The time when we went to Church’s (the chicken place, not the God place)

So I am writing a book. Come to find out this whole book writing process is harder than I thought. It’s not like I have the luxury of having a ghost writer or anything. (Carole and Aviva from NY Housewives, I am talking to you.) For the entire month of July, I did not blog, because of this book that will most likely never see the light of day. Then, today I had writers block. Which brings me here.

Yesterday I had to take my 13 year old son, Vinnie, to the dentist. Even though Vinnie was so damn sure he had no cavities, and I quote, “My teeth are golden mom, I got this.” That was not the case. He had three cavities. The lovely dental assistant who looked as if she rather be anywhere else than here, called him back. Finally this was my time to relax. I figure I had a good 30 minutes or so to myself waiting in the waiting room. Thirty minutes turned into an hour and a half, and it was the best day ever. I was able to relax, do some reading, clean out my purse, without any interruptions. You know the kind. “Mom, I’m hungry.” “Mom, I’m bored.” “Mom, Gracie hit me.” “Mom, Sofia hit me.” “Hey, babe, do we have any cheese?” I was in heaven.

While cleaning out my purse I found a coupon for Church’s fried chicken. Being that we have never had their chicken, and I was too lazy to cook, I took this as a sign from above that dinner had just been decided upon.

Vinnie comes out, he can barely talk because the good ole Dentist had to numb him. Shout out to Dr. Chang. Holla! Vinnie kept touching his face, as if the more he pinched it, the sooner he would get feeling back. Sorry, son, it does not work that way! I explain to Vinnie how we just have to run and pick up chicken real quick. He was not amused. He mumbled something about not being able to eat for an hour or so. That’s fine, I will keep his plate warm. Here we come Church’s.

I studied my coupon. Ten pieces of chicken plus two sides for ten bucks. Vinnie and I both went up to the counter to place the order. I was probably a little too excited as I threw my coupon at the guy, while Vinnie and his numb face with drool coming out of his mouth could care less.

Imagine my horror when the manager said to me “I am sorry mam, coupon expired. No good.”

Now this is not my first rodeo. I have been down this road before with Pappa Johns. “On really now, well can you kindly point out the expiration date, because I seem to be missing it”

I am all proud, like take that manager guy. You are messing with the wrong girl today. I got this.

“Right here mam, you see, it says limited time only”

Well crap. So I tell manager guy to help the people behind me while me, Vinnie and his drool take a closer look at the menu.

The manager helps the three people behind us, while I study the menu, trying to figure out how to get the most for my money. Meanwhile, Vinnie is still wiping away his drool.

I finally made my decision, went up to the counter, told manager guy “Okay, this is what I want.” Manager guy looks at me, looks at Vinnie, looks back at me. “I am sorry mam, I did not understand your situation, we will honor coupon for you. I did not know, my apologies.”

Okay, what? What am I missing here? He did not know what, that we wanted chicken?

“I am sorry, but what?”

“Your son mam, your son, mouth is watering, when was the last time he ate? We honor your coupon and give you free side.”

Insert long pause here in order for my brain to compute everything.

“Oh…oh…..wait…..oh, you think he has not eaten? Oh my god, no no no, he just came from the dentist, his mouth is numb……Vinnie, tell him!”

So OF COURSE Vinnie is totally playing this up. “Ummmm, I did eat two days ago, that counts, right?”

Just kill me now. I even think manager guy had tears in his eyes. I allowed him to honor the coupon, but made sure to order additional food, so he did not think I was not feeding my kid.

Vinne and I gather our food order, knowing damn well we cannot show our faces in there again, and manager guy gives us some sounding last words.

“God bless mam, chicken make good leftover, no throw away.”