I may be hitting my burn out.
Between Gracie and her seizures, trying to find a way to keep the seizures at bay…… having to move yet not really knowing where it is we will be moving to…….then apparently Sofia is going through a very difficult time. Her hair is not curly, and in the life of a 10-year-old, I guess this is some pretty serious stuff.
Vinnie believes he was put on this earth to drive me to an early grave, AJ lost three dollars in his hourly pay, Joe spends his days working, and coming home to “unwind.” His definition of “unwinding” is watching videos of President Trump. Clearly, I am living in the Twilight Zone.
I had to run some errands today. Joe was home, and needed to jump in the shower. I asked him “Do you want me to leave now, or wait until you finish your shower.”
“Jen, wait until I get out, what if Gracie has a seizure?”
This is my life now. Everything is based around “What if Gracie has a seizure?”
We have to make sure someone is with her at all times. We have to make sure that someone knows how to give her the recovery meds if she has a seizure. Damn it is hard.
I am still hurt by some family members. I do not want to rehash it all, but when everyone else is invited to a birthday party for my sibling, and no one saw fit to tell me, to invite me, well that kinda hurts….and yet I am in the wrong, I am the one who needs to “Let it go.” I get it though…..in a sense, I have always been the black sheep. Sometimes I have felt family only interact with me because they feel they “have” to……but as soon as I say something they do not approve of, it is so easy to write me off. And I am okay with that…….this is not a “Poor Jen” post, I am fine, I will be fine. It’s just sometimes I need to let it all out, and well, that is what this blog is for.
I just need a day. One day. One day where I can regroup for me. One day to myself. One day where I know the kids are taken care of. One day where I can just drive around blaring my music, looking at the water front. Not having a destination in mind. One day to clear my mind and come up with a game plan on how we are going to make this happen. One day to hit up Starbucks and not be on a time limit. One day to visit friends and catch up on myself. Just one day.
We had visitors today.
“Jen, this is how you pack. You get the boxes, get them from the school. Do not go drive back and forth, have them all here. Then you open the box and tape it up…….you put a box in every room and you start putting everything you want to save in a box. Then you close it up and you put it off to the side. This is how you pack.”
Well that is genius. Why did I never think of that?!?!
One Day……Just One Day.