“Yeah, I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it’s everybody’s sin
You got to lose to know how to win”
T leaving me the way he did broke me down. I had no money. The little bit of material things I owned were ruined, along with my self-worth.
Any normal person would be out celebrating. Not me. I could not function. Every little thing was a reminder. Whether it be a song on the radio, a movie, even going to work. It was all a reminder.
A reminder to me that I was not good enough. A reminder to me that I allowed someone to physically abuse me, and in the end I was not even strong enough to leave. He left me.
A reminder to me that I do not have that “strong woman success story.” He left me, for reasons that I will never know, and that hurts.
Everybody was always leaving, and I never knew why.
My friends and co-workers were ecstatic. I had my managers come up and congratulate me when the news got out that we broke up. The person he cheated on me with even told me “yeah, he was no good for you.”
I am so glad I had this skank to tell me he was no good for me. That just made my day.
As the days and weeks went on, I decided to call his mother. The same woman who would call him to come over to change a light bulb. The same woman who never thought I was good enough for her son because I was a “white girl.” She was about as helpful as a rock. I could hear in her voice the happiness she felt in between her pathetic lies. “Oh,my son at youth camp.”
Bullshit. If there was one thing her son taught me was how to spot a liar.
She was no help, and deep inside I knew she would not be. I was just grasping, grasping for any reason, for any glimpse of hope that it was not me.
I pushed through days. Hoping that very soon I would wake up one morning and not question myself, or blame myself.
Then, on the day I least expected,
I woke up.
“Sing with me just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away”