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A post about nothing…

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I was all set to write a post about how I am slightly obsessed with the scale. Then I thought to myself, “Self, who really wants to read a post about my obsession with the scale?” So I deleted, then I called my sister.

My sister is a huge 49er fan, and the game is on now. They are winning, going into the half, so I figured it was okay to call her. Yeah. It was not okay to call her because she is recording the game to watch later when her husband comes home. Of course I figured this out after I told her “I figured it was safe to call since you guys are winning and it’s halftime.”

My NY GIANTS play today. They play Seattle. I live in Seattle. This should be good, and by good I mean not really. I already have the perfect Facebook status to post assuming my GIANTS will pull out a miracle and beat the Hawks, but come on, that is not likely to happen. As my dad said, “Parting the Red Sea would be an easier task.”

I should be cleaning instead of writing a post about nothing. Actually, I should finish with my Christmas decorations. Yes, I already started my Christmas decorations. It’s my favorite time of year that just flies by in the blink of an eye so why not enjoy it while I can?

The other day I read an article about writing. It said that “writers” should write every day. Even if you have nothing to say, write, write, write. That brings us to this post about nothing. Clearly, I have nothing of great importance to say. I am in the process of writing a book, and by “in the process” I mean, I have about two sentences down on paper. So I blog. Blogging about nothing. Lucky you dear reader.

Well, I will sign off now, and try to get some real work done.

Also, is it too early for Vodka?

Jacqueline Laurita just really annoys me.

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I have not written a public blog in quite some time. I have also never written about my reality t.v. shows. Quite honestly, you read one blog, you have read them all. However, that is about to change.

Jacqueline Laurita from The Real Housewives of New Jersey, just needs to go away. She needs to get off t.v, concentrate on her son who is autistic, put the blasted wine down, and for all that is holy stay off Twitter when drinking said wine.

When we were first introduced to Jacqueline about 6 seasons ago, she had the potential to be the most liked Housewife in the entire franchise. She was cute, fun, her story line in season 1 was one that many of us could relate to (miscarriages/trying to conceive.) She was actually enjoyable for a hot second.

Then, before we knew it, her obsession with wine and Twitter took over, and well….here we are. Last season Jacqueline decided not to return to the Housewives. Of course that most likely means Bravo did not ask her back. Her Twitter feed at the time was filled with how happy she is to be out of reality t.v, and how she has so many exciting things in the works, blah blah blah.

Well….as Eminem would say, Guess whose back?! Not only did she return to do a few fake scenes this season, she has also signed on to return next season. Why? Anyone who knows the history of the Manzos/Lauritas knows there is some family feud going on. At this point I am not even sure anyone cares about said family feud. Am I right?

I feel like Jacqueline is trying to do a Melissa/Teresa feud story line part 2. and because of that, it does not look like Dina will be returning next season.

Dina…..love her or hate her, you cannot deny the fact that she despises the drama. She is not one to take to Twitter while drunk on Pinot Grigio and post Tweet after Tweet about ridiculous random crap. That is Jacquelines job. Now, it seems as if Jacqueline has something to prove. “Oh yeah Dina, I will show you, I will come back to the show!”

Oy!

The funniest part. Just the other night, Jacqueline (while drunk on Twitter of course) told Andy “My husband just favorited my Tweet so you know it is true.” Okay, really???

First of all, just because someone, and in Jacquelines case her freakin husband “favorited” her Tweet, that does not make it gospel.

Secondly, I am sure it was Jacqueline just using her husbands phone.

Thirdly, no one cares. If a bunch of grown adults cannot work out their family issues privately, then why should we be invested?? Does she know how crazy she looks? Why is she even coming back? Does she have something to prove? Can anyone shed any insight on this??

Jacqueline, there is help out there if you need it. Take a break from t.v. concentrate on your son, your husband, your other children. Arent you guys suppose to be “downsizing”?

But, most importantly…..step aside and allow your husband and his sister to work out whatever it is they need to work out and keep it off Twitter. One day your boys will be able to read it all, is this the way you want them to see you?

