The other day I was doing some work on the computer, and by work I mean blogging and facebook. You bloggers back me up here. Blogging is work, you have to find time to write your post, make connections all while trying keep up w/ house, kids, spouses, etc. It’s work I tell ya!!!

Facebook, not so much, but it’s fun so whatever.

I am doing work on the computer when Vinnie (the infamous 11 yr old) ask if I have any gum.

“It’s in my purse, give me a second and I will get it for you”

Yeah, right.

“No mom, it’s fine, I will get it, see your purse is right here.”

Why do I even bother wasting my breath anymore?

My back is towards him as I am typing away. I can here him empty the contents of my purse all over the floor while trying to find a piece of gum.

“Hey Mom, what’s this?”

There he is. Holding one of my perfectly folded maxi pads, in the cool neon colors, that I keep in my secret compartment of my purse for those unexpected surprises.

“It’s for my period Vinnie, put it away and…..”

“OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, GROSS MOM GROSS,OH MY GOD AND I TOUCHED IT,OH MY GOD”

“Ummm, it’s not like it is used or anything”

“GROSS MOM, I NEED THERAPY NOW”

“Then just stay out of my purse!!”

Enter the girls.

Of course because it sounds like I am beating him, the girls come running to see what’s going on.

Little Gracie innocently ask, with the slightest bit of concern.

“What’s wrong with Vinnie?”

*sigh*

“He is just being dramatic”

“MOM HAS A BUTT PILLOW IN HER PURSE!”

Oy!

He is lucky he did not find my vodka!

The Saturday before Easter we went over to my husbands family house for a get together. My husbands sister and her husband had just moved into a new home. We would spend the day just hanging out,doing prayer and later some karaoke ( FYI I have mastered Elvis Presley’s “In The Ghetto”)

I have been married for about 7 years now. It has taking me a long time to feel comfortable with this family. My in laws are old school Samoan, and for the longest time I felt that they had wished their youngest son would have married a Samoan girl. But he got me instead!

They are good people,just old school.

All was going well. Everyone was enjoying themselves, my kids were actually behaving and not embarrassing me.

And then, it was time for prayer.

My husbands family and I have slightly different religious beliefs, so anytime prayer goes on I participate from a safe distance. I took a seat at their kitchen bar, which faces into their living room. The grandparents my sister in law and her son were sitting on the sectional, along with an Aunt. Joe and my kids were sitting on the floor. From my spot, I could see everything yet remain at a comfortable distance.

My brother in law also was at the kitchen bar. I am just going to assume he feels the same way I do, not that that is important to my little story.

My father in law started things out by having everyone sing some Samoan songs. I do not know how to speak Samoan so I usually just sit there and pretend someone very important called me.

After the singing, father-in-law asked the kids if they know what the true meaning of Easter is.

Silence.

I just knew that my 11 yr old (Vinnie) would come up with something spiffy such as “The real meaning of Easter is about the Easter Bunny”

I was ready for it, I had already planned my exit if any mention of the Easter Bunny came out of his mouth.

However,this is not how it happened.

All of a sudden, little Gracie (7) decides to tell my in laws, as loud as she can “MOM AND DAD WERE FIGHTING LAST NIGHT”

Just shoot me now.

I bury my head under my arms, while the room fills with that awkward kind of laughter. The kind where you just laugh to fill the silence,not because anything is really funny.

Again….

“I SAID MOM AND DAD WERE FIGHTING LAST NIGHT”

insert more pretend laughter.

My brother in law who is also with me at the bar is trying his hardest not to laugh “Boy, Gracie is really trying to throw you under the bus huh?”

“Shut up Mike”

Joe discreetly told Gracie to pretty much shut up.

“I SAID MOM AND DAD WERE FIGHTING LAST NIGHT A THEN THEY WERE GOING TO MAKE A BABY”

Oh my god where does this kid come up with this stuff? Like does her 7 yr old brain plot ways to humiliate me, in front of my in laws of all people?!

I just know my mother in law is probably thinking what kind of woman did her son marry?

“MOM AND DAD WERE FIGHTING AND MAKING BABIES”

It was then that my father in law decided who really cares what the true meaning of Easter is, lets eat!

At that point,I did not care about food. I left Joe to tend to the kids,I heard my vodka calling and I was gong to find it.

