Today was Vinnie’s first official  at college. A day that I had doubts we would make it to, yet here I am blogging about it.

The girls and I dropped Vinnie of with plenty of time to spare. As soon as he leaves the car, I am taken back to his first day of kindergarten. When I took his little hand and walked him to his new class. Immediatley he let go of my hand, and went to work at finding new friends. I went to my car and cried.

Where do the years go? I silently ask myself as I notice my reflection in the rear view mirror. Oh wait, there they are, in the form of wrinkles and grey hair. Thank you, Vinnie.

I suppose now would be a good time to bring up the fact that Vinnie enjoys, he takes such  great pleasure in pushing my buttons. He is also pretty good at it. (That’s to stay between us.)

The school day passes, and honestly, I am not worried. Vinnie is a people person. Much in the same way as my dad and sister. All three of them no how to work the room. This is why we try hard to make sure they are never in the same place at the same time. Vinnie will do good. I can feel it in my bones.

The school day passes, with Gracie and Sofia enjoying their Spring Break, and me wishing for a break.

The girls and I are in the car, waiting for Vinnie to come out. As soon as he opens the car door, plops down on the passenger side, he had these words of wisdom for me.

“Mom, just so you know, when I am at college, I am 19 yr old Vinnie, not 17-year-old Vinnie.”

I pull out of my “customized” parking space, deciding to take a new “shortcut” home.

“Why 19? Why can’t you be 17?”

The girls are giggling in the backseat, while Vinnie notices I am in fact taking a “shortcut.”

“Because no 19-year-old female is going to want to hook up with a 17-year-old male. And, why are you going this way, you know you are going to get lost?”

I assure him I will not get lost. It’s just the back way. The same road runs parallel to the busy highway I am trying to avoid.

“And Mom, guess what,  some of these people already have a kid. I mean people my age, they already have a baby at home.”

I silently start to wonder if I already missed my turn. However, I will just keep that to myself.

“Wait, what? They are your age and already have a baby? Yeah, you better not get any ideas.”

Vinnie looks at me, looks back at the girls while shaking his head.

“Do you even know where you are going?!”

No, I do not know where I am going.

“Of course I know where I am going, I am not an idiot!”

Vinnie turns back around in his seat, noticing we are a bit too close to The Puget Sound.

“I do not remember being this close to the water. You’re going to get us lost. Also, I think I want one of those.”

I cannot make out the street numbers. It has to be around here somewhere!

“You want one of what?”

As nonchalantly as he can, as if I asked him “What do you want for dinner tonight?” he says: “A baby. I think I want one of those.”

“ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!”

It was at this very moment that I almost drove the car off into The Sound.

“See Mom, this is what you have to understand. I am coming from the angle of child support.”

The girls have now put their headphones on and are lost in Mine Craft on their tablet. Now they will not hear the expletives that are rolling off of my tounge.

“What the hell angle are you talking about? The damn angle of how it would be your ass that gets stuck paying child support while you cannot see the kid, are you talking about that freakin angle? Because trust me, real quick I can show you another angle!”

He is lucky I am driving right now, and if (when) I get lost, it will be all his fault!

“Nah, you are not getting it. I will have the kid so then the female will pay me child support.”

I do not even know how to respond to that.

“This better be one of those times where you think you are being funny while all you are doing is just stressing me out!”

Vinnie starts to laugh. The very same laugh he had when he was a michievous toddler getting into trouble. The very same laugh he would use in class after he pulled some sort of practical joke, the very same laugh that would always get me sent to the principals office.

“And Mom, I already have the name picked out. The name of my kid. Vino. That’s tight huh?”

I am able to relax a little. This is classic Vinnie. However, I do believe I am officially lost.

“And what if this fictious kid is a girl?”

He looks at me as if I just said I have no idea who Kendrick Lamar is.

“Uh, Mom, Vino is a good enough name to work for a boy or a girl. See, I think these things out.”

I just can’t with him.

“Okay, now that we established you are 19 when at college, you are in search for a Baby Mama just for the sake of child support, and said baby will be named Vino, no matter the gender, can you please tell me how your first day of school went?”

A big goofy smile breaks out on his face.

“I am taking acting classes! I mean I tried to tell them that I am this good all the time, I don’t need no acting class, but they don’t listen.”

I finally find the street I am supposed to turn on. See, not that lost after all.

“You may not think you need acting classes, but what you need is English classes. It is not grammatically correct to say “I do not need no acting class” the proper way to say it, “I do not need any acting class.”

The girls are now bellowing from the backseat “ARE WE THERE YET?”

“Mom. I mean you may need acting classes but I do not. I was born for this.”

I turn back to look at the girls, promissing only five more minutes before we are home. They already know “five minutes” means “ten minutes.”

“Vinnie!”

All of a sudden he gets serious.

“I went to the library today. It was six stories. We were in an elevator. It was cool, but I did not want to get out. It’s been so long since I was in a libray, I was worried I would get lost, or you know, have to read a book or something.”

We are now on the stretch of road that basically leads us to our front door.

“Vinnie, I am going to need you to keep an eye on the girls realy quick when we get home. I need to make a phone call.”

He starts grabbing his backpack, turns around, looking at the girls.

“You hear that? Mom says I am in charge!”

I can see the girls collectively roll their eyes in the rear view mirror.

“Are you calling Christin or something?”

I make our last turn before we are home.

“No. I am calling your advisor to make sure he did not mix up your test scores with anyone elses!”