The time when we went to Church’s (the chicken place, not the God place)

~ Vodka Calling ~ Leave a comment

So I am writing a book. Come to find out this whole book writing process is harder than I thought. It’s not like I have the luxury of having a ghost writer or anything. (Carole and Aviva from NY Housewives, I am talking to you.) For the entire month of July, I did not blog, because of this book that will most likely never see the light of day. Then, today I had writers block. Which brings me here.

Yesterday I had to take my 13 year old son, Vinnie, to the dentist. Even though Vinnie was so damn sure he had no cavities, and I quote, “My teeth are golden mom, I got this.” That was not the case. He had three cavities. The lovely dental assistant who looked as if she rather be anywhere else than here, called him back. Finally this was my time to relax. I figure I had a good 30 minutes or so to myself waiting in the waiting room. Thirty minutes turned into an hour and a half, and it was the best day ever. I was able to relax, do some reading, clean out my purse, without any interruptions. You know the kind. “Mom, I’m hungry.” “Mom, I’m bored.” “Mom, Gracie hit me.” “Mom, Sofia hit me.” “Hey, babe, do we have any cheese?” I was in heaven.

While cleaning out my purse I found a coupon for Church’s fried chicken. Being that we have never had their chicken, and I was too lazy to cook, I took this as a sign from above that dinner had just been decided upon.

Vinnie comes out, he can barely talk because the good ole Dentist had to numb him. Shout out to Dr. Chang. Holla! Vinnie kept touching his face, as if the more he pinched it, the sooner he would get feeling back. Sorry, son, it does not work that way! I explain to Vinnie how we just have to run and pick up chicken real quick. He was not amused. He mumbled something about not being able to eat for an hour or so. That’s fine, I will keep his plate warm. Here we come Church’s.

I studied my coupon. Ten pieces of chicken plus two sides for ten bucks. Vinnie and I both went up to the counter to place the order. I was probably a little too excited as I threw my coupon at the guy, while Vinnie and his numb face with drool coming out of his mouth could care less.

Imagine my horror when the manager said to me “I am sorry mam, coupon expired. No good.”

Now this is not my first rodeo. I have been down this road before with Pappa Johns. “On really now, well can you kindly point out the expiration date, because I seem to be missing it”

I am all proud, like take that manager guy. You are messing with the wrong girl today. I got this.

“Right here mam, you see, it says limited time only”

Well crap. So I tell manager guy to help the people behind me while me, Vinnie and his drool take a closer look at the menu.

The manager helps the three people behind us, while I study the menu, trying to figure out how to get the most for my money. Meanwhile, Vinnie is still wiping away his drool.

I finally made my decision, went up to the counter, told manager guy “Okay, this is what I want.” Manager guy looks at me, looks at Vinnie, looks back at me. “I am sorry mam, I did not understand your situation, we will honor coupon for you. I did not know, my apologies.”

Okay, what? What am I missing here? He did not know what, that we wanted chicken?

“I am sorry, but what?”

“Your son mam, your son, mouth is watering, when was the last time he ate? We honor your coupon and give you free side.”

Insert long pause here in order for my brain to compute everything.

“Oh…oh…..wait…..oh, you think he has not eaten? Oh my god, no no no, he just came from the dentist, his mouth is numb……Vinnie, tell him!”

So OF COURSE Vinnie is totally playing this up. “Ummmm, I did eat two days ago, that counts, right?”

Just kill me now. I even think manager guy had tears in his eyes. I allowed him to honor the coupon, but made sure to order additional food, so he did not think I was not feeding my kid.

Vinne and I gather our food order, knowing damn well we cannot show our faces in there again, and manager guy gives us some sounding last words.

“God bless mam, chicken make good leftover, no throw away.”

A Taste of Summer

~ Vodka Calling ~ 5 Comments

Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop

 

Check her out here

Tuesday was the last day of school for my girls. I love watching all the school kids leave the building, so excited that it is the last day of school. A few of them have gifts for their teachers. Even the bus drivers excitedly honk their horn BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP as if saying “Have a great Summer, see ya in the fall!” I absolutely LOVE seeing the teachers give their students hugs while wishing them a safe and happy summer. Many of us parents have our own tradition, on the last day of school we take the kids out to eat. It’s an exciting time. Summer for children is almost magical. Staying up late, picnics and barbecues, going to the beach, park and even the zoo. Hot days spent at the ice cream shop, and you know for the kids, summer last an eternity. It is a time for me when I put away all the pictures and report cards that I have accumulated this school year and look ahead to the next. It’s almost a time for reflecting, at least to those of us that still have young kids…….and then when Monday comes around, I will be at the point where I will have lost my mind and will be anxiously counting down the days till school starts up again.