This was a writing prompt from Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop. I chose the prompt Write about a time your child embarrassed you in public.

I messed up. Granted it does not happen often, but this was pretty bad.

My younger sister is pregnant with her first child. As soon as we found out she was pregnant, my mother, my other sister and myself have been bombarding “Pregnant Sis” w/ baby names, especially girl baby names because everyone believes “Pregnant Sis” will have a girl. Some of my personal picks are…

Anninston Hope
Kennis Tru

and that’s about it. Unusual names, but nothing like Apple or Pear, or even Squash.

My mother and other sister enjoy the more common names, Lacy, Faith, Madison, etc.

Anyway….none of that matters because every name we come up with for the baby, “Pregnant Sis” happens to have an ex boyfriend who had a sister who had a boyfriend who kicked his dog and the dogs name was Anninston.

You see?!

So the other day “Pregnant Sis” calls me out of the blue w/ exciting news. She has FINALLY decided on the name for her baby assuming the baby is a girl.

“Okay, tell me what is it?….Wait…do I need vodka for this?”

“Pregnant Sis” took a quick little “sigh” and told me

“You may actually need a drink for this.”

Well considering it was only noon, I could not drink. Perhaps in hindsight if I had had my vodka the following events would not have happened.

I am on the phone, outside on our balcony, talking to “Pregnant Sis” who is so excited to tell me the name she and “Baby Daddy” picked out for their daughter. I anxiously await. “Pregnant Sis” takes a deep breath then as proud as she could she reveals the names. Yes, I said names, first, middle, and a hyphenated last name.

Silence. I was speechless for about two seconds and then the uncontrollable laughter set in. Yes…I, the older and wiser sister laughed….uncontrollably.

Just kill me now!!!

“I knew you would not like it”

As I am trying desperately to catch my breath, I tell “Pregnant Sis” to give me a second, let the name sink in. It did not work.

I am the worse sister ever!!!

And now “Pregnant Sis” will not answer my calls.

So, in the hopes of “Pregnant Sis” reading this blog, I want to here by publicly apologize to you for laughing. Any name you decide on for your baby is perfect!!! The name is a little bit quirky just like you…and that my dear is a compliment!!

I know you, my faithful readers are just dying to know exactly what kind of name had me busting out laughing. I cannot say. I actually have other family members who on occasion read this blog and “Pregnant Sis” wants to be the one to tell everyone the name. As soon as she gives me her okay, I will reveal the name. Then you all can tell me what a cute name it is and how I am a horrible sister who lacks creativity.

If I had only had my vodka none of this would happen.

Tommy’s crossed arms answered my question before he spoke.

“She called again didn’t she?” I asked, there in the open doorway,one hand on my hip, the other clutching my bag and briefcase. I already knew the answer, I just needed to hear him say so.

He just stood there, trying as hard as he could to not look guilty. The right side of his mouth was clenched in a way that lead me to believe he was biting the inside of his cheek. His stiff tense arms resting on his chest, while leaning against the fridge. The eyes, those crystal clear blue eyes, always a sure giveaway to when he was lying. Tommy can make you think he is looking you dead in the eye but he isn’t. He is looking at the space right between your eyes. A little trick he had taught me when I had my first public speaking assignment.

“Look Jess, I did not have to tell you she called, I’m just being honest with you”

Angrily I threw my coat on the table, although it looks as if it made it to the floor. I don’t care.

“Actually you did not tell me, I guessed, and where was this new form of honesty six months ago?”

I walk towards my desk, not really having a reason to be there, just not wanting Tommy to see my eyes slowly starting to form with tears.

“Don’t start with me Jess”

I can hear the annoyance in his voice as he makes his way to the fridge to grab a Coors.

“Don’t start with you? You are the one who brought this person into our life, and you better be the one to get rid of her, or else I will.”

This was a writing prompt from

our task….

This week, focus on dialogue and body language to set a scene or move a story forward, limiting your use of narration. You have 450 words, beginning with the line: His crossed arms answered her question before he spoke.

If you are writing memoir this week and find the opening line too restrictive, incorporate the idea of crossed arms as close to the beginning of your piece as possible.

This was very new to me. I am a beginner and would appreciate and kind of constructive criticism….just be nice!!!

After this, I do believe my vodka is calling!