I had to venture out to Walmart today, which was mistake number 1.

My son had asked me if I could do a return for him, and I told him I would. That would be mistake number 2.

I take my place in the customer service desk line. No surprise, there were about 15 people and one cashier. Whatever. I was in no rush. The plus side, no one was in their pj’s.

In front of me were these two middle age individuals. I cannot even describe them without sounding like a judgemental stuck up witch, but I will give it a go.

They looked like extra’s from The Walking Dead.

For some reason they were eating their lunch in line. McChicken sandwiches and a drink. So perhaps they were on their lunch break and short on time? Fine, I get it.

What I do not get is, are they really that short on time that they do not know what a napkin is? One of the individuals had mayo all over his face, while scarfing down his third McChicken sandwich. I am sorry, it was just gross. There was lettuce on his shirt, and he was chewing with his mouth open. It was then I realized he was missing quite a few teeth which may explain the mayo all over his face and lettuce on his shirt.

By the fourth McChicken, it was their turn in line. They needed to send money somewhere. The cashier explained to them they needed to fill out the paperwork. As they did that, it was finally my turn to do my return.

Easiest return ever. I thank the cashier and I am on way.

Except, I wasn’t.

As I turn to leave the service desk line, I can feel my feet slowly start to slip out from under me.

No, no, no, this cannot be happening to me.

CRASH!!!

It happened.

I fell flat on my rear end in front of about 15 people, not counting the cashier.

Why? Just why?

When I was offered a greasy hand, coated with mayo to help me up, I knew I was now reliving a very bad nightmare.

I took his hand!!

I had no choice, I really did need help up, and no one else decided to offer.

Thank you Walmart shoppers.

A Walmart associate asked if I was hurt.

“You mean other than my ego??”

I slowly got myself together, the Walmart associate and I looked down. Do you know what we saw? A big pile of lettuce and mayo on the ground, all smeared in. The rest was on my jeans.

A quick comment was made by me on how she probably needs to have someone clean that up.

Quickly, I scurry away so I can pick up the ONE thing on my list and get the hell out of there.

So OF COURSE it was no surprise when I ran into a very old, dear friend, who is also a manager at this particular Walmart.

“Hey Jen, How’s it going?”

“Oh good, I just fell on my ass in front of your service desk, other than that, I am good.”

After she got her laughter under control, she asked if I was okay, asked if I wanted to file an incident report, you know the drill.

The last thing I want to do is fill out an incident report. I mean it was not the fault of Walmart, it was the fault of these two (in my opinion) Morons, who decided to eat their lunch in line and not pay attention to the mess they made.

So freaking embarrassing.

Even more so, I am sure there is video footage out there of my falling on my ass in front of the Walmart Service Desk. It may make its way to youtube, or a few chosen people may get a good laugh at the crazy lady who fell over her own two feet.

But I am telling you, I tripped over mayo and lettuce.