Epic Wife Fail #246

The husband had just come home from burying his family dog. A dog that weighed at least 150pounds. The husband needed a much needed shower, and possibly a drink.

After his shower, it was my turn to go get ready, hair, makeup, you know the routine.

While I was in the bathroom, minding my own business, trying every attempt imaginable to get my makeup to make me look younger, I innocently noticed my husbands wallet sitting on the edge of the counter.

I do not remember the order of the next few events but it went something like this.

1. “Somehow” the wallet fell off the counter.
2. I scrambled to pick up all of its contents as fast as I could
3. One of the items in the wallet stuck out at me.
4. I possibly had a mini breakdown.

My husband works in a job where he works closely with vendors, think Frito Lay, Coke, Pepsi, that one popular bread company. Mainly food and beverage vendors.

He does not work with any vendors who deal with “Deep Massage”

and this is where the mini breakdown may have come into play.

This particular “business card” was for Deep Massage by Tracy.


Now, since I am the type of person who never thinks logically under stress, I had all types of scenarios going through my mind, and most of them are x-rated.

But…I trust my husband. I knew there had to be some logical explanation on why he had a business card from Tracy that offers Deep Massage.

I just had to figure out what it was.

I quickly finish up my makeup, thinking of the best way to approach this. I mean he just buried his dog, it’s not like I can come storming out of the bathroom ready for a show down.

Well, I guess I could.

Because no matter how much I tried to tell myself I was over reacting, there was no good reason in my mind why he would have a “Deep Massage” card from “Tracy” in his wallet.

So, in pure Jen form, I leave the bathroom ready for a confrontation.

I know, I know.

My husband is sitting on the sofa playing the stupid x-box (there’s something new, right?)

“Yeah, so do you want to tell me why you have a card in your wallet from some female that is offering a deep massage?!?!?

He starts laughing!! I thought maybe he would try to play dumb like “I have no idea what you are talking about” or the ever popular “Oh that is so old, I have had that in there since before you and I met”. Anything would have been better than laughing, because laughter tells me he knows exactly what I am talking about.

“What’s so funny? Your laughing, you’re seriously laughing right now, your wife just found a deep massage card in your wallet from a female and your laughing….and still playing the x-box!”

He finally gets a clue and turns off the game.

“No no, it’s not like that, Tracy is a guy”

“Yeah, how dumb do you think I am, there is a web site on here, I will go check it out now”

“I hope you do, I used to work with Tracy at the old store and when he left the store he gave me his side business card to contact him if the new store ever decides to hire him….I am sorry, I should have told you about that…plus…Tracy is a guys name”

Now I am not sure if I should feel relieved or dumb. I am thinking the latter.

“Tracy is not a guys name, it is a girls name”

Yes, I am well aware that Tracy can be both a guy and girls name, but right now it is more important for me to save whatever kind of dignity I may have left.

My husband, is still laughing for some dumb reason.

So, in my best hissy fit mode, I dramatically get on the computer and type in the web address that is on the card.



Well, Okay, Tracy is indeed a male


it also seems that Tracy is gay.

I look at my husband, who is STILL laughing, I look back at the computer screen

“Okay, so now do I need to worry that you may be switching teams on me?”

Yeah, I just do not know how to stop.

4 thoughts on “Epic Wife Fail #246

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