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What I learned last month

~ Vodka Calling ~ 2 Comments

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“Talk about something you learned last month.”

This is the writing prompt I chose this week for Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop.

http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/2014/06/writing-prompts-06-10/

As soon as I saw the choices I had for the writing prompts, I knew this was the one I had to do.

The month of May is National Mobility Awareness Month. They had a contest going on for the entire month of May that was pretty much based on votes and your own “local hero” story. At the end of the month four winners were chosen. They each won a handicap accessible van.

My niece was in this contest and made it to the semi finals. When she was six years old, she was in a near fatal car accident that left her paralyzed.  Countless surgeries and 14 years later she decided to enter this contest with her number one goal being to hopefully win one of these vans so she would be able to start college. Her mom and dad are working class, living pay check to pay check like most of us. There is no room in the budget for a fifty thousand dollar van.

My niece made it to the semi finals, but did not win.

That is okay, it was not meant to be.

What I did learn was that big things can happen with so little. She had so many votes. Complete strangers were voting for her. She was on her local news and Chick-Fil-A opened their restaurant so their customers could vote after placing their order.

I learned so much last month. Most people really do care, and will do whatever they can to help. Even something as simple as voting. I believe that THAT was the lesson we were suppose to learn. THAT was the journey. It is not always about the destination, but how you get there that matters.

If anyone is interested is reading more, please go here

This is not me trying to get donations, just me trying to spread awareness.

Smile

Aside ~ ~ Vodka Calling ~ 2 Comments

If you know anything about me (which, lets face it, you don’t. This is a fairly new blog.) You know I am a huge NY GIANTS fan. Like HUGE. Like I will be loyal to my team till the day I die. Even last season when they sucked, I was loyal till the Super Bowl. Now, I live in Seattle. Seahawks went to the Super Bowl. So for just that one game I was a Seahawks fan. But just for that day. And, had it been a GIANTS and Seahawks Super Bowl, I would have went for my boys. Big Blue Baby!!

My love for the NY GIANTS came from my dad. He is also a huge fan. Growing up, watching him watch the GIANTS game on Sundays after church, well, it just stuck with me. Now, I am not about to give away my age (and if I did, it would most likely be a lie) but let us just say I have been a serious GIANTS fan for the past 19 years or so.

Now, imagine my surprise when in the mail today I received a shirt from my dad. The parents are downsizing, and he is sending me all his GIANTS memorabilia. Do you know what was written on this particular shirt? A message to my dad from LEONARD MARSHALL (he played for the GIANTS for about 10 seasons) I am all like “What the hell?!?! Is this real???” I texted my dad “IS THAT REALLY LEONARD MARSHALL’S AUTOGRAPH?? ADDRESSED TO YOU?????”

“Yes, glad you like it!”

Clearly I needed a further explanation. Like a how and a when did this happen??? So I texted my dad just that.

Well, apparently years ago my FATHER played golf with Leonard Marshall AND Phil Simms. (former quarterback for the GIANTS for fourteen years) and then WENT TO DINNER with them, for some work thing.

“They are the nicest guys, real down to earth”

“WHY AM I JUST NOW HEARING ABOUT THIS????”

“You were not a fan back then”

“Okay, but for the past NINETEEN YEARS I HAVE BEEN!”

So yeah.

If you are not a fan of football, you wont “get it” but if you are a fan, you will totally get why it was I had the biggest smile on my face when I saw the shirt, and found out that dad played golf with them and then went to dinner!

Wow, you really never stop learning about your parents. Always stories to be told.

I texted my dad to ask if I could post about it on Facebook.

He has yet to respond.

So I decided to blog about it instead.

* This post was inspired by Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop. “Something that made you smile”

Go check her out.

http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/

Misunderstood?

