Some of my friends and family on Facebook think I “over share” information. I do not think I do, Well, okay, maybe I do just a little, but trust me, I hold back a lot. This post right here may be one of those post that is considered “over sharing”, and that’s my disclaimer.
I had a doctors appointment today. One of those appointments where I am like “Whoa, you are now in my personal space” but the Doctors prefer to call it a “cervical biopsy.” Except, I did not know I was having a cervical biopsy today. I mean if I had known I was having a cervical biopsy I would have posted about it on Facebook last night “So am getting a cervical biopsy tomorrow, send prayers.” and then probably make some joke that I think is funny but no one else does.
I wrongly assumed my appointment today was just suppose to be what I “thought” was a follow up checkup to my abnormal pap smear results. Boy was I wrong.
When the very nice nurse took me into a room three times larger than the size I had my pap in, I knew something was up. When I saw three weird looking machines that I had never seen before, I knew something was up. Plus, I watch Greys Anatomy. I like to think I am schooled in this whole Dr/Patient thing.
As soon as I walked into the room I said to the very nice nurse “Okay, this is the big room, what’s going on?”
After she tried a little too hard to hold back a laugh, she explained to me what was going on. My pap came back abnormal. Dr wants to take a closer look at my cervic, but look, there is a camera and you can see the whole thing if you want to.
Are you freaking kidding me? Of course I do not want to see my cervix!
She explains to me “the procedure.” How the Dr is going to scrape the inside of my cervix.
The good news was I only had to take off my bottoms, I was allowed to keep my shirt on, This seriously made me happy,
As the very nice nurse is leaving the room so I can undress (Just from the bottom down!) She leaves me with a piece of paper. Except, she did not call it a piece of paper, she called it a “cover up.”
Is she high??
What exactly does she think this is going to cover up??
As she is closing the “curtain” which is more like a sheet, I grab my purse and pull out my slipper socks. The nurse asked me “Are those your special socks? That is so cute, you brought your special socks”
I did not have the heart to tell her that my slipper socks were leftover from last time I was here. (Makes mental note to clean out purse)
Last time I was here, which was about a month ago, I brought my own socks to wear. On that particular day I was wearing tights and did not want to be barefoot in the stirrups, so I brought socks…..these socks never left my purse……apparently.
I am sitting there in all my glory, waist down, with a sheet of paper on me for FOURTY FIVE minutes, because my Dr is running late.
It’s all good, I mean she was held up at the hospital, So I get it, even though I was bored out of my freaking mind……and cold. In hindsight, I should have taken pictures. How funny and uncomfortable would that have been, but there was a big, NO CELL PHONES ALLOUD sign, and well, I am a stickler for rules.
Dr. finally comes in, and explains how she is going to scrape some cells. I ask her if it will hurt, she says “Yes.”
Gotta appreciate the honesty.
I am laying there, letting the Dr do her thing while I am trying hard to relax. I silently start to sing the Eminem song “Monsters” in my head.
Everything was going good until the nurse started to clap. Yes, you read that right, she started to clap.
“Look, there it is. Take a look, that’s your cervix”
I mean you would have thought she was looking at an adorable puppy in a pet store window by how excited she was.
So I did it, I turned my head to look. And there it was, on the screen my cervix.
I wanted to throw up. Seriously, Gross!
“Oh my god, that’s inside me?!?!”
and then the Dr instructed the nurse to turn the screen away from me.
After all that, the Dr was pleased with what she saw. “Your cervix looks great” I do not know what that means, because what I saw on the screen was anything but great, but whatever. She went to med school, so I assume she knows what she is talking about.
Now it is just a waiting game to get the results back. I am so good at waiting……..not.
I mean since I have been home I have googled “cervical cancer” god knows how may times.
Anyway, ,the moral of this way too much info story, is….ladies…..be proactive. Get your paps regularly, It sucks, It is uncomfortable, but it also could save your life.
So yeah, I kinda do overshare. But, if this post reminds one person “Oh, I need to have my yearly done” then I am okay with that.
Good news is, I have to go back in six months…..and believe you me, I will post pics.