So my cat tried to accidentally kill me.

If I did not know better I would think I was pregnant. I am so tired, have absolutely no energy, and weird smells are getting to me. Joe had a glass of wine. I was able to smell it from across the room. It took everything I had in me to not go over, take the glass of wine and throw it away, or on him, depending on my mood.

That’s another thing, I have been soooooo moody. Every little thing sets me off.

Joe ~ “Anything new going on?”

Me ~ “I am just so tired.”

Joe ~ “We are all tired, you are a writer, think of something else to say other than you are tired.”

Me ~ (Thinking to myself) @*#$ you! Do not ask me a question of you do not like my response!

Me ~ (What I really said) What great advice! (Then I proceeded to sing Heart of Gold in my head while he went on and on and on and on about work stuff.

I know it is me. Well, a little bit of him too, because REALLY? What kind of response is that, but mainly me. It’s like I have no patience.


Today, I had to pick up Sofia early because Gracie had an appointment. Sofia and I are sitting in the foyer at Gracie’s school, waiting for Gracie. All of a sudden the entire Band Club comes through the doors playing their instruments. There was a tuba, flutes, violins, drums, and you know what? Everyone was playing a different song! I was annoyed, I wanted to tell them to shut up already, we are inside and in about five minutes I am going to have a kid that will come through those same doors who has sensory issues and she will not hold back.

There was a time where I would have maybe requested a song (Top of the World) instead of sitting there with a chip on my shoulder.

I am telling you, if it were not for two very important things, I would think I was pregnant.

  1. My tubes are tied.
  2. You know that “one” thing that needs to happen in order for someone to get pregnant, well, that has not been happening.

I do have a theory though. I believe my cat tried to accidentally kill me and now I possibly have some weird cat disease.

Allow me to explain.

Last night I had to grab my phone charger. My phone charger fell between the wall and my sofa. I reached my arm in between the very narrow space that separates the wall from my sofa, and then my arm got stuck. Of course it did.

I am trying to wiggle myself free, without waking up Joe who is asleep on the sofa. I mean can you imagine if I had to wake him up because my arm was stuck? I would never hear the end of it.

One of my cats thought she would try to help. She comes over, looks at me, looks at my arm, and may have rolled her eyes. It is at the very moment where I lost my balance and slipped, I screamed, my cat “hissed” and then fell on my arm, puncturing a vein. All the while Joe is still asleep.

Blood comes shooting out of my vein. I have never seen anything like it before. My Doctors have always told me I have beautiful veins, never an issue finding them….unless apparently you are my cat. She did something, her claw hit my vein the wrong way which left my sofa looking like a scene right out of “Goodfella’s”

There is blood all over my shirt, I am pretty much bleeding to death, with my arm still stuck behind the blasted sofa and Joe is snoring away.

This is why I think my cat somehow poisoned me and I probably have cat scratch fever, or whatever weird cat disease is out there. Because of my cat, this is why I have been so tired, so moody, so “give me chocolate I need it now!”

I suppose time will tell, or perhaps I may need to go see my doctor. Speaking of, that is another issue completely! My beloved gynecologist, the one I go to for everything, the one who looks the other way when I schedule a visit because I want information on Botox. My beloved gyneocologist who was willing to sit down and talk to Gracie about how much it sucks to be a girl sometimes, my beloved gyneocologist who will allow me to come see her for a runny nose, or vitamins. I love this Doctor and now she is leaving her practice because she had a baby. Ugh! Seriously?

Now I have to find a new gynecologist who will see me for some weird cat disease…..that is if I make it that long.




One thought on “So my cat tried to accidentally kill me.

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