Month: November 2014

So I almost died today.

~ Vodka Calling ~ Leave a comment

So I almost died today.

Here is the setting. I am standing outside my daughters school, waiting for my 9 yr old to come out. I am also playing on my phone, trying to “fix” the first ever “selfie” I took of myself while waiting in the car. It’s the important things you know.

The little kindergartners come out, and they are all looking at me with this wide eyed look. I figured they had a bad day in school. Then the teacher looks at me with the same wide eyed look and says “Jennifer, you need to get over here now.” So of course, I am freaked out. “Why? What? What’s going on?”

I turn around knowing there is not anyone behind me, because I am standing in front of a wall. Well, what do you think is looking back at me as I turn around?

A rat. Yes. The biggest, fattest rat I have ever seen is hanging on the wall right above my head!

I had no idea rats could even just sit and hang out on a wall?!?!

So of course I screamed, which sent a domino effect into motion. All the kids starting to scream, and run, and complete chaos. It was bad. Very very bad.

The poor kindergartners are probably going to have nightmares about killer rats, which will prompt their parents to call the school and ask WTH happened………and I will then be outed as the paranoid mom who scared all the children because I was thisclose to death with the rat almost attacking my head.

So I joined Pinterest and decided I need my own show.

~ Vodka Calling ~ Leave a comment

I joined Pinterest today. I know, I know, I am like four years behind. Let me explain.

I never had any interest in Pinterest for two very important reasons. The first being, everyone has always said Pinterest is so addicting. Well, if you have been following this blog for the past two days, you will know I am trying to write a book. I do not need any more “addicting” things to take away from any writing time I could be doing. Facebook and Vodka are plenty.

Secondly, I am the least crafty person you will ever meet. Honest. I failed third grade art class. I mean who does that? Well, I do. And….isn’t that what Pinterest is all about? Arts and crafts? No thank you.

So where was I? Oh yeah, I joined Pinterest today because Christmas is coming up and I need some ideas for gifts for teachers. So when I “googled” it brought me to Pinterest, and it kinda teased me. Like “Look at this cute and easy candy sleigh but you cannot see anymore till you join.”

I totally joined because that candy sleigh was the cutest thing I have seen, and it looks easy to make, and more importantly it looks cheap.

Except, now, the time I was going to use tonight to work on a sample chapter of “My book that will never see the light of day” I spent on Pinterest. I already have two boards. Not too sure what that means, but it looks good.

I already know I will not be able to write tomorrow because both The Husband and The Kids will be home, and getting anything done with them around is just not happening.

“Mom, I am bored”

“Mom, I am hungry”

“Babe, what do we have to eat?”

So yeah. I came to the conclusion that I just need my own show. Think about it, “A middle aged wife and mother who lives in the suburbs of Seattle, and refuses to believe she is middle aged is on a quest to write her book, her book that will never see the light of day. We will get to know her and her  crazy family along with her 8 cats as we watch all her attempts at writing go down the drain, just like her wedding ring did when her 7 year old was mad at her. Also, she has a habit of drinking vodka, but you will hardly notice that.”

I mean come on! it has possibilities don’t ya think?

Speaking of Vodka, it’s that time.

A post about nothing…

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I was all set to write a post about how I am slightly obsessed with the scale. Then I thought to myself, “Self, who really wants to read a post about my obsession with the scale?” So I deleted, then I called my sister.

My sister is a huge 49er fan, and the game is on now. They are winning, going into the half, so I figured it was okay to call her. Yeah. It was not okay to call her because she is recording the game to watch later when her husband comes home. Of course I figured this out after I told her “I figured it was safe to call since you guys are winning and it’s halftime.”

My NY GIANTS play today. They play Seattle. I live in Seattle. This should be good, and by good I mean not really. I already have the perfect Facebook status to post assuming my GIANTS will pull out a miracle and beat the Hawks, but come on, that is not likely to happen. As my dad said, “Parting the Red Sea would be an easier task.”

I should be cleaning instead of writing a post about nothing. Actually, I should finish with my Christmas decorations. Yes, I already started my Christmas decorations. It’s my favorite time of year that just flies by in the blink of an eye so why not enjoy it while I can?

The other day I read an article about writing. It said that “writers” should write every day. Even if you have nothing to say, write, write, write. That brings us to this post about nothing. Clearly, I have nothing of great importance to say. I am in the process of writing a book, and by “in the process” I mean, I have about two sentences down on paper. So I blog. Blogging about nothing. Lucky you dear reader.

Well, I will sign off now, and try to get some real work done.

Also, is it too early for Vodka?

Sisterly Strife

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Last night my youngest sister and I got into an argument, on Facebook of, all places.

I mean really? We are both grown adult women who should know better. Apparently we don’t.

This argument is still heavy on my shoulders this morning. I figured I would do what most people do when they are dealing with a conflict and blog about it. Don’t worry, no one reads my blog. I am good.

My sister is in a pretty new relationship. Last night on Facebook she posted the first “public” picture of her and her new boyfriend. I made the comment on how her boyfriend resembles our stepfather.

You would have thought I just accused him of bringing Ebola to the United States with the sole intention of infecting everyone.

Seriously, all I said was he looks like our stepdad. The same stepdad who she lives with by the way.

But the clincher for me was when she publicly called me out on Facebook, all for seeing a resemblance between her boyfriend and our stepdad. Again, it was not an insult.

My sisters ex is also on Facebook. This is the baby daddy of her only son. The Ex has an issue with paying child support. Go figure.

All I will say is if my sister put as much emotion toward her ex as she did with me last night, then perhaps she would have child support.

So, I vented. I feel slightly better. Things were still left unsaid, but I suppose in due time when emotions have calmed, we will move on.

All I am interested in right now is moving forward within myself. I have to. I am at that point in life where that is all I can do. Just keep moving ahead. Admit when I am wrong, stand my ground when I feel I am right, and take it day by day.

Also, Vodka never hurts.