it is just not possible, but thanks for the suggestion.

The carpool line is much like any carpool line. A big ole loop. You enter on one side, make the loop and exit on the other. Pretty simple, right?

Here is where things get “tricky.”

On the side where you enter the parking lot (carpool line), you have cars coming from two different directions. Because adults do not know how to take turns, everyone is always fighting to get into the godforsaken carpool line before the other.

Now, let me give you a visual. This particular school is set about half a mile from the carpool line. So, you drop your kid off and they make the walk. No big deal.

We have two places we can potentially drop our kid off. Area one is about halfway through the loop. The drop off area is a nice cemented piece of land, where the kids can follow the sidewalk to the front entrance. For some reason, the wannabe cop/traffic patrol guy does not want us to drop the kids off in THAT area, instead, wannabe cop wants us to pull all the way forward and drop the kids off at the muddy, rocky, makeshift pathway way that is just about at the end of the carpool line.

Fine. I am a rule follower so I will drop Gracie off where you ask me to. On a side note, this is also good for her. It gives her some independence. At the start of the school year, I would park my car and walk her to the crosswalk. Dropping her off is a win-win for both Gracie and me. Assuming things ran smoothly, which they never do.

The other day I was behind what I consider to be a special kind of parent. She drops her kids off wherever she sees fit, pops open her trunk, her girls then take their sweet ass time grabbing their backpacks, and musical instruments.

I was parked behind this special kind of parent. Her kids were grabbing their belongings from the trunk when wanna be cop comes over to my car with his flashlight in hand and motions for me to pull forward. “Dude, where exactly is it you want me to pull forward to? The woman’s front seat?!”

I seriously can’t.

Now, let us talk about the people who are directing traffic. And by “directing traffic” I mean a cluster fuck of events. My cat could do a better job.

I have no idea what their rhyme or reason is because they clearly have none. These fools will let traffic get backed up in every direction.

I have seen the Vice Principal out there directing traffic and I already have beef with him. If it were not for the fact that homeboy decided to take a nap during Gracie’s IEP meeting, perhaps things would be different, but, he is now on my list.

I have seen the principal out there directing traffic. This woman is drop-dead gorgeous. However, directing traffic in the pouring rain while wearing stilettos with an oversized umbrella perfectly in place, making sure not to ruin her freshly styled hair, well, I don’t know, let’s just say it is a sight to see.

Today, I had hit my limit. I was in a take no prisoners mode when traffic was, even more, backed up than usual.

I am sitting there, at a dead stop, watching the minutes tick by on the clock. I know the bell is going to ring, I know once again I will get the “Gracie Pedro was tardy to class” phone call.

Nope, I was not going to have it!

“Sofia, hand me my phone!”

Sofia gives me my phone, I punched in the numbers to Gracie’s school.

A way too chipper person answers.

“Thank you for calling Lakota, how may I help you today?”

“Hello, this is Jennifer Pedro, I am Gracie’s mom.”

I may have heard a sigh on the other end of the line, but do not quote me on that.

“How can I help you?”

“So here’s the thing. I am stuck in your carpool line. If you look out your office window, I will wave to you from my car. It may be hard to spot me because there are about ten cars in front of me and ten more cars behind me, but we are here, we are on time, the thing is, no one knows how to direct traffic, so I have no idea when Gracie will actually make it inside school, but I can send you a picture if need be. Now, I already know you guys are going to mark her tardy, because, that has happened every single day thus far. However, we are here, and I do not think Gracie should be given a tardy when, and forgive my bluntness, you have idiots directing traffic. So, are we good?”

There it is, this time I clearly heard the sigh.

“Okay Mrs. Pedro, I will make a note.”

Yeah right. She will make a note much, in the same way, I will make a note to go to the gym.

So, are we even surprised that at 7pm, just like clockwork I get the call.

“This call is to inform you that Gracie Pedro was tardy to class.”

Oh hell no! Get me my laptop because game on!

Also, it’s probably safe to say this is one school that I will most likely be banned from.