~ Vodka Calling ~ 6 Comments

My 13 yr old son got caught stealing at the mall.

The Husband and I just sat down to dinner. My cell phone rang. I actually debated whether I should answer it or not. Knowing my son was at the mall with his friends I figured I should. You know, in case of an emergency or anything.

“Hello, Jennifer?”

“Yes…”

“This is Officer Riley down at The Commons, I have your son here at Kohls. Him and his friends we caught stealing and we need someone to come pick him up.”

I really do not remember what I said other than “ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!”

Officer Riley was not kidding.

The Husband leaves to go pick up our son, and I pour a double vodka. I mean clearly there has to be some reasonable explanation for this, right? Maybe they had the wrong kid? Yeah right, Officer Riley called my cell. Of course he did not have the wrong kid.

I spent the next half hour wondering where it was that I went wrong? How could my kid make such a stupid choice? I mean yes, he has made bad choices before. Like wearing red skinny jeans, but nothing like this. Why? It’s my fault. It has to be my fault, I am the mother. It is always the mothers fault.

Finally, they come home. The Husband is quiet. Which always means he is angry. My son decides to go straight to his room.

Oh heck no!!

“You better turn around and tell me everything, everything! Right now, I want an explanation.”

Do you want to know what he said to me? Oh, you will love it. “Gosh Mom, you just do not understand me. You think you understand me but you don’t”

Typical 13 yr old. They get caught doing something terribly wrong, and turn it around.

Whatever. This is not my first rodeo. Thanks to my 20 yr old son, I do have some kind of practice, although I have to admit stealing is a first for me.

After I calmed down, and by “calmed down” I mean another double vodka. We talked. All of us had a good talk. Did anything get resolved? Time will tell. Since the incident, which was only three weeks ago by the way, things have been better. He no longer has a phone, and he no longer has a life. School and home until he proves himself.

 

Bottom line, somewhere along the way the was some kind of misunderstanding going on.

Perhaps I misunderstood the pressure of being a 13 yr old boy?

Perhaps my son misunderstood  in no way shape or form will I put up with stealing.

Perhaps I misunderstood some signs along the way.

Or, perhaps we as a family misunderstood each other.

* This post was inspired by the one and only Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop.

http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/

 

Miss Ellie

~ Vodka Calling ~ 1 Comment

I met Miss Ellie about three years ago at my local grocery store. While debating in front of the coffee creamers “Should I get peppermint mocha or be good and get the sugar free vanilla?” Miss Ellie approached me out of no where.  “You want to know something?” Startled, I turned around, not quite sure knowing what to expect. There she was, the tiny elderly lady who I will quickly get to know as Miss Ellie.  She had on a straw hat. A rather large straw hat that covered her mostly  grey bob.  Blue overalls and a flannel shirt completed what I would call her “Farm Girl” look. I do not live in farm country. I live in a suburb of Seattle. So, this was strange.

I probably hesitated a little too long before I cautiously replied “Me?”
Miss Ellie grabbed my arm and some what guided me back to my cart which was maybe only two feet in front of me. “Look here, you see your pocketbook? Let me tell you a secret, you need to buckle it in with these here straps that you use to buckle up a little one.  Because any ole hoodlum can come and just snatch up your pocketbook and you would never know because you are looking at them coffee creamer. That stuff is bad for you anyway, drink your coffee black.”
For some reason I felt the need to apologize to Miss Ellie. “Yes mam, you make a very good point, buckle my purse in and black coffee, thank you for your advice.”
A pleased Miss Ellie say goodbye with a “Well, alright then, have a good day, and next time I see you in here, buckle up your pocketbook.”

Miss Ellie did have a point. I am so careless at times, I never pay attention to where may purse is. Makes mental not to buckle my purse in.

As time went on, I would see Miss Ellie once every two months or so for the next three years. She not only did her pocketbook  routine with me, but with every other female shopper who was alone in the store. It got to the point where every time I saw her coming, or shall I say every time I saw her straw hat coming, I would quickly try to buckle in my purse so she would not lecture me.
She still always lectured me.

