First, I just want to tell you how lucky you are. He’s an amazing man. Don’t ever take his kindness or giving heart for granted.

Because I did.

And I regret it every day of my life. Everyday.

You see, there was a time before you, that he would have moved mountains for me. He actually did. He met me at a time where I was alone, both figuratively and literally. He gave me hope that all guys aren’t the same. He treated me with an unconditional respect and love.

And I loved him.

I still love him. Love doesn’t go away with time or circumstance. Mine didn’t at least. I’ve tried to wish it away, wash it away, forget it away— it’s still here.

Fortunately for you and unfortunately for me, I was too young to see the big picture. I thought there were a million just like him. Many years later, I still look for him in anybody, everybody. I still haven’t found him.

He’s irreplaceable. One of a kind.

You are the lucky one. You have the life I was supposed to have. The man I was supposed to marry.

You get to wake-up every morning and see his beautiful face. You get to rely on him during bad times and celebrate with him during the good times.

But it’s the times in between the good and the bad that I envy. Everyday moments like sitting on the couch together or cooking side by side—those mundane times are what I miss. I still miss him—your husband.

I know it’s not right. I swear I’ve tried to not miss him, think about him or love him.

But sometimes it’s not that easy. Love isn’t black and white. You can’t just shut it off when it’s no longer convenient.

But here’s the good news.

He loves you. He wouldn’t have married you if he didn’t. He wouldn’t have made a life with you if he didn’t.

You got more than I did. More moments, more future plans, more everything. All I got was a ring and a few years and a lot of promises.  Promises that never came to fruition because of me.

I guess that’s my payback for leaving him.

Yes, I left him. Not on purpose but in the middle of following my own dreams, he got left behind.

I didn’t mean to.

But I guess that’s where you came and picked up his broken pieces and glued them back together for him.

Thank- you for that. He deserves to be happy. I hope you do that for him.

I would be lying to you if I didn’t secretly hope that one day him and I have another chance. A second, real chance at love.

It’s not that I’m wishing anything bad for you. But I know life always takes turns that can’t be foreseen…

You don’t have to worry.

I’m not a homewrecker, mistress or side chick—

I’m not going to call him, message him or stop by your house. I believe that karma has a way of coming back around and I don’t need that.

It still doesn’t change how I feel about, think about, or love him, though.

And I just thought you should know.

-Christin