I remember when my kids were babies. On the rare occassion, they would sleep through the night, I would watch them all cute and snuggled in their swaddled blanket and tell myself “I wish they could stay this age forever.”

As we all know life does not work that way and before I knew it, I was walking a nervous five-year-old into their first day of kindergarten. It was always harder on me than my kid. Once I got comfortable with the elementary years, I would again tell myself “I wish they could stay this age forever.” There is just something special about seeing their artwork, or chorus concerts. The student-led conferences that my kids dreaded but I enjoyed. Mainly because the teacher would really talk up my kids. Well, okay there was a time or two where my boys had less than stellar conferences, but you know what I mean.

Gracie, who is now getting ready for her first year in high school told me the other day “I had my first crush in kindergarten.” Well, she starts early! (Takes after her aunt.)

I believe Sofia’s first crush was on one of her teachers. She never told me that, but I know my kid. Sofia is now getting ready to begin her 7th-grade year in middle school.

Where does the time go?

My oldest son. There are so many things I should have done differently with him. You know we always screw up the first one. He is a good person, at his heart and soul, he is good. He has been struggling through.

My youngest son, he is a badass. He has it together. Working and going to college. I realized what I did wrong with my oldest and made sure not to do it with my next. Trust me, in some capacity, you will one day read about him in a place other than this blog. He is going places.

My girls. I try so hard with them. I want to do everything I possibly can to protect them while giving them independence. I want to set them up for success. I think for the most part I am doing okay.

In the blink of an eye, I said good-bye to diapers and pacifiers. I said good-bye to sippy cups and Disney channel. I said good-bye to cute pink hair bows and Dora the Explorer t-shirts.

As soon as I said good-bye, I was quickly welcomed with crushes and makeup. We went from “Highschool Musical” to Nightcore videos, and at the writing of this post, I am still not exactly sure what Nightcore is, other than Sofia really enjoys listening to it.

I have been following a few new “Mommy Bloggers.” I kind of want to laugh. As they post about their child causing some sort of disturbance in museums and grocery stores, I am thinking to myself “Oh, you have no idea!” As I am entering this new chapter of teenagers and grown adult children, I can safely say I have paid my dues. I have paid my dues twice fold, in fact, I have probably over-paid somewhere along the way.

My youngest, Sofia, woke me up at 3am this morning. She was all pissed off and I could hear her attitude before I opened my eyes.

“Mom! There is blood on my underwear so that means I started my period. I am not happy about this! Do you hear me, I am not happy about this!”

Oh dear God, the beast has awoken.

“Do you hear me, Mother!”

Crap, she is serious. She used the word “mother.”

“Yes, Sofia, I am up. Thank you by the way for waking me up with your stomping across the hardwood floors at 3am.”

“I should have known this was going to happen. One week before I start school and I get my freakin period for the first time ever. Thanks, Mother, thanks a lot!”

“Umm, you do know this not my fault, right?”

Sofia is my little drama queen. Between her hair flips and exaggerated hand moves, home-girl is annoyed.

“Forget it, Mother! Where are the pads or whatever it is called?!”

Damn, she is a bitch when she wants to be.

*Sigh*

“Sofia, let’s bring it down a notch. This is normal, I did not set out and pray to the Gods above asking them to bestow your first menstrual cycle one week before school begins. The pads are in my room and Gracie has a stash in hers. Do you want to talk….”

“That’s all I needed to know Mother, I will handle this!”

I think we are all in agreement when I say we already feel sorry for her future spouse….if she chooses to even have one. Sofia is kinda scary, but it works for her.

You guys, this is like the circle and life and all that.

When I first began this blog, my sweet little innocent Sofia was three years old. And now here we are. She is blaming me for her menstrual period. Fun times!

In closing, to all you Mommy Bloggers out there, enjoy these moments. It won’t last so take it in now because before you know it, that sweet little baby you have in front of you, they do not stay that way.

And, in the time it takes you to change out of your black leggings and a simple white t-shirt, you will find yourself asking that sweet innocent baby for permission to write a post about their first menstrual period.

God speed, and when you need it because trust me, you will need it, just know that Vodka is always Calling.

 

 

 

 

 

My 12 yr old daughter, Sofia, wrote something. I am not sure if it should be called a post, a letter, an essay or what. She wrote a piece. She wrote her truth. In this piece, she talked about how she very recently admitted to me that she likes both boys and girls.

As you can imagine, the last few days we have been having many different conversations. Some initiated by me, some initiated by her. All of our conversations begin and end the same.

“We love you no matter what. We do not care who you date in the future. As much as we appreciate your honesty, dating rule is 17. Whether you are dating boys, girls or the Purple Freakin’ People Eater, there is no alone dating until you are 17. More importantly, we love you. You are strong and you are brave.”

Sofia was naturally worried about what her family would think. Especially her brothers and father. If I am to be honest, I was worried too.

I grew up in the church. I know how my family feels. I know what my family believes. I grew up in Virginia, during a time when even mixed relationships were frowned upon, not to mention homosexuals. Back then, very few people were openly gay, and if they were, it’s pretty safe to say they got jumped a time or two.

So when my 12 yr old daughter full of bravery and strength tells me she likes boys and girls, of course, my mind goes to the worst.

What will my family say?
What will my husband’s family say?
I know my family will be embarrassed.
Will they feel I brought them shame?
Will they blame me?
They won’t take me or Sofia seriously.

Then, I started thinking, if I feel this much anxiety about posting my daughters “coming out post” I can only imagine how much anxiety she felt holding it in.

I am a Christian. I believe in God. I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins. I believe I am a sinner. I believe we are all sinners. I do not believe that being gay is a sin.

I wish I was able to eloquently explain why it is that I do not feel being gay is a sin, but I can’t. However, I will give it my best try. It is just something I feel inside. When I pray to God and I ask for daily guidance and strength, when I pray for his will and direction, I just know that for me and my own personal relationship with God, I just know being gay is not a sin. I mean really, I am such a big ole hot mess, it probably is not even on God’s radar to speak to me about being gay. That’s just how I feel, and I do not know maybe I am wrong, but can anyone really question my own relationship with God?

When Sofia’s brothers read what she wrote, one of them cried. “Oh Mom, she got me. She really got me with the feels. I am proud of her.” The other one, read it “That’s what’s up. I am going to go give her a hug and tell her I am proud of her.”

When my husband read it he says “I would rather be dead than have any one of my kids be afraid to tell me anything. I love them all, no matter what.”

I posted Sofia’s piece on my personal Facebook page. I was nervous. I have a very diverse group of friends and family. I was just scared. “Oh she is too young, she does not know what she is talking about.” “What did you say to her? Maybe she feels you want her to be gay?” I don’t know, this is where my mind goes.

When I was a little girl, my first crush was Ralph Macchio. Soon after Michael J Fox, and then Buck Seward. A fellow student in my 4th-grade class. I knew I liked boys at an early age. No one ever said to me “Well, let’s give it time. Maybe you will change your mind and like girls when you are older.” For me personally, I just do not feel it works that way. You know what you know.

What I do know is Sofia has more confidence in her little pinky than I do in my entire body. She has a voice. A strong powerful voice. Sofia was the one who told me “I want to share my story. You never know Mom, I may be able to help someone.”

So, without further ado. Here is Sofia’s Story.

 

I have noticed writing is a lot like sex. I want to write, but at the end of the day, I have no energy to write. It’s one of those things where I know if I just do it, then eventually I will fall into the groove,  but damn is it hard to muster up the energy to write. That pretty much sums up why this is the first blog post in God knows how long.

Summer vacation this far has been something else. Lots going on. Lots of stress going on. You know me, give it a few days and I will end up writing about the stress as well. It’s just one of those things where maybe the proper thing to do is let my family know before I write about it. Oh, who am I kidding, on a good day I have two family members who read this blog. Maybe I am good.

My husband has been working crazy overtime this summer. He has also picked up two new hobbies. Playing the guitar and reading. I mean he has always played the guitar, he just recently got back into it. He is good. Very good. In fact one night we stayed up until 3am trying to write an original song. He did the music while I did the lyrics. I think my husband and I will both agree that we are hard to work with.

He has also been engrossed in some new series of some kind of fantasy book. I have no idea. All I know is he will take the girls to the library, spend hours there, come home and read. He can seriously knock out a 400-page book in a day. Meanwhile, out of complete boredom, I have been reading “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Do not even get me started. All I will say is I seriously do not understand the hype. Plus the fact that there are two other books in the series makes me wonder if I need to change my writing genre.

Well, because our summer has been filled with stress and new hobbies and lots of overtime, I kind of found myself in an intimacy rut with my husband. It happens. You guys know it happens. For reasons that are still unclear, I just happen to write about mine.

I wanted to find a way to spice things up. Not in a “Fifty Shades of Grey” kind of way, but in a “Dude, are you still even attracted to me kind of way.” I do not know about you guys, but many times it is very hard for me to not take things personally. I somehow turn whatever is going on and make it about me. Logically, I know many times it is not even about me, it is about the other person. However, when I am going through it, it is hard for me to understand that.

So, Christin (who is the Ethell to my Lucy) and I came up with a plan. Disclaimer, probably not the most thought out plan, but it was a plan. Late one night we searched Amazon for the most perfect, reasonably price, lingerie. Again, nothing “Fifty Shades of Grey” ish, just something different and classy. Perhaps that is where I went wrong?

For ten bucks, I found a very lovely piece. Red and black mid-thigh length baby doll set. It was both classy and flattering. Something different from my usual black tank and shorts that I go to sleep in. I mean we know guys are all about the visual, right? Anyway, and this may be where my plan takes a turn down the “This does not even make sense road.”

I did not exactly plan to wear the lingerie. Oh no, that would be too easy. My “plan” was to leave it discreetly hanging up on our bathroom door with the hopes that my husband would see it, and, I don’t know, maybe some dialogue would start. Something like…

Husband: Hey, what’s that on the bathroom door? Is that new?

Me: Hmmm. I am not sure, have to go look. Oh that old thing, no, I bought that when we first go together….15 years ago.

Although it does not seem like it now, there really is a method to my madness. Yes, perhaps I read too much romance novels. Thank you Nicholas Sparks. I mean my husband cannot even see a bottle of ketchup that is sitting right in front of him in the fridge. Did I really expect him to notice a piece of lingerie that is hanging on the bathroom door?

In fact, if he were to ever read this post (and he won’t because he does not do social media) he would tell me, word for word “Why didn’t you just put it on?” to which I would reply “I don’t know, I had a plan!”

Well, I am happy to report that the lingerie has seen the light of day. I mean I still have not worn it, however, it has proven to be a really good hand towel when my daughter washes her hands after using the restroom. So, you know, make lemonade out of lemons and all that.

~Jennifer