I saw Miss Ellie today. Probably the first time in about five months. Today was slightly different. I had a return to do, so I headed straight towards the return desk. Miss Ellie had just finished up her purchase at the register, and as soon as she saw me, and I saw the straw hat, I knew there was no time to buckle in my purse. “Miss Ellie, I was just about to buckle my purse in when I saw you.”
Miss Ellie is no fool. “Let me tell you something, I have been around for a very long time, do not lie to me. You were as close to buckling your pocketbook in as I was to go buy me one of them skimpy swimsuits. Now buckle your pocket book while I watch.”

Damn, Miss Ellie is tough!

We chatted for a few minutes, and then she gave me some coupons she had no use for. Specifically V8 and adult diapers.
I had no use for them either, and was almost wondering if I should be insulted, and then Miss Ellie grabbed my arm. “Let me tell you something. Ya know I was in here the other day. I told some lady everything I have told you. Buckle your pocketbook in so no hoodlums will run off with it. You know what she told me? She told me “I do not need your advice” So I told her don’t come cry to me when a hoodlum steals your pocketbook. I know most people see me as a crazy old lady but I know how those hoodlums are. You go on and finish your shopping. You’re a good one. You always talk to me.”
And then she quickly scurried off, wiping her eyes with her handkerchief.

I do not know Miss Ellie’s story. I do not know if she has a family or if she is all alone. A cashier told me she believes Miss Ellie lives in an assisted living home, but who knows. What I do know about her is she is a very sweet lady. Tough, but sweet. So if any of you three people who may be reading this happen to come in contact with your own Miss Ellie, well, good luck to you.

*This blog post was part of mama Kat’s Writers Workshop.  A blog post inspired by the word “sweet”
http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/

Miss Ellie

~ Vodka Calling ~ 3 Comments

I met Miss Ellie about three years ago at my local grocery store. While debating in front of the coffee creamers “Should I get peppermint mocha or be good and get the sugar free vanilla?” Miss Ellie approached me out of no where.  “You want to know something?” Startled, I turned around, not quite sure knowing what to expect. There she was, the tiny elderly lady who I will quickly get to know as Miss Ellie.  She had on a straw hat. A rather large straw hat that covered her mostly  grey bob.  Blue overalls and a flannel shirt completed what I would call her “Farm Girl” look. I do not live in farm country. I live in a suburb of Seattle. So, this was strange.

I probably hesitated a little too long before I cautiously replied “Me?”

Miss Ellie grabbed my arm and some what guided me back to my cart which was maybe only two feet in front of me. “Look here, you see your pocketbook? Let me tell you a secret, you need to buckle it in with these here straps that you use to buckle up a little one.  Because any ole hoodlum can come and just snatch up your pocketbook and you would never know because you are looking at them coffee creamer. That stuff is bad for you anyway, drink your coffee black.”

For some reason I felt the need to apologize to Miss Ellie. “Yes mam, you make a very good point, buckle my purse in and black coffee, thank you for your advice.”

A pleased Miss Ellie say goodbye with a “Well, alright then, have a good day, and next time I see you in here, buckle up your pocketbook.”

Miss Ellie did have a point. I am so careless at times, I never pay attention to where may purse is. Makes mental not to buckle my purse in.

As time went on, I would see Miss Ellie once every two months or so for the next three years. She not only did her pocketbook  routine with me, but with every other female shopper who was alone in the store. It got to the point where every time I saw her coming, or shall I say every time I saw her straw hat coming, I would quickly try to buckle in my purse so she would not lecture me.

She still always lectured me.

I saw Miss Ellie today. Probably the first time in about five months. Today was slightly different. I had a return to do, so I headed straight towards the return desk. Miss Ellie had just finished up her purchase at the register, and as soon as she saw me, and I saw the straw hat, I knew there was no time to buckle in my purse. “Miss Ellie, I was just about to buckle my purse in when I saw you.”

Miss Ellie is no fool. “Let me tell you something, I have been around for a very long time, do not lie to me. You were as close to buckling your pocketbook in as I was to go buy me one of them skimpy swimsuits. Now buckle your pocket book while I watch.”

Damn, Miss Ellie is tough!

We chatted for a few minutes, and then she gave me some coupons she had no use for. Specifically V8 and adult diapers.

I had no use for them either, and was almost wondering if I should be insulted, and then Miss Ellie grabbed my arm. “Let me tell you something. Ya know I was in here the other day. I told some lady everything I have told you. Buckle your pocketbook in so no hoodlums will run off with it. You know what she told me? She told me “I do not need your advice” So I told her don’t come cry to me when a hoodlum steals your pocketbook. I know most people see me as a crazy old lady but I know how those hoodlums are. You go on and finish your shopping. You’re a good one. You always talk to me.”

And then she quickly scurried off, wiping her eyes with her handkerchief.

I do not know Miss Ellie’s story. I do not know if she has a family or if she is all alone. A cashier told me she believes Miss Ellie lives in an assisted living home, but who knows. What I do know about her is she is a very sweet lady. Tough, but sweet. So if any of you three people who may be reading this happen to come in contact with your own Miss Ellie, well, good luck to you.

 

*This blog post was part of mama Kat’s Writers Workshop.  A blog post inspired by the word “sweet”

http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Public Speaking

~ Vodka Calling ~ 5 Comments

When I was a little girl, up till my mid 20’s, I was shy. No just your typical “shy girl” shy, more like, ” Okay, what the heck is wrong with this girl who will not talk?”

It is not as if I had some kind of traumatic experience that stole my voice or anything. I was just wired that way. I was afraid to talk to anyone and everyone. The cashier at the grocery store, the mechanic, the faceless voice over the phone who would always call trying to sell me something. I was abnormally shy.

When I was about 15, my dad took me to a local high school where Montel Williams was speaking. A few important facts,

* I am not sure how my dads job and Montel Williams’  somehow incorporated and brought us together that brisk fall day at a high school that I did not even attend in Virginia Beach, VA…….but it did.

* My dad introduced me to Montel Williams, I stumbled out a “hello” shook his hand, begrudgingly, and that was it.

* Montel Williams was speaking about the dangers of drugs.

* My parents thought I was doing drugs.

* I was not doing drugs.

So now that you are up to speed, I will proceed.

During the assembly with our new friend Montel, there was a part in there where he called a few students up to the stage to ask us questions about drugs. I clearly remember his eyes on me as I am scooting down in my seat, pretending I dropped my purse begging and pleading with God for him to not call my name. I even promised  I will go to church for the rest of my life, I will marry a pastor just please do not call my name. 

He called my name.

Just shoot me now!

I slowly and awkwardly made my way to the stage, even though I was sitting in the front row. I gave my dad “the look.” Hoping that he would get a clue that the last thing I want to do right now is go on stage. My dad sat there with a big ole smile on his face that I interpreted one of two ways.

“Go on Jen, this will be fun.”

or

“Haha sucker, this is what you get for doing drugs.”

If you know my dad, he was most likely thinking the latter.

As soon as I get to the stage, Montel throws the microphone in my face and asks “What’s your name?”

I froze. And by froze I mean I stepped away from the microphone, looked down, made no eye contact and with the faintest of whispers, replied with “Jennifer.”

Montel sent me back to my seat, probably believing I was indeed on drugs.

I will say this, this experience drove me to wanting to do drugs. And, I really do not think anyone would have blamed me if I had done drugs, but I remained a good girl and never did drugs.

However, I did have my first kid at 19, so there’s that.

A few months after THE INCIDENT, my father wrote a play for the teens to do at church. To this day, I have no idea how this happened, but I was the lead, and, if I do say so myself, I totally rocked it. I loved being up on stage “acting.” I never felt more alive. I was also good at it, like seriously good at it.

Today, if the same incident were to happen, not only would I be able to go up to Montel, confidently taking the microphone, telling him my name and entire life story. He would be lucky if he got the mic back.

Funny how times change.

I never got into the acting thing, because I was doing the whole mom thing.

Now a days I am one of those people who holds up the line at the grocery store while chatting with the cashier. The car mechanics, I put them in their place real quick if I feel they are taking advantage of me, and the Montel Williams incident is long in the past,

but I never did watch his show,

nor will I.

 

* This post was inspired by Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop. Just click the link below if you want to join in.

http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/

~Jennifer