There I was. In the middle of the bowling alley, long island iced tea in hand, courtesy of a fellow co-worker. It was now my job to pretend that I knew how to bowl. Actually, no, no it wasn’t. I am just going to sit down at this table, and watch everyone else bowl. Although from what it looks like, it was just Joe and one other co-worker bowling. Whatever.
It is at this point in my story that I feel the need to state a few important facts.
•This was the first time in my life I had ever had a long island iced tea.
•I do not like tea.
•Guess what, long island iced tea does not taste like tea, it taste like lemonade.
•I love lemonade.
•I do not usually make it a habit of drinking on an empty stomach out in public. The following post will not be a reflection of that.
I am sure you can see where this is going. Before I knew it, I was on my second long island iced tea, that really just tasted like lemonade. I felt pretty good. We were all talking, and bowling, discussing the weekend plans. Pretty soon I knew I would have to get something in my stomach-but not just yet. I was good for one more long island iced tea.
The night was slowly starting to die down. A few of the co-workers had already said their good-byes, while a handful of us were finishing up. I was somehow on my 3rd or 4th long island iced tea, while everyone else was on their last game.
And then, suddenly out of nowhere, I felt sick, and dizzy, and hot. Holy crap I cannot walk much less drive home! Am I seriously drunk at a work related event with my freaking boss about 10 feet away? This is not good.
I had a plan! All I really needed to do was make my way to the restroom, splash some cold water on my face, wait until the guys leave, then call Jessica for a ride. Piece of cake. I am a genius. I will just hang out in the restroom until they leave, and no one will be the wiser. I cannot have the people I work with, much loss my boss see me in this condition.
As I am splashing my face with water, while trying to keep myself from falling over, I hear Joe outside the restroom talking to a unfamilair female.
“Excuse me Miss, I was wondering if you can go in and check on our friend. We are worried she had too much to drink.”
KILL ME NOW!!!!!
No no no no no, I am fine, I will just tell the very nice lady I am fine, I have a ride home, I am good…….and then I fell down.
The very nice lady helped me stand up. She ushered me outside to Joe, and three other of my co-workers. She kinda pushed me into Joe’s arms while telling him “She is in no condition to drive.”
Of course not! I know this, but I have a plan, and now my plan is ruined because my boss is holding me up so I do not fall on my face. I cannot believe this.
As I am trying to figure out a way to get out of this drunken state I am in, I hear Joe tell his friend/co-worker. “I am going to drive her home in her car,you follow behind us with my car.”
Are you kidding me?!?! I cannot have my boss know where I live! I decided to blame the very nice lady who just had to come into the restroom. I did not blame myself for having 4 long island iced teas on an empty stomach. #JenLogic
All I wanted to do was sleep. Everything was spinning. Joe helped me to my car and I may have passed out while telling him he has nice arms. After what seemed to be an eternity, we arrived at my apartment. Joe helped me up the three flights of stairs, and gently knocked on the door.
Jessica opened the door, took one look at me, one look at Joe and asked what happened.
“Well, I am sure she will fill you in tomorrow,but she had a little too much to drink, so we drove her home.”
I stumbled inside, never being so happy to see Jessica, or the bathroom. One of the last thoughts I remember having is “Thanks goodness I am off tomorrow.”
I spent the next 24 hours planning my next move. The way I see it, I had two options. The first being is to go in to work and request a transfer, being that I can never face these guys again. Or..patiently wait for Joe to fire me. Surely it had to be coming. Not only did I get drunk in front of my boss, but I may have hit on him too. This was not good at all. I messed up. I had no one else to blame, other than perhaps the very nice lady who would just not leave me be. I mean I did have a plan after all.
Making that long walk from the time clock to the back room felt like I was walking to my hanging. I had to apologize. I had to admit to my mistakes of drinking too much. I should have known better, yet, once again I messed up, and this time, my job was on the line.
As soon as I walked through the double doors, I saw him. Joe was standing there with a clipboard in hand. Most likely my termination papers. I gathered myself together, took a deep breath and just went in.
“Joe, I am so sorry for the other night. I acted unprofessional. I know you do not know me very well, but I do not typically get intoxicated in front of my boss. I am both embarrassed and grateful that you saw fit to make sure I got home safely. Thank you.”
He looked at me, while making some notes on his clipboard.
“You have to be more careful. If we were not there, who knows what could have happened. It happens, let’s just forget about it and move on. For now, I need to put you in infants. Start off by checking the diaper wall.”
and just like that he walked away, leaving me there while I took the biggest sigh of relief I could. Then, I went to find Christin, who would be in infants. I had a lot to talk to her about, starting with, why she never warned me about those long island iced teas.