The truth was I didn’t see any red flags. Or maybe I just didn’t want to see them.
I suspected that Scotty was using drugs but didn’t know for sure. I had seen him act in a ways that weren’t normal such as driving erratically or sometimes the way he interacted with others. I never saw anything but it was always in the back of my mind. It didn’t matter to me because I could fix him. I would take his brokenness and single-handedly put it back together.
I remember a phone conversation with my mom. “Mom, I think he’s using drugs…what can I do to help him?” I thought my mom could help me to help him because she, herself had been in recovery for 12 years at that time. “Christin, you can’t help anyone that doesn’t want to help themselves” Well I was going to make him into the man he had potential to be. I would be the one to turn things around for him.
Scotty was spending more and more time in the apartment above ours. Babysitting for a friend of his, that’s what he said. As days and weeks went on, I think I finally figured out what was going on. I didn’t have the balls to ask him, but I put 2 and 2 together. He was seeing “his friend” that lived right above me. It was ok though. I would win. So I tried harder to make him happy. I jumped through hoops and tried to impress him more. I made sure I did everything right. Because if I did everything right, he would love me.
Until I broke one night.
I went out salsa dancing with my friend Shawn and her husband. They dropped me off around 2am. To my surprise, there was a familiar blue Audi parked next to mine. I’m not sure if it was the alcohol or just the weeks of suppressed anger but I took my keys which were connected to a lanyard and begin swinging at his car. I didn’t care if he heard me. I didn’t care what happened. I just wanted him to pay for all the lies. As I smashed his car with the keys, each hit scraping off paint, I felt a sense of empowerment. I was in charge now. Had it not been for Shawn and her husband grabbing a hold of me and the keys, I’m pretty sure I would have continued to smash his car up.
Scotty never said a word about his car. But I’m pretty sure he knew it was me.
The next day Alphonso and Jen needed to talk to me. They looked serious and that made me nervous. “Christin, we have to tell you something.” Ok. Jen was hesitant. “Don’t be mad.” OK. “Scotty asked me out” Wait, what? “I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to hurt you”
My first instinct was to be mad at Jen. How could she do this? She was just jealous of me and Scotty. She wanted Scotty. And Alphonso. He didn’t have anybody so he didn’t want me to be happy. How could they do this to me?
I felt broken. My best friends were against me. Scotty wanted my best friend.
I felt so alone.
I didn’t know Jen was feeling